Is It Wrong?

I find myself tossing this subject around a lot in my head. People in SL and I guess in RL, too…they all seem to be in a hurry to find a special someone. Some think they are looking for THE special someone, but I’m not so sure. I think from time to time we find A special person that we mesh perfectly with and so it goes, until we grow apart, right? Cuz that’s what happens isn’t it? As I approach my 11yr RL anniversary, I find myself thinking about this a lot. He cheated on me a few years ago, we tried to work through it, but it just didn’t work out. We’re just not IN love anymore. We’re friends, but he’s moved out and we’re just kinda taking our time about the divorce. There are a lot of details being left out here, of course, but the divorce is imminent. He’s living with HER. He seems happy and mostly, I am happy for him. However, there were decisions made a few years into our marriage that are holding us both hostage now.
I’ve never seen an everlasting love in person. I’ve heard about them, but I’ve never witnessed one. Broken homes and families aren’t new. Both of my parents are in their 70s, both of them grew up in broken homes. Hell, my father never knew his father. He knew who he was, but had no interaction with him. I’m not so sure humans were designed to be monogamous. I sometimes think that’s just something society created for whatever reason, but if you look back in history…well, humans have always been a lustful species. So, if you find yourself in love…enjoy it while it last, but don’t spend so much time worrying about if or when it will end. Just assume it will….someday…even if its till death do you part….one of you will go first. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. We’re just a greedy lot and don’t like to share. I get that…hell, I never had to share as an only child.
Meh, I’m just going to enjoy what’s left of my life the best way I can and I’m going to let myself fall in love or lust or whatever emotional holes I find myself tripping into, because its all of those feelings that remind me that I’m alive. Is it wrong that I’m just ready to live out the rest of my days as a free spirit?

Free
A funny little thing about love is that you’re blind for the time
And even when you think you had enough
You’re wanting more, it isn’t right but
You can’t stop

wearing:
hair: Lamb. Gossip (May FaMESHed Go)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings (*new* @ C88)
*AvaWay* GWEN Ribbon Corset CHOKER
_CandyDoll_ Yuki Top (*new* @ Mainstore)
{le fil casse} Yuna Skirt (*new* @ Mainstore)
_CandyDoll_ Yuki Heels (*new* @ Mainstore)

pose: Artis – Your chair (edited with AnyPose)

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Hiding From the World

I recently acquired a homestead and its perfect for me, because though I do share a good bit about myself in my blog. I also enjoy my privacy and I’m quite content spending several days in a row alone. I like having complete control of my land and I love that no one can see who is on my land. I don’t have to worry about seeing someone I don’t care for on my radar because they are somewhere else on the sim. I finally feel truly free to hide away from the world. I can create whatever scenes I like wherever I want and never have to worry about a neighbor putting up some atrocious house with prim trees from 2007. I love my new home, because its the best place to be when I’m hiding from the world.

Dear People

wearing:
hair: MINA – Alison (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

*LODE* Head Accessory – Juliet [iceberg]
Cae :: Gianna :: Necklace
Cae :: Gianna :: Earrings
Dahlia – Sady Cat Eye Sunglasses (May FaMESHed Go)
[Cynful] Heidi Summer Maxi Dress (*new* @ C88)

pose: an lar [poses] The Yearning Series (*new* @ ROMP)

Sad Girl

Once upon a time, I lived a different kind of life…music takes me on the most delicious journey through my mine field of memories….
Being a mistress on the side
It might not appeal to fools like you
We’ve been around on the side
Wanna be something you would do
But you haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen him
He’s got the fire and he walks with fame
He’s got the fire and he talks with fame
His Bonnie on the side, Bonnie on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
His money on the side, money on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a bad girl, I’m a bad girl
Being a bad bitch on the side
It might not appeal to fools like you
We’ve been around when he gets high
It might not be something you would do
But you haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen my man
You haven’t seen him
He’s got the fire and he walks with fame
He’s got the fire and he talks with fame
His Bonnie on the side, Bonnie on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
His money on the side, money on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a bad girl, I’m a bad girl
Watch what you say to me
Careful who you’re talking to
Watch what you say to me
Careful who you’re talking to
I’m on fire, baby
I’m on fire
He’s got the fire and he walks with fame
He’s got the fire and he talks with fame
His Bonnie on the side, Bonnie on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
His money on the side, money on the side
Makes me so sad, girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a bad girl, I’m a bad girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl, I’m a sad girl
I’m a sad girl, I’m a bad girl, I’m a bad girl

enough is enough

wearing:
hair: RAMA.SALON – Chiara Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
RedFish – Chronic tattoo (*new* @ ULTRA)

