Better Off

I really have just about given up on the idea of romance. I mean, sex will be had, but its just sex. My sexual needs can be met with toys and tumblr, easily enough. Plus, this is SL, I’m sure if I really wanted a voice in my ear, that too, would be easy enough to find. Meh, I’m just over that. I want more. I deserve more. Will I get more? Not likely. One thing is for sure, though. I will not settle for less than I deserve…not again. I’ve done that repeatedly in the past and regretted it every single time. I have yet to look back on someone I turned away and wished I could have gone back to date them afterall. The funny thing is most of these men I’ve settled for? They’ve barely taken an interest in me as a person. They want an audience. They want arm candy. They want sex. I’m honestly starting to believe that it doesn’t matter what I’m actually about, but rather what I have to offer. I’ve watched my friends lose themselves completely to different partners over the years, while a few have stayed true to themselves….most have surrendered what they truly deserved and settled for…a pretty package, a name in their partner box, an avi to cuddle with, someone they can pretend to be in love with until they hurt so much from depriving themselves of their true needs, that they are broken down to pieces. Each time this happens, they grow more desperate not to let it happen again, but only settling for less and less. Less respect, less attention, less honesty, less of everything. I’m done. I’ve been single long enough now to realize I treat myself way better than any of the men that have been in my life romantically….EVER. Not sure what that says about me, to be honest, but I do know that I seem to be better off alone. Because in the end? I don’t think they really want to know ME at all.

only one right answer

wearing:
hair:   tram G1113 hair / HUD-A
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee Applier [ Catwa ] 007 (*new* @ Au Lovely)
**RE** Aliza Collar
LYBRA . SIOFRA (*new* @ FaMESHed)
pose: Purple Poses Trish set
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One Night

He showed up at the club while she was working. He was with a loud mouth girl, who clearly couldn’t hold her liquor. She had done her best to ignore them both, but as he would come to the bar to order drinks, he would grab her for a few words. She never could fight the attraction, but he frightened her. He was a good guy and she didn’t know how to deal with good guys. Bad boys were her thing, because they were safe. She always knew how those relationships would go, but one look from him and she was frozen in place. When he suggested they talk in the back room, she couldn’t resist. Part of her longed to have him back, but he had yet to show her that he had changed as much as he said he did. But one night…just one more night, wouldn’t hurt, right?

reunited

wearing:
hair: Lamb. Gem (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)

[Canimal] Truth (*new* @ Uber)
UC_Milda_leather_pants (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Snooki Wedges (*new* @ Uber)

pose: PURPLE POSES – Couple 410

scene:
anxiety %apt78 skybox
anxiety %apt78 fridge
anxiety %apt78 broken mirror
anxiety %apt78 dirty mattress

male model: Kronic Stoanes

Selfish Love

Once again, I’m going to let the music speak for me, because as many ideas that I have for what to write…well…*grins*…I’m not telling you. Thanks again to my dear friend, Aaron for modeling with me. ❤

Jessie Ware – Selfish Love

Baby let’s be honest about this
There’s only room for one in your heart
So tell me darlin’, why are we like this?
I must admit that I kind of like it

Oh, you’re acting sweet
I know what that means
All these games we play
Always end the same

Selfish love, why do I do these things?
I break you down, just to get my way
Selfish love, darlin’ you do it too
You tell me lies and I bend the truth
And I, I know
That I can’t get enough
Selfish love

Baby now it feels like we’re dancing
Dodging bullets, now ain’t that romantic?
Take what I want, but you want me to take it
I only give love when I want to make it

Oh, you’re acting sweet
I know what that means
All these games we play
Always end the same

Selfish love, why do I do these things?
I break you down, just to get my way
Selfish love, darlin’ you do it too
You tell me lies and I bend the truth
And I, I know
That I can’t get enough
Selfish love
Selfish love
Selfish love

Oh, you’re acting sweet
And I know what that means
Selfish love
Oh, you’re acting sweet
And I know what means

Selfish love

choke me

Aaron is wearing:
Hair: Stealthic – Haunting
Head: CATWA HEAD Daniel
Ears: Stretched ears-Omimi- [MANDALA]
Body: [Signature] Gianni Body – Body

[Deadwool] Broberry jeans
GizzA – Sports Shoes

Sady is wearing:
hair: MINA – Yelena (*new* @ C88)
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
S&P lingerie Elle (*new* Bound Box May)
Mosquito’s Way – Rohnda boots  (*new* Bound Box May)

pose: PURPLE POSES – Couple 784 (*new* @ C88)
posters: Quasi – Downtown Gacha 20 (*new* @ 6Republic)

Taste Like Candy

I struggled with what to write for this photo until I resorted to music, because I just can’t write erotica. Maybe I could, but I’m not comfortable doing that for my blog, sooo….yeah, here’s a song. *giggles & blushes* Oh, and a special thank you to my dear friend, Aaron, for letting me boss him around…erhm, I mean, for posing for me, yeah, that’s it. *grins* So, while I’m showing off the first of at least four post showcasing items in the Bound Box…enjoy the music.

