Let You Down

Have you ever been in a situation that you’d give up just about anything to make it work out, but somethings just don’t work…no matter how much you want them to…and trying to force it to work just makes it worse? You feel like you’ve been screaming, but like the scream in your nightmares…it catches there on the edge of silence. You know you’re not invisible, but you’re definitely not heard. Your pain is ignored and trivialized to the point that you apologize for being so irrational. Its terribly unhealthy…you know you have to walk away. You know you’re going to look back and if there is any love in this world…they won’t be there watching you leave.

You crawl into a comfortable cloudy corny of yourself. Isolated and withdrawn, you don’t want to be alone, but you can’t stand the thought of being seen this way. There’s a really funny reflection in the bottle with this dim light. Tonight you hide, tonight you decide your fate, but tomorrow you’ll crawl back into the light and soldier on another day. Oh, but we don’t want to think about that…the cycle is maddening. What kinds of toys are we playing with in this madhouse? Why am I so different? This is all that’s left.

let you down3
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I’m sorry that I let you down

wearing:
hair:  +Spellbound+ x SIIX Pyramids (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier
_CandyDoll_ Layla Dress (*new* @ C88)
_CandyDoll_ Layla Boots (*new* @ C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Insomnia Bento Pose Set
PM & Vibes – Neon Studio Apartment
Fapple- BDSM Tool Box

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Furry Knees

How differently would you behave if you knew your every single moved was being observed? I’m talking about every move…every breath…every sneeze…even your trips to the bathroom….your shower…your private time…when you sleep. I just finished watching The Circle with Tom Hanks and Emma Watson. The entire concept of privacy and social media is explored in a really interesting way. It got me thinking…about the smallest of things…like whether or not my feet look dry. Would I tell say that pants are overrated and keep them off as I move freely about my own home? Imagine absolutely no privacy ever. Not that someone IS always watching, but they could be and you’ve no way of knowing unless you’re interacting on social media. Just thinking about this made me push my hair behind my eyes and cross my bare legs under my desk.
Of course, the squirrels distracted me and I quickly forgot that I was acting as if…I think there’s probably a few things I’d do different, I’m sure, but I think we’d probably just get a lot more real with one another. No, I didn’t shave my legs today…yesterday either. I know! *giggles* Of course, I will now, cuz everyone is gonna ask and we all know that Tracy Redangel is the one with the furry knees.

Duh
wearing:
hair: :::Phoenix::: Brittany Hair (*new* @ Mainstore)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Karina – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Asia (*new* @ Kustom9)
Kibitz – Duh necklace – silver (*new* @ REWIND)
Scandalize.Ashley-TOP. (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)
Scandalize.Ashley-SKIRT. (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)
Scandalize. Ashley.Heels.  (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)

pose: FOXCITY. Sass Bento Pose Set (*new* @ Limit8)
FOXCITY. Lipstick Lounge – Azure (*new* @ Hidden TCF)

Black Widow

“Love me ‘till you’re dead, you will not forget
You’ll still love me, dead or alive”
~InThis Moment – Black Widow

So, I just woke up after a real strange night and as I sometimes do, I shared the photo with a few friends and asked for suggestions on what to write. Well, Grace said, “You look like some sort of cyber black widow.” Well, that took me straight to one of my favorite bands. So, I’ve paired the photo with some In This Moment and I’ll leave you with that.

I’ll wake and bake for the next post. *grins* That should prove interesting, right?

REWIND5
Yes, the dangerous black widow is to be approached with caution, as the black widow’s bite can cause death
The black widow is easily recognized by her coal black body and red hourglass marking
She encases her victims with silk, and then kills with poison from her fangs

 

wearing:
hair: Doe: Crinkle Fries (*new* @ REWIND)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Karina – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Asia (*new* @ Kustom9)
eyeshadow: Veechi – Moon Shadow (*new* @ REWIND)
lipstick: Wednesday[+] ~ Juliet Lip INK-(*new* @ REWIND)
CODEX_SKULLY NECKLACE -(*new* @ REWIND)
UC_Agony_vest (*new* @ TLC)
//Naberius// The Manticore Nipple Piercings (Black) Maitreya
[CX] Sentinel Tentacles (*new* @ REWIND)
Vinyl – Kito True-Booty Shorts Pak Black

pose: FOXCITY. Me Time Bento Pose Set

scene:
FOXCITY. Photo Booth – Linear (Limited) (*new* @ Limit8)
uK – Vintage Truck Bar Red