-SU!- Piercing Set 05 Bridge
CODE-5 [ Pamerale ] (*new* @ ROMP)
. a i s l i n g . NoseChains
Cae :: Farfalla :: Necklace (*new* @ ULTRA)
[CX] Shredder Claws – Silver

Scandalize.Mulbery-top & pants. (*new* @ equal10)
Scandalize. MulberyHeels. (*new* @ equal10)

pose: –IC poses- Single Pack 13

scene:
[ keke ] huge cozy up pillow – chevron
220ML – Alabama Style [Closed Bottle]
220ML – Alabama Style [Cup w/ Liquid]
Peaches ‘N Cream – ‘Emotional Baggage’ Handbag Clutter
Peaches ‘N Cream – ‘Kiss & Makeup’ Makeup Clutter
Peaches ‘N Cream – ‘Planet Of the Vapes’ Electric Vape
[Black Bantam] Busy Westie On Fours Rez

A Little Bit of Booze

Not sure why, but this set from Bueno really made me think of this song. So, there you have it…a song to go with the photo, cuz I’m not in the mood to share what’s on my mind this morning. *raises her glass* Cheers!

HELLYEAH – Alcohaulin’ Ass

Come on, a little bit of sunshine
A little bit of booze
A little bit of me
And a little bit of you
A little bit country
A little bit of blues
A little slice of heaven
And a little piece of you, come on
Alcohaulin’ ass
Pour another drink in my glass
Alcohaulin’ ass
Alcohaulin’ ass
A little bit thirsty
A little bit used
A little bit of whiskey
And a little pinch to chew
A little bit tired
And a bad attitude
A little bit of drinkin’
And another piece of you
Alcohaulin’ ass
Pour another drink in my glass
Alcohaulin’ ass
Alcohaulin’
You drove me to it, so there was nothing I could do
You pushed me down, split me right in two
Now I found the long hard road carried the weight of you
Boy, oh, boy, God damn, there’s only one thing left to do
A little bit of alcohaulin’ ass
Pour another drink in my glass
Alcohaulin’ ass, there’s only one thing left to do
A little bit of alcohaulin’ ass
Pour another drink in my glass
Alcohaulin’ ass
Alcohaulin’ ass

don't bother

 

wearing:
hair: .Olive. the Emma Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

LYBRA . LINDA FATPACK (May FaMESHed Go)
[BREATHE]-Midori Heels (May Pocket Gacha)

pose: FOXCITY. Bento Sits VOL2 Pose Set

scene:
BUENO– Not Love Set -Fatpack (*new* @ ROMP)
~BUENO-Alcohol Later Neon-Red
~BUENO-Not Love Seat-Blood
~BUENO-Hecha a Mano Table-Car
crate Studio Stool Red
Ariskea[Cocoli] Banana Plant

 

Sick Like Me

I posted a meme yesterday that read, “Do you ever have one of those days, where you just want to get drunk, go bat shit crazy and set the world on fire?” Well, yesterday was that day for me. I’m already bat shit crazy, but I drank an entire bottle of wine on an empty stomach. As I suffered through one of the longest and hardest anxiety attacks I’ve had in quite a while, I fantasized about setting the world on fire, stabbing a few people while I watched them bleed out slowly, finding the Louise to my inner Thelma and going out in a blaze of glory. Instead I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand while watching women in prison make their life look a lot better than men’s prison.
This morning, I find myself blasting In This Moment and remembering why I love this band so much. Recognizing so much of myself in their lyrics. So, here it is…are you sick like me?

