There’s a certain irony involved with a do not disturb message. Oddly enough, isn’t that usually when we want to? Just for kicks? Oh, that’s just me? Oh, c’mon….well…this is what happens when I wake and bake. I slide down walls and wonder about strange shit. My life is seriously bizarre right now. I can’t even begin to explain some of the decisions I’m making. I’m not sure if I’m set to self-destruct or being adventurous. I guess time will tell.
Everything today seems to revolved around technology. From the way we socialize to the way we play and work. So, as I put together the wired look for this photo I was reminded of a series of songs by Watsky. Now whether you like rap or not, this kid has serious talent and even if you don’t want to listen to a Jewish white guy rap some of the most intelligent rapping you’ve ever heard, I suggest you at least take a gander at the lyrics. As there’s more than one song and part to all of this, I’m giving you the links to the songs and the lyrics…together. So, this is a post for you to really step away and look at something else.
Love is such a complicated thing. Its never as easy as the movies, is it? Meet cute, can’t stop thinking about each other, then another conveniently timed accidental meeting, then proceed through a montage of dating scenes, obligatory sex scenes, a teensy hiccup to show how they handle a fight, and then happily ever after. *sighs* Sadly, reality isn’t quite that easy.
We’ve all been there…a crush on the man that is dating someone you know. Perhaps you don’t know them very well, but she’s certainly nice enough and you’d never hurt her. So, you watch with longing for a while and eventually just let go. Hope is lost. Its not meant to be, she was there first and that’s that, isn’t it? Then some time passes and you find out he’s not with her anymore. You haven’t seen her in years. You don’t even know where she wound up. Oh goddamnit, he’s already dating someone else. *sighs* You don’t know her at all. Hmmm. Oh he’s not happy? That’s too bad. *hangs her head* You watch with a guilty belly hoping that this might be your chance….but your chance to what exactly? It’s been a crush all these years. What do you really know about him? What if he turns out to be a jerk. Is this one of those times the fantasy is better than the reality? Probably. *walks away*
Have you ever been in a situation that you’d give up just about anything to make it work out, but somethings just don’t work…no matter how much you want them to…and trying to force it to work just makes it worse? You feel like you’ve been screaming, but like the scream in your nightmares…it catches there on the edge of silence. You know you’re not invisible, but you’re definitely not heard. Your pain is ignored and trivialized to the point that you apologize for being so irrational. Its terribly unhealthy…you know you have to walk away. You know you’re going to look back and if there is any love in this world…they won’t be there watching you leave.
You crawl into a comfortable cloudy corny of yourself. Isolated and withdrawn, you don’t want to be alone, but you can’t stand the thought of being seen this way. There’s a really funny reflection in the bottle with this dim light. Tonight you hide, tonight you decide your fate, but tomorrow you’ll crawl back into the light and soldier on another day. Oh, but we don’t want to think about that…the cycle is maddening. What kinds of toys are we playing with in this madhouse? Why am I so different? This is all that’s left.
How differently would you behave if you knew your every single moved was being observed? I’m talking about every move…every breath…every sneeze…even your trips to the bathroom….your shower…your private time…when you sleep. I just finished watching The Circle with Tom Hanks and Emma Watson. The entire concept of privacy and social media is explored in a really interesting way. It got me thinking…about the smallest of things…like whether or not my feet look dry. Would I tell say that pants are overrated and keep them off as I move freely about my own home? Imagine absolutely no privacy ever. Not that someone IS always watching, but they could be and you’ve no way of knowing unless you’re interacting on social media. Just thinking about this made me push my hair behind my eyes and cross my bare legs under my desk.
Of course, the squirrels distracted me and I quickly forgot that I was acting as if…I think there’s probably a few things I’d do different, I’m sure, but I think we’d probably just get a lot more real with one another. No, I didn’t shave my legs today…yesterday either. I know! *giggles* Of course, I will now, cuz everyone is gonna ask and we all know that Tracy Redangel is the one with the furry knees.
“Love me ‘till you’re dead, you will not forget
You’ll still love me, dead or alive”
~InThis Moment – Black Widow
So, I just woke up after a real strange night and as I sometimes do, I shared the photo with a few friends and asked for suggestions on what to write. Well, Grace said, “You look like some sort of cyber black widow.” Well, that took me straight to one of my favorite bands. So, I’ve paired the photo with some In This Moment and I’ll leave you with that.
I’ll wake and bake for the next post. *grins* That should prove interesting, right?
hair: Doe: Crinkle Fries (*new* @ REWIND)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Karina – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Asia (*new* @ Kustom9)
eyeshadow: Veechi – Moon Shadow (*new* @ REWIND)
lipstick: Wednesday[+] ~ Juliet Lip INK-(*new* @ REWIND)
CODEX_SKULLY NECKLACE -(*new* @ REWIND) UC_Agony_vest (*new* @ TLC)
//Naberius// The Manticore Nipple Piercings (Black) Maitreya
[CX] Sentinel Tentacles (*new* @ REWIND) Vinyl – Kito True-Booty Shorts Pak Black
So, I don’t write about everything I’m going through, but I do write about a fair bit. Some things are too personal…yes, even I have boundaries. *laughs* I draw my inspiration for words, photos, layouts….from a variety of places. Often it is just a violent mixture of the madness swirling about in my mind, but when my fingers meet the keys and I’m staring at this blank page…somehow I usually find a way to let something out. You see, blogging isn’t a JOB for me. Its a way of life. I’m honored that you’re interested enough to read any of it ever, but I really don’t write for YOU….I write for ME….and I am very well known for having full on arguments out loud with myself.
If all of my sponsors pulled away from me and I was suddenly dismissed from all of my blog manager jobs….none of that would stop me. Actually, my photos would probably take a seriously artistic turn around the corner. I was recently told that I need to be more professional in Second Life. Fuck that. I’m not here to be fake. This is the one place I can be completely free to be me….on every level. I don’t care for your judgement. I was told not to be friends with my bloggers. I’ve been told I’m too mean. I’m too picky. I’m too soft. I’m too nice. I try too hard. I don’t try hard enough. Here’s the thing though…I’m not here to please anyone but me. Call it selfish, fuck you….what are YOU here for? You here to help humanity? No, you’re not. You might do some good while you’re here, but lets face it…we all found our way to broken toys and those of us that actually live here? We know.
So, if you don’t like me, that’s ok…I don’t always like me either. You think I got issues? No, Baby, I got motherfucking subscriptions and my father owns the publication. *gasps* Yeah, I said it….this is MY therapy session and if you don’t like it….uhm….part of me wants to apologize, but how can I be sorry for being me. I got enough people that love me to know, I’m not that bad…but hey, s’ok…I don’t gotta make you happy. That’s your job, isn’t it? I’ll be over here taking care of mine…maybe our worlds will collide…maybe they’ll mingle and make music. For now, this is the end of this therapy session.
So, what’s the deal with Cupid? We chose the God of Date Rape as our symbol for Valentine’s Day? Who makes these decisions? I can bet it wasn’t Gloria Alfred! Okay, calm your tits, I’m just being the asshole on Valentine’s Day because this time last year I was happy it was annoying…*laughs.* So, I’m here to spoil the mood this year or at least twist it around a bit. Wait, there’s logic to this….just listen. So, cupid, this lil fuckers just goes about shooting people with an arrow that takes away their free will…forcing them to feel desire. Ok, Cupid Cosby, that’s not creepy at all! I tell ya what, Cupid….I’m ready for you….shoot me and I’m ready to shoot back. I’m not going to take your free will, though. You can will it all you want, it’s not going to work again. *grins*