Not my wish for them

People never want to address being on that secrets website. Understandably, they don’t want to give their hater(s) more power or attention. Yet, sometimes I kinda like being on there, because when I am, all the people that love me come remind me how much they love me. That’s a pretty special gift and I appreciate each of them for that.
I am so blessed to be surrounded by some of the truest hearts on this planet. The ones that truly love me are far more genuine about their love for me than those sad souls that hate me here and there. When they are so focused on their dislike of me, they are missing out on all the good things in their life. Not my wish for them…or anyone else for that matter, but that is the choice they make.
I also find it amusing that the things posted there are rarely secrets, at all. They are usually just opinions from uninformed people with little else to do than complain about those around them. I’d suggest a hobby, but I think their hate probably is as close to that as they come. As for the most recent post? Well, I can’t take that personally. I was rather shocked that I won the award, too! I’m not a hoe though. I mean, honestly, I suck at gardening! If they meant the other kind, well…I’m not that either and they really should learn to spell, along with some grammar. *laughs*

Credits:

tram J1016 hair @ Uber
LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.0
[LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
[Glam Affair] Lelutka Applier – Arlet @ Uber

^^Swallow^^ Urban Ears
BUENO-Bella Necklace-LEGACY-Gold

.miss chelsea. Cari Cardi @ Uber
.miss chelsea. Cari Jeans  @ Uber
[Gos] Zara Chained Mules

[Rezz Room] European Cat Baby Animesh

pose: Amitie Autumn Hanging Chair @ Uber

I’m a Mess

I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a downer lately and I know it’s true. I’ve also been told that I need to socialize more, but the downer thing is exactly why I can’t right now. I have to keep busy, keep moving forward until all of this real life crap is so far behind me that I can barely see it, much less cry over it. I’m sorry to to the friends that need me right now. I’m simply not strong enough for both of right now. You deserve better, but please know that I do love you all…I am just a mess right now. I’m doing my best to keep myself pulled together, but the minute I stop moving forward…the very moment I let my demons have so much as one second of time in my head. I’m doomed. So, am I withdrawing and isolating? Yes, a bit, but I am trying not to withdraw too much. I even reached out to a handful of friends to do some collaborations. So, you’ll be seeing those soon. ♥

wearing:
hair:  #Foxy – Luxe Hair (*new* @ N21)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: –Belleza– Freya
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

[Cynful] Chilli Jersey – Earrings
UC_Winter_cozy_sweater (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Hurley Ankle Boots (*new* @ Uber)

pose: FOXCITY. Sits VOL3 Bento Pose Set

scene:
KraftWork Hygge (*new* @ Uber)
-KraftWork Hygge Snowy Cabin
-KraftWorh Hygge Bed
-KraftWork Hygge Rug
-KraftWork Hygge Table Short
-KraftWork Hygge Wall Lamp Left
-KraftWork Hygge Wall Lamp Right

RO – Home for the Holidays – Alaska RARE

 

Is This What I’ve Become?

“All the voices in my head are coming to life
They’re getting louder and I’m terrified
How do you run from your own mind?
Is this what I’ve become?
Take it back what have I done”
~Faith Marie – Antidote

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Fox – Fatpack (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee

^^Swallow^^ Princess Bento Rings
Scandalize.Elva.TOP. (*new* @ Uber)
Scandalize.Elva.LEGGINGS (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Emma Strap Pumps (*new* @ Uber)

pose: [KoKoLoReS] Sadness pose pack (*new* @ Pose Fair)
MINIMAL – Checkpoint Corridor  (*new* @ Uber)

The Fighter

I’m on a music kick at the moment and I’ve been dealing with more pain than usual….so, I’m letting the music speak for me.

In This Moment – The Fighter

I don’t need you to save me
I don’t need you to cure me
I don’t need you and your antidote for I am my disease

I don’t need you to free me
I don’t need you to help me
I don’t need you to lead me through the light

I will always fall and rise again
Your venomous heroine
‘Cause I am a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter

I will fall and rise above
And in your hate I find love
‘Cause I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter

I will not hide my face
I will not fall from grace
I’ll walk into the fire, baby

All my life
I was afraid to die
And now I come alive inside these flames

You don’t want me to love you
You don’t want me to need you
You don’t want to look at me for you will turn to stone

You don’t want me to hurt you
You don’t want me to bite you
You don’t want me or my aching soul

For I will only fall and rise again
Your venomous heroine
I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter

I will fall and rise above
And in your hate I find love
‘Cause I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter

I will not hide my face
I will not fall from grace
I’ll walk into the fire, baby.