In This Moment – Sick Like Me

Is it sick of me
To need control of you?
Is it sick to make
You beg the way I do?
Is it sick of me
To want you crawling on your knees?
Is it sick to say
I want you biting down on me
Are you sick like me?
Am I beautiful
As I tear you to pieces?
Am I beautiful?
Even at my ugliest, you always say
I’m beautiful
As you tear me to pieces
You are beautiful
Even at your ugliest, I always say
You’re beautiful and sick like me
Is it sick of me
To feed the animal in you?
Is it sick to say
I tease the hunter like I do?
Is it sick of me
To watch the wicked way you thrill?
Is it sick to say
I live to break your will
Are you sick like me?
Am I beautiful
As I tear you to pieces?
Am I beautiful?
Even at my ugliest, you always say
I’m beautiful
As you tear me to pieces
You are beautiful
Even at your ugliest, I always say
You’re beautiful and sick like me
Am I beautiful
As I tear you to pieces?
I am beautiful
Even at my ugliest, you always say
I’m beautiful
As I tear you to pieces
Am I beautiful
Even at my ugliest, you always say
You’re beautiful
As I tear you to pieces?
You are beautiful
Even at you ugliest, I always say
You’re beautiful and sick like me

unfinished business

wearing:
hair: #Besom~Gypsy Love
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings (*new* @ C88)

LYBRA . BRIT BLOUSE (*new* @ FaMESHed)
LYBRA . BRIT SKIRT (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: M-1 Kara Poses Blogger Pack
DRD – Suicide Booth

I Tried

When I tell someone that I don’t believe I have a true love or that you no longer have a heart to give, they immediately feel sorry for me. They want to save me and convince m that there is a true love out there for me somewhere.  Meanwhile, I have a man telling me that anyone would be a fool not to love me, but does he? How could he when he is with another? I have tried to believe that there is something special out there for me, but I’ve surrendered to my fate. I know now that my place is in the shadows. I know that my place is a secret hideaway, for it in the dark that the truth hides. Whatever there is about me that people find so lovable, there must be something equally wretched that sends them away. And that’s ok. I know now that I tried. That is not my life. Love has eluded me repeatedly and now? I’m done. I tried.

I tried
Sometimes I feel that I am what I deserve
A hundred crimes, no way to pay them off
So when quiet fills the night and you hurt
Know I am sorry for all that you lost

wearing:
hair: no.match_ ~ NO_WONDERLAND (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

[Avenge] Universe necklace (long) (*new* @ TresChic)
[Avenge] Universe earring (*new @ TresChic)
ChicModa&e.marie // Knot Dress (*new* @ Whimsical)

pose by Del May
Paparazzi – Slum Riverside – BACKDROP – green (*new* @ Limit8)

Tonight @ FMD

If you’re like me, you couldn’t care less about the royal wedding and you’re more concerned about how you’re going to spend your Saturday night. Well, my favorite place to hang out in SL on a Saturday night is at FMD. I know this must come as a huge shock to you all, considering how conservatively I dress…*giggles* So, let me tell you just  a little bit about FMD. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert or any type of authority on the club, but what I do know is that there are loads of beautiful people there. While it is a pay to join group, the owner, Lance Pyara, is kind enough to allow open access on weekends. Every Saturday night is a themed party and you can dress up or down for the said events.
Tonight, the theme is Speakeasy Vintage Fashion and this party starts at 2pm slt and doesn’t stop until midnight. They’ve got as many time zones covered as they can. So, whip up your version of Speakeasy Fashion and head on over to check it out. I personally feel it’s well worth joining, but not everyone can afford to do that. So, regardless of you ability to join…the club is open tonight and ready for the party!! OOOH and did I mention there are prizes sponsored by Cynful, Prey, and United Colors tonight??? Yeah, so get ready to shake those tail feathers and come party with us tonight!
What’s that? Oh, no, I won’t be wearing this tonight, but FMD is a great place to wear those naughty clothes that show your private parts on any other day. Am I partial to this place? You’re damn right. I found my way there through a couple of friends, but I keep going back because I love it so much. So, don’t give me the bored speech, when this is just one of the many fantastic places waiting for you to explore.

Here’s your direct tp to FMD.

sitting pretty

Sady is wearing:
hair: Beusy: Mija Hairstyle
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)

SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
-SU!- Lovesick Lip Gloss

CODE-5 [ Pamerale ] FEMALE V0.04 (*new* @ ROMP)
toksik – Bloom Choker (Group Gift)
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings (*new* @ C88)

Narcisse– Bailey Mini Tutu & Pasties (*new* Bound Box May)
[MODA] MADISON PLATFORMS (*new* Bound Box May)

pose: FOXCITY. Bento Ground Sits VOL2

scene:
Ariskea[Cocoli] Banana Plant (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Granola. Violette’s Fatpack (*new* @ FaMESHed)
-Violette’s Hourglass Side Table. Old Copper.
-Violette’s Vases. Brass.
-Violette’s Cage Pendants. Brass.
-Violette’s Cocktail Chair. Grey