Doja Cat – Candy

I can name a couple ways, baby, this shit might go
You just might forget that this was what you’re gettin’ high for
And it might do the things to him, I mean the guy who
He’s the one who’s sweet enough, who’ll shoot to make that high note

And it’s such a typical thing, runnin’ over a million, oh
Runnin’ through a difficult place, you don’t need no blood on your hands, no

She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real

I can be your sugar when you’re fiendin’ for that sweet spot
Put me in your mouth, baby, and eat it ’till your teeth rot
I can be your cherry, apple, pecan, or your key lime
Baby I got everything and so much more than she’s got

And it’s such a typical thing, runnin’ over a million, oh
Runnin’ through a difficult place, you don’t need no blood on your hands, no

She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real

Sugar coated, lies unfolded, you still lick the wrapper
It’s addictive, you know this, but you still lick the wrapper
Sugar coated, lies unfolded, you still lick the wrapper
It’s addictive, you know this, but you still lick the wrapper

She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real cherry, know that it ain’t real cherry
She’s just like candy, she’s so sweet
But you know that it ain’t real, know that it ain’t real

take me

Aaron is wearing:
Hair: Stealthic – Haunting
Head: CATWA HEAD Daniel
Ears: Stretched ears-Omimi- [MANDALA]
Body: [Signature] Gianni Body – Body

Sady is wearing:
hair: RAMA.SALON – Maria Hair (*new* @ C88)
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
Wicca’s Wardrobe – Joy (*new* Bound Box May)

pose: PURPLE POSES – Couple 778

Numbness

“I felt deeply tricked. Stunned. And furious. I also felt my default emotion: numbness.”
― Augusten BurroughsRunning with Scissors

I relate to this quote so much. Having suffered at the hand of monsters more than once, I know this numbness well. I honestly believe its a defense mechanism. Its as if the emotion is too much and my body throws up a shield of numbness to protect me from the pain. I’m actually grateful for it, but I also have a tendency to depend on it a bit too much.
I remember a few years ago, I was going through one of the hardest times in my adult life. The numbness didn’t come. I had to create it, but taking far more xanax than any doctor would prescribe. I’m not addicted, its not like that, but when you depend on a numbness to keep yourself from literally slitting your wrists…well, you do what you’ve got to do. Even now, I get more xanax than I need from my doctor so that I have extra….just in case.
I recently found out that I was betrayed by someone I loved….shocking. I was so angry. I was so hurt. I wanted to lash out. I wanted to destroy him. I wanted to destroy everything he loved. I didn’t do anything, but cry to a few friends and eventually use my xanax to numb myself. When the xanax kicks in, I feels so much better…calmer as if floating in water without a care in the world. It’s a temporary fix, but sometimes its the calmness I need to process what has actually happened to me.

floating away

wearing:
*LODE* Head Accessory – Juliet [peach]
hair: Exile – Wildfire
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Saska (Catwa Applier) honey
LYBRA . LELANI

pose: Purple Poses Trish Set

Controversy

A strong spirit transcends rules. ~Prince

How true it is…I just wrote yesterday about “differentness” and how I struggled to find my place in the world after we quit moving. Prince played such a huge role in my road of self discovery. I’ll share one quick story and then get on with the picture and credits, because I’m just very sad today. We lost such an amazing talent and truly magnificent spirit.

In the 8th grade (shut it about my age), a group of us would all meet in the band room to listen to Prince’s Controversy album, because none of our parents would let us listen to it at home. That album means more to me than most people would imagine. R.I.P. Prince and thank you for sharing yourself with the world. ❤

controversy

wearing:
CATWA HEAD Candy
IKON Triumph Eyes – Glass
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
[theSkinnery] Sonya (Catwa Applier) – honey (*new* at C88)
Moon. Hair // – Blondes – Mysterons (*new* at C88)
.Shi : Headphone [V1.Black] RARE
[Cynful] Hey Bae Top – Eggplant
[Cynful] Hey Bae Pants – Eggplant
*MUKA* Garter Thigh Socks – Lara
{Livalle} Chyna -Lace up Platform Boots

pose: Purple Poses Trish 02

decor left to right:
[ keke ] huge cozy up pillow – pink
::KKs:: Paint your life – pillow crown
floorplan. record shelf / stained
Stereo & components (floor records & cassettes): [ kunst ] – Vintage (complete set)
Toro. Wallhanging + Lights {Morrocan}
Apt B // Douze Roses – Crate Pillows

BAZAR  Stockholm-Headphones (decor) & Stockholm-Music tapes
:CP: East Side Blush Rug

photographed in:
Apt B // Old & Rusted – Attic RARE

 

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