Recharged

I’ve made this conscious decision not to let this year get the best of me, but the truth is I battle with depression and even more so in the last few years. My friend, Tracy, told me one of the most profound statements about depression that has ever stuck with me. She said, “Depression lies.” I really analyzed that statement or perhaps my demons did in the hopes they could prove it untrue. In my effort to deny my depression too much power, I’ve resorted to sleep. Though sleep often eludes me, there are certain combinations of medications that will knock me out for hours on end. Obviously, I cannot take these medications daily for regular sleep, or I’d be full blown addicted in no time. However, when my view of everything in the world is tainted by depression and cynicism, I know its time to avoid people and turn my back on the world. I know I need to shut down. Let my demons have my dreams. I can wake up from those. I can’t always shake the thoughts the demons plant. Today was one of those days. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and pain and envy…self-doubt…self-pity…self-loathing. The list goes on and on. Today was a day like that. It can be paralyzing which is just another reason why its easier to sleep than battle my demons. Today, my only defense was shutting down and hiding under my blankets. I’m recharged now and ready to fight back, wish me luck. ♥

wishing for a wish

wearing:
hair: [RA] Stacy Hair (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: –Belleza– Freya
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

_CandyDoll_ Domi Jumpsuit (*new* @ Kinky)
[Gos] Tamara Ankle Boots (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: GingerFish Poses – Gloss set (*new* @ TLC)

scene:
anxiety %chicago build1
BUENO-NightSpot Loft Building
BUENO-After Hours Loft Building

Advertisements

Love Cats

“We’re so wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully
Wonderfully pretty!
Oh you know that I’d do anything for you
We should have each other to tea huh?
We should have each other with cream
Then curl up by the fire
And sleep for awhile
It’s the grooviest thing
It’s the perfect dream
Into the sea
You and me
All these years and no one heard
I’ll show you in spring
It’s a treacherous thing
We missed you hissed the lovecats
We missed you hissed the lovecats
We missed you hissed the lovecats
We missed you hissed the lovecats”

Wild Cats

wearing:
hair:  .Shi Hair : Medusozoa (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

::Axix:: Aristocracy Collar
Wicca’s Wardrobe – Nemesis Arms (*new* @ We ❤ Role-Play)
_CandyDoll_ Kassie Jumpsuit (*new* @ FaMESHed)
[BREATHE]-Hiromi Heels (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose by BauHaus Movement

scene:
[BH9] – The Venue (*new* @ Equal10)
[Kres] Sinful Signs – Sex Kitten RARE
[Dollmart]Empress Chair
Fapple– Cute Slave Bed
CODEX_THE KINKY CATS (*new* @ Kinky)

They Don’t Know

“I’m brilliant
At least that’s what they say
But they don’t know I’m not
Who the hell’s to know

And I’m charming
At least that’s what they think
But they don’t know I’m not
I’m really kind of mean”
~ Missio KDV

A light snow

wearing:
hair:  {Limerence} Elena hair (*new* @ Kinky)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

Dahlia – Aspen – Earmuffs (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Dahlia – Bari – Choker
Ascendant – Merry Bento Nails (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Vinyl– Chocolate Coat Pak (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Blueberry – Cece – Winter Boots

pose: Foxcity Late Night Bento Pose Set

.Florix. Gingerbread House – Red (*new* @ Tannenbaum)

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Your strength is in your weakness

Every so often I fall back on the lyrics of a song, because so often they reflect what I’m feeling. Also, because sometimes what I’m feeling is just too painful and deeply personal to write about or I’m simply not ready.

“It finds you in a cold room
A silhouette against the wall
Lit up by the white moon
We’ll outrun the awaking dawn

You can see the faces
But you don’t know their thoughts
You can feel the traces
From the chalk lines on my heart

There’s something in the shadows
Cuts you like an arrow
Shifting through the dark
Your strength is in your weakness
There’s fire in your blood
Hanging from that hope
But everybody knows
There’s something in the shadows”
Amy Stroup -In The Shadows

Your strength is in your weakness

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Stellar  (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

.miss chelsea. Niki Headphones Silver
-:zk:- Joy (*new* @ Kinky)

pose: FOXCITY. Soulfood Bento Pose Set

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Your Nightmares are my Lullabies

I go to sleep to crime shows…let me explain why. Well, I’m not completely sure why, but I do know some of the reasons. Ok, so part of it is that I’m a city girl and I’m used to hearing noises while I sleep. I cannot sleep to complete peace and quiet. Once I’m asleep, then quiet is good. Thank goodness for sleep timers. Whoever made that a feature on TVs sure deserves more recognition. Alright, so why crime shows vs music or something “happier?” Well, I like shows that I can imagine…that I can picture without looking at the screen. The crime shows on DiscoveryID (wicked channel in the U.S.) are perfect, because the ones I watch always catch the killer and they’re on Hulu or AmazonPrime without any loud, obnoxious commercials. Forensic Files is my absolute favorite, because the narrator has the greatest voice! It’s soothing and calm, yet crystal clear. I do sometimes go to sleep to sitcoms, but only those that don’t change the scenery a lot. So, now you know why your nightmares are my lullabies. Plus I’m twisted. *grins*

your nightmares are my lullabies

wearing:
hair:   Lamb. Boyish (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