All my life
I was afraid to die
But now I come alive inside these flames!

I don’t need you to save me
‘Cause I’m a survivor
Yeah, I am a fighter

I will not hide my face,
I will not fall from grace,
I’ll walk into the fire, baby

All my life
I was afraid to die
But now I come alive inside these
Alive inside these
Alive inside these

wearing:
hair:   *Besom Hair~ Pixie *Essentials* #8
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
eyes: LOTUS. Balance Eyes 17 (Catwa) RARE (*new* @ Vanity Event)
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [PUMEC] – Alexa – / May \ – SKIN (*new* @ Vanity Event)

Astralia – Scorpion ring
LYBRA . XL STILETTO NAILS
LYBRA . VIPER FATPACK (*new* @ FrouFrou)
.:Avanti:. Classique Nylons – Black

[Gos] JAdore Pumps (*new* @ C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Leaning (Stand) VOL2 Bento Pose Set
[Bad Unicorn] ‘Blue’ Bowie Backdrop (*new* @ TMD)

Let Me Go

This says everything I have to say and more…

Avril Lavigne – Let Me Go ft. Chad Kroeger

Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone in the hall
But I still remember, the pain of December

Oh, there isn’t one thing left you could say
I’m sorry it’s too late

I’m breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I’ve said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

You came back to find I was gone
And that place is empty,
Like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It’s not what you meant to me
Thought we were meant to be

Oh, there isn’t one thing left you could say
I’m sorry it’s too late

I’m breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I’ve said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

I let it go and now I know
A brand new life is down this road
And when it’s right, you always know
So this time I won’t let go

There’s only one thing left here to say
Love’s never too late

I’ve broken free from those memories
I’ve let it go, I’ve let it go
And two goodbyes led to this new life
Don’t let me go, don’t let me go

Don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go, don’t let me go

Won’t let you go, don’t let me go

wearing:
hair:  Tableau Vivant // Dakota hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly

– shanghai – Acalia Black Necklace (*new* @ Vanity Event)
LYBRA . MISHA  (*new* @ Kinky)
[Gos] Rockstud T-strap Pumps (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: GingerFish Poses Neon Burn stand (*new* @ TLC)
All The Way *RARE* – Jacked Backdrops – The Bearded Guy (*new* @ Vanity Event)

One Night

He showed up at the club while she was working. He was with a loud mouth girl, who clearly couldn’t hold her liquor. She had done her best to ignore them both, but as he would come to the bar to order drinks, he would grab her for a few words. She never could fight the attraction, but he frightened her. He was a good guy and she didn’t know how to deal with good guys. Bad boys were her thing, because they were safe. She always knew how those relationships would go, but one look from him and she was frozen in place. When he suggested they talk in the back room, she couldn’t resist. Part of her longed to have him back, but he had yet to show her that he had changed as much as he said he did. But one night…just one more night, wouldn’t hurt, right?

wearing:
hair: Lamb. Gem (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)

[Canimal] Truth (*new* @ Uber)
UC_Milda_leather_pants (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Snooki Wedges (*new* @ Uber)

pose: PURPLE POSES – Couple 410

scene:
anxiety %apt78 skybox
anxiety %apt78 fridge
anxiety %apt78 broken mirror
anxiety %apt78 dirty mattress

male model: Kronic Stoanes

Watch Your Step

Here lately, I’ve found my creativity being poured into my photos, along with my heart. Though it may not always come across the viewer, there’s a spark of fire behind each one. I think I will continue to put a song with each post, but I’m going to go back to putting an embedded link at the very bottom of the post. I feel really guilty and sorta lazy when all I post is lyrics. On the other hand, I think sometimes I’m a too honest about my feelings and while I don’t know who actually reads them beyond a handful of completely amazing people, the wrong people certainly could. Thus, I’m starting to understand why Deva calls me brave sometimes. No, Deva, its called stupidity. LOL! I just know that one of these days something from my blog is going to come back to bite me in the ass. In the meantime, I’ll try watching where I step, cuz I seem to be stepping from one mess to another these days….and I advise you all to do the same.

wearing:

hair:  TRUTH / Athena
head: CATWA HEAD Lona

eyeshadow: Veechi – Tropical Paradise Shadow FLF

ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [Glam Affair] Austine Applier [ Catwa ] Basic Line FLF
piercings: –SU!– Piercing Set 07 Septum & Nose Studs

_CandyDoll_ Mily Dress (*new* @ Kinky)

[Gos] Heidi Slingbacks (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: Le Poppycock *Minor Obsession*  set

Bad At Love

I identify so much with this song, that it often gets stuck in my head for days. Definitely been hearing it quite a bit lately. So, gonna let the lyrics and melody do the work for me.