Let There Be An End

“I give the fight up: let there be an end, a privacy, an obscure nook for me. I want to be forgotten even by God.” ~ Paracelsus  Robert Browning

Granted I discovered this quote as I watched Anon on Netflix, but the quote struck a nerve on so many levels that I immediately had to find its origin. Upon finding the origin and reading around the quote, I discovered an entirely new meaning to it. I admit that my first thought was about celebrities and how they’ve no privacy whatsoever. Upon watching the film, it developed an entirely new meaning and I do recommend the film. Obviously, I’m no movie critic, but it is a psychological thriller set in the future. A future I hope never comes to be, for I found it to be absolutely dreadful. As if our privacy has not been invaded enough, the premise of this movie suggests that even our mere thoughts are opened to others. Not to mention our memories. You could have no more secrets…ever. Your eyes recording everything you see and do, only for that information to fall into the wrong hands. Trust me, I’ve given no spoilers about the movie. These are just things I thought about in conjunction with the film. About how life would be for the majority of us.
I think this quote relates to Second Life, as well. So many of us have made tragic mistakes or have been so hurt so brutally that we associate that pain with the avatar. How easily we can start anew. I’ve done that a few times in my earlier years in SL, but I’ve also grown from that and have become far too comfortable with my current avatar to ever consider starting again. I’ll own my mistakes and do my best to amend my behavior when I am wrong. I’ve grown to realize that some are too miserable within their own skin to forgive and forget. I let them go and forget them. They may hold onto their resentments and their toxicity for as long as they like, but they will have no hold over me. I cannot control what other do, feel, think, or believe, but for me, let there be an end to the controversy. I shall erase them from my lives and move forward, forgetting their very existence. If our paths shall pass in the future, they are no more than a stranger to me and will be treated as such.

Forgotten

wearing:
hair: RAMA.SALON – Julie Hair (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

pr!tty – Floral Choker
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings (*new* @ C88)

.:villena:. – Rose Bud Fur Jacket – Blush
Narcisse– Julia Tshirt Corset Dress (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Love is Free

I don’t know about you, but I get real tired of all the hate that people sling around as if its okay. I’m fortunate enough not to take someone else’s misery personally, even when it is literally aimed at me. Here’s the thing though, I worry about the haters sometimes, because that sort of toxicity is so bad for them. It must eat them alive to be so filled with hatred for other people. For me, they are like dirt, I just wash it off and occasionally get mesmerized by the patterns made as it circles it’s way down the drain. Hate costs. It costs the hater more than the hated, but love is free. I can’t afford to waste my energy on hate, so I’ll be over here where the love is free, because this is where my spirit is free.

Sheryl Crow – Love Is Free

One
Two
One, two, three!
Hey, hey!
She got a shack
Floating down the Pontchartrain
With the water rolling in
We gotta swim
Before the levees start to crack
Another day
Another dollar down the drain
You go to town
No one’s around
‘Cause if you drown
There ain’t no hope for coming back
It ain’t no big thing if you lose your faith
They kinda like to keep you in your place
You never know what might be coming your way
Oh everybody
Devil take your money
Money’s got no hold on me
Oh oh everybody’s making love
‘Cause love is free
You go to church
And pray to God for no more rain
A Cadillac
A paper sack
Well hey there Jack
You want some bourbon for the pain
Hey tambourine
Ain’t no rhythm on the street
With the voodoo
What do you do
When the radio just plays on anyway?
Those crazy fingers in your jelly jar
They’ll jack your money
While you sleep in you car
They got the karma
They ain’t getting too far
Oh everybody
Devil take your money
Money’s got no hold on me
Oh oh everybody’s making love
‘Cause love is free
Everybody come together
(Love is free)
Everybody come together
(Love is free)
Everybody come together
(Love is free)
Everybody come together
Yeah
Oh everybody
Devil take your money
Money’s got no hold on me
Oh oh everybody’s making love
‘Cause love is free
Oh everybody
Devil take your money
Money’s got no hold on me
Oh oh everybody’s making love
‘Cause love is free
Love is free
Yeah,
Love is free.

love is free

wearing:
hair: :::Phoenix::: Aimy Hair (May FaMESHed Go)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
BUENO-Drea Dress (*new* @ C88)
[BREATHE]-Akio Heels (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: an lar [poses] The Altered Series (*new* @ ROMP)
*PROMAGIC* Vivo BAckgrounds-5

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