Kibitz – Cash out rings – onyx (*new* @ Kinky)
:::ChicChica::: Holy blood cocktail (*new* @ Salem)
Blueberry – Maria – Bomber Jacket
Blueberry – Maria – Skirt
Blueberry – Maria – Boots – Flat Heels (comes w/high heel version, too!)

pose: .::Attitude::. Machete_Pose_Pack (*new* @ PoseFair)

Baked

“Its been a while since I started my day with a wake-n-bake, but after last six very hectic days…I can now say it. It feels goooood,” she whispered into thin air as she stared at it lying there. It had stopped her in her tracks and she was suddenly frozen in the spot. She couldn’t move an inch…she tried to look away, but her eyes returned as witness over and over again.
“Why does it look like that? How did it get here? Is that what I think it is? OMG, what the hell is wrong with me for even thinking that?”

xtc sassy pose fair_004
“WHAT IS IT!?!?!?!” screams Tracy from the other end of the call.

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Garden (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee

KITJA – Karina Sweatshirt WHITE
UC_Morgan (*new* @ Kinky)
Eudora3D Riding Boots (*new* @ Salem)

pose: ~X.T.C PoSes~ Miss Sassy [Static Pack] (*new* @ Pose Fair)
location: Bardeco

…just some words i wrote

He called in sick, when I needed him most
He only saw a piece of the aftermath
And he called in sick
What could I do?
He wasn’t to mine to be true.
Be mad? Nah.
Why?
Is that what you would do?

zk & noir kinky event

wearing:
hair:  Sintiklia – Hair Xia
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee

:::NOIR::: Marie Bracelets (*new* @ Kinky)
Ascendant – Nude Bento Nails (*new* @ Kinky)
-:zk:- Tania Top (*new* @ Kinky)
-:zk:- Tania Shorts (*new* @ Kinky)

pose: FOXCITY. What Gives Bento Pose Set
Paparazzi – Pose Hallway – AMBER

Let Me Go

This says everything I have to say and more…

Avril Lavigne – Let Me Go ft. Chad Kroeger

Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone in the hall
But I still remember, the pain of December

Oh, there isn’t one thing left you could say
I’m sorry it’s too late

I’m breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I’ve said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

You came back to find I was gone
And that place is empty,
Like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It’s not what you meant to me
Thought we were meant to be

Oh, there isn’t one thing left you could say
I’m sorry it’s too late

I’m breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I’ve said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

I let it go and now I know
A brand new life is down this road
And when it’s right, you always know
So this time I won’t let go

There’s only one thing left here to say
Love’s never too late

I’ve broken free from those memories
I’ve let it go, I’ve let it go
And two goodbyes led to this new life
Don’t let me go, don’t let me go

Don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go

Won’t let you go, don’t let me go

lybra and gos

wearing:
hair:  Tableau Vivant // Dakota hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly

shanghai – Acalia Black Necklace (*new* @ Vanity Event)
LYBRA . MISHA  (*new* @ Kinky)
[Gos] Rockstud T-strap Pumps (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: GingerFish Poses Neon Burn stand (*new* @ TLC)
All The Way *RARE* – Jacked Backdrops – The Bearded Guy (*new* @ Vanity Event)

Nothing Specific

It’s really easy to misunderstand what’s going on with other people, especially in a virtual world. So often the message depends on the perception of the reader and unless you’re adding a bit of an emote along with your words they can be easily misunderstood and thus the drama begins. What thing is for sure, there’s plenty of that happening across the grid. I think its one of the main reasons I like to voice. I don’t like my voice, but I do prefer talking to people when I can, because the inflections of one’s voice can really can make a world of difference. I realize I’m sorta rambling on about nothing specific here, but sometimes that’s just how my mind works.

Queen

 

wearing:
hair:  #Besom~Dream
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly

Scandalize.SEDUCTION.Mask Gold (*new* @ Arcade)
(AMD) Leafy Armbands – Gold
Scandalize.Maily.DRESS. (*new* @ Kinky)
_CandyDoll_ Alessia Boots (*new* @ Uber)

pose: FOXCITY. Legs for Days Bento Pose Set

scene:
BUENO-Room at the Top -Forget- RARE
Refuge – Spring Gala Table Light Pink
+Half-Deer+ Coming up Roses – Frames
::{u.f.o}::Swan Lake, Act1 – classic phone pink
tres blah– Eclectic Collection -Large Nesting Box
Scandalize. SEDUCTION Box (*new* @ Arcade)
RSD Baroque Daybed (*new* @ FaMESHed)
REIGN.- PLANNER- QUEEN (DECOR)- #21
BUENO-Cat Phone -White
REIGN.- PLANNER DECO CART (ARIS)- RARE 1
18 Fancy Decor: Queen Bee Engraving

WordPress.com.

Up ↑