It’s no secret that I love October. Between my birthday and Halloween, how could I not? Even if you’re not into the dark, bloody, scary side of Halloween, there are all sorts of cute bits out there to help you get in the mood. Plus its the perfect time of year to break out colors you might not otherwise wear, like purple and black…or orange…or just go a teensy bit goth. This is the perfect time to experiment with your look, cuz if you hate it or other people don’t react well, you can just say its a costume, right? There’s so much fun stuff out there right now, I can’t imagine not shopping during October. Let’s face it, most of us don’t need an excuse to shop, but having even more reasons than usual doesn’t hurt either. *winks* Today is super busy for me, so I’m not writing a ton. I wish you all a wonderful weekend and an awesome October!!
foundation hair: DOUX – Sam hairstyle head: LeLUTKA Erin Head 3.1 eyes: AG. Elegance Eyes head skin: [Glam Affair] Rayne Skin [Lelutka EvoX] @ UBER body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.4) body skin: VELOUR: The “Ipanema Body” for Legacy
Brand new goods! That’s right, Stealthic has released a brand new hair at Anthem, clearly inspired by Anya Taylor-Joy‘s character, Beth Harmon, from the recent hit The Queen’s Gambit. I loved the story and highly recommend it to anyone looking for something to binge on Netflix. Naturally, Hunter does not disappoint with a fun new short hairstyle. I am already obsessed with Gambit.
Ahh, but Hunter isn’t the only one feeding my inner fashion junkie. Cynful has designed the Mile High Jumpsuit for the upcoming round of Collabor88 and it is fabulous! Now, anyone that reads me regularly knows that my favorite color for fashion is FATPACK! Plus, I’m a very lucky blogger that’s been on the Cynful team since….*thinks for a minute*…2016! Now, I just won’t say much if I don’t have good things to say, but this jumpsuit? OMG, I’m not going to want to stop talking about it nor will I want to take it off anytime soon. This is truly one of the sexiest things I’ve seen in the grid in quite a while. It’s not super revealing, but there are no curves hidden in this sexy number. The hud comes with an option for flat or high feet, too. It is a bit tricky finding the right shoes to fit under the perfectly flared, unzipped cut, but I am sure you all can find something. I’ve paired a sleek minimal pair of N-Core’s Elvira Heels with mine. I went with a taupe natural color, cuz let’s face it….in this outfit no one is looking at your shoes. Yet, you don’t want something sticking through the back of the shoe either, so chunky pumps are out!
I’ll put it this way. A male friend of mine sent a message to Cynthia of Cynful to thank her for this sexy jumpsuit on behalf of men across the grid. So, if nothing else, you’ll want to hit up Collabor88 for this jumpsuit ASAP.
hair: Stealthic – Gambit @ Anthem head: LeLUTKA Lilly Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: #3 — PUMEC – NADYA – JANUARY — LELUTKA x BOM @ Epiphany tattoo: Lilithe’// Scylla Tattoo
RichB. Skully Arm Band RichB. Halo Cuffs Cynful Mile High Jumpsuit @ C88 N-core ELVIRA heels
Yes, I’m still processing challenges from my Challenge to Challenge post. Today I’m addressing RubyStarlight Writer‘s challenge. She suggested diamonds & mud. Unfortunately, I’m very sick in RL and all I can think of is that a stripper named Diamonds is a star mud wrestler. Yeah, I know, its weak, but so am I atm. I’m sorry, Ruby. Right now, I just want to crawl into a grave and pull a blanket of dirt over me.
I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a downer lately and I know it’s true. I’ve also been told that I need to socialize more, but the downer thing is exactly why I can’t right now. I have to keep busy, keep moving forward until all of this real life crap is so far behind me that I can barely see it, much less cry over it. I’m sorry to to the friends that need me right now. I’m simply not strong enough for both of right now. You deserve better, but please know that I do love you all…I am just a mess right now. I’m doing my best to keep myself pulled together, but the minute I stop moving forward…the very moment I let my demons have so much as one second of time in my head. I’m doomed. So, am I withdrawing and isolating? Yes, a bit, but I am trying not to withdraw too much. I even reached out to a handful of friends to do some collaborations. So, you’ll be seeing those soon. ♥
“Pink it’s my new obsession
Yeah, pink it’s not even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover, cause
Pink is the love you discovah
Pink as the bing on your cherry
Pink cause you are so very
Pink it’s the color of passion
A-cause today it just goes with the fashion”
~ Aerosmith – Pink
She has to excuse herself to the restroom to keep it together. She’d never let him know how she truly felt. It was futile. They would never be more than friends. She had accepted her fate years ago, but tonight as he shared photos of himself with other women…it gutted her. She knew she was better off, but she couldn’t help that each photo felt like a knife in her chest. She could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks as she slid down the wall. She chastised herself, “Get it together. This is not about you!”
Every so often I fall back on the lyrics of a song, because so often they reflect what I’m feeling. Also, because sometimes what I’m feeling is just too painful and deeply personal to write about or I’m simply not ready.
“It finds you in a cold room
A silhouette against the wall
Lit up by the white moon
We’ll outrun the awaking dawn
You can see the faces
But you don’t know their thoughts
You can feel the traces
From the chalk lines on my heart
There’s something in the shadows
Cuts you like an arrow
Shifting through the dark
Your strength is in your weakness
There’s fire in your blood
Hanging from that hope
But everybody knows
There’s something in the shadows”
~ Amy Stroup -In The Shadows
“Do you ever get the feeling that you can’t shift the tide
That sticks around like something’s in your teeth
And some aces up your sleeve
I had no idea that you’re in deep
I dreamt about you near me every night this week
How many secrets can you keep’
‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow
When I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep”
~ Arctic Monkeys – Do I Wanna Know?
“I’m just letting you know I’m emotionally unavailable
I’d love to reciprocate your love but I’m incapable
I know that you don’t get it, but I’m just so unstable
And all I could think about is how you’d be unfaithful
You think that I am crazy
But that, that does not phase me
And no, you cannot change me
Just know you cannot save me”
~ Olivia O’Brien – Trust Issues
I really want to elaborate on how deeply the quoted lyrics above hit home. There has only been ONE man in my entire life that has not betrayed me and that was my maternal Grandfather. I honestly do not believe he ever would have either. Granted, I was only 7yrs old the last time I saw him before he died, but the way my mother talks about him…well, I have to believe he never would have betrayed me. He was amazing the had the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Every other man in my life has hurt me by making me feel less than worthy. Every man I’ve dated has cheated either with me or on me. Yes, I said with me. You see, I learned my lesson about the betrayal early on. So, in my early 20s, I wouldn’t date a man that didn’t have a woman at home. Why? Because at that time, I would have rather been the woman he cheats with than the woman he cheats on. I was treated exceptionally well by those men and had no restrictions. They couldn’t very well insist on monogamy from me when they were going home to fuck someone else, now could they?
I’m not saying there aren’t some good, honest men out there. All I can say is that they’ve not been men I dealt with for very long. Perhaps its the type of men I’m attracted to. I can accept that. Regardless of why, it comes down to this one thing. I am incapable of trusting a man romantically. I tried to last year, but like all the rest….that led to betrayal and the shattered remains of a heart that wasn’t even healed from the last betrayal. The promises people make when they think they’re in love….hmmmm, I don’t know, I suppose the old addage, “Promises were made to be broken,” has proven to be true….at least in my life. So, trust issues? Nah, more like a full blown subscription to NTA….never trust anyone.