Halsey ~ Bad At Love

Got a boy back home in Michigan
And it tastes like Jack when I’m kissing him
So I told him that I never really liked his friends
Now he’s gone and he’s calling me a bitch again
There’s a guy that lives in a garden state
And he told me that we make it ’til we graduate
So I told him the music would be worth the wait
But he wants me in the kitchen with a dinner plate

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe
That we’re meant to be
But jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy
Get the best of me
Look, I don’t mean to frustrate, but I
Always make the same mistakes, yeah I
Always make the same mistakes ’cause

I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
But you can’t blame me for tryin’
You know I’d be lyin’ sayin’
You were the one (ooh-ooh)
That could finally fix me
Lookin’ at my history
I’m bad at love

Got a girl with California eyes
And I thought that she could really be the one this time
But I never got the chance to make her mine
Because she fell in love with little thin white lines
London girl with an attitude
We never told no one but we look so cute
Both got way better things to do
But I always think about it when I’m riding through

I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe
That I’m in too deep
And jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy
Get the best in me
Look, I don’t mean to frustrate, but I
Always make the same mistakes, yeah I
Always make the same mistakes ’cause

I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
But you can’t blame me for tryin’
You know I’d be lyin’ sayin’
You were the one (ooh-ooh)
That could finally fix me
Lookin’ at my history
I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
Oh, you know, you know, you know (ooh-ooh)
I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)

I know that you’re afraid
I’m gonna walk away
Each time the feeling fades
Each time the feeling fades
I know that you’re afraid
I’m gonna walk away
Each time the feeling fades

You know I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
But you can’t blame me for tryin’
You know I’d be lyin’ sayin’
You were the one (ooh-ooh)
That could finally fix me
Lookin’ at my history
I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
Oh, you know, you know, you know (ooh-ooh)
I’m bad at love (ooh-ooh)
Oh, oh

wearing:
hair:   [RA] Jill Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Willow – Jamaica (*new* @ Uber)

.::Dead Dollz::. Lisieux Lingerie (*new* @ FaMESHed)
[Gos] Boutique – Diana D’Orsay Pumps (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: [addme.] Pose#099 (Single-Lay) bx (*new* @ Pose Fair)

Hollow

Going through a lot these days and sometimes it is just impossible for me to form the words to express what I’m feeling. In cases like this, I will use a song and this time, Tori Kelly has them.

Tori Kelly ~ Hollow

I don’t wanna be the last man standing
I don’t wanna be the lonely one
Picking petals when the party’s over
No, it’s not any fun

‘Cause I’m fragile
And you know this

So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh

I don’t wanna be the first one folding
I don’t wanna be the joker heart
Tell me, darling, will you understand me?
And not show me your cards?

‘Cause I’m paper-thin
And you, you make me whole again

So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh

I confess (yeah), my weakness
Til you pick up the parts that are broken
Pour out your perfection on me now

And hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty, ’cause only your love can fill up my cup
So hold me
Wrap me in love, fill up my cup
Empty and only your love can fill up my cup
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh
‘Cause I’m hollow
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh
‘Cause I’m hollow (yeah)
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh (oh yeah)
‘Cause I’m hollow (I’m hollow)
Yeah, I’m hollow, oh oh oh

wearing:
hair:  Tableau Vivant // Paula hair (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Willow – Jamaica (*new* @ Uber)

–Narcisse– Lia Bodychain
[Gos] Diana Lingerie Set (*new* @ Uber)
–David Heather-Block Fur Trenchcoat/Tan

pose: FOXCITY. Stairs (Standing) Bento Pose Set
Lively – Classy Curtain {Silver/White} Backdrop

Warmth of the Sun

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”  Helen Keller

I don’t have a lot to say, just that I’m doing my best to look forward and when good things come my way, I’m going to embrace them. I’m holding on to that perfect moment in the sun, not too hot, not too cold, but the warmth of the sun washes over my skin like silk. So, that’s it for now….stay tuned, I’ve got some music posts coming up…at least three. I’m sure I’ll find something to ramble on about at some point, feel free to offer suggestions..lol.

wearing:
hair: tram H0527 hair (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Olivia Applier ( Catwa / Annie ) Jamaica 01 RARE

{le fil casse} Kayla Top (*new* @ The Liaison Collaborative)
UC_Jean_shorts_ (*new* @ equal10)
[Gos] Bella Thong Platforms (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose by Foxcity

location: Arranmore