 

Therapy Session

So, I don’t write about everything I’m going through, but I do write about a fair bit. Some things are too personal…yes, even I have boundaries. *laughs* I draw my inspiration for words, photos, layouts….from a variety of places. Often it is just a violent mixture of the madness swirling about in my mind, but when my fingers meet the keys and I’m staring at this blank page…somehow I usually find a way to let something out. You see, blogging isn’t a JOB for me. Its a way of life. I’m honored that you’re interested enough to read any of it ever, but I really don’t write for YOU….I write for ME….and I am very well known for having full on arguments out loud with myself.
If all of my sponsors pulled away from me and I was suddenly dismissed from all of my blog manager jobs….none of that would stop me. Actually, my photos would probably take a seriously artistic turn around the corner. I was recently told that I need to be more professional in Second Life. Fuck that. I’m not here to be fake. This is the one place I can be completely free to be me….on every level. I don’t care for your judgement.  I was told not to be friends with my bloggers. I’ve been told I’m too mean. I’m too picky. I’m too soft. I’m too nice. I try too hard. I don’t try hard enough. Here’s the thing though…I’m not here to please anyone but me. Call it selfish, fuck you….what are YOU here for? You here to help humanity? No, you’re not. You might do some good while you’re here, but lets face it…we all found our way to broken toys and those of us that actually live here? We know.
So, if you don’t like me, that’s ok…I don’t always like me either. You think I got issues? No, Baby, I got motherfucking subscriptions and my father owns the publication. *gasps* Yeah, I said it….this is MY therapy session and if you don’t like it….uhm….part of me wants to apologize, but how can I be sorry for being me. I got enough people that love me to know, I’m not that bad…but hey, s’ok…I don’t gotta make you happy. That’s your job, isn’t it? I’ll be over here taking care of mine…maybe our worlds will collide…maybe they’ll mingle and make music. For now, this is the end of this therapy session.

rain brings truth
I mean, I think sometimes people they confuse what I’m doing
I write about life, I write about things that I’m actually dealing with
Something that I’m actually experiencing, this is real for me
Like this is something that personally helps me as well

wearing:
hair: pr!tty – Bellena (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier
[Z O O M] Clymena Glasses (*new* @ FaMESHed)
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set
[Cynful] Lioness 2in1 Top (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Legal Insanity  – Myra flared black pants

pose: FOXCITY. Breather VOL2 Animated Pose Set (*new* @ Kustom9)

Hell to Pay

So, when you have gorgeous friends and you’re a blogger, you tend to want to  show them off. For this post, my friend, Dusty was kind enough to sit pensively on this loveseat while I talked his ear off and shot pictures.  He’s quite the photographer himself, so click his name and check him out. Wishing you all a great weekend. ♥

Bartholomew The Silent Comedy

Oh my god please help me knee deep in the river trying to get clean
He says wash your hands get out the stains
But you best believe boy there’s hell to pay yeah you best believe boy there’s hell to pay
Come on

Oh my God please help me waist deep in the river can you hear my plea
He says son you come like a begger in the streets
You might make it boy but by the skin of your teeth
You might make it boy but by the skin of your teeth, sayin’

I rambled with the worst of them
Fell in love with a harlequin
Saw the darkest hearts of men
And I saw myself staring back again and I saw myself staring back again

Oh my God please help me neck deep in the river screaming for relief!
He says it’s mine to give but it’s yours to choose
You gonna sink or swim you gonna learn the truth no matter what you do your gonna learn the truth saying

Ate the bread that once was stones
Fell from a cliff never broke a bone
Bowed down to get the kings overthrown
Now I’m all alone and the fires grows and I’m all alone and the fires grows

Swing sweet charity take what’s left of me
A new beginning or is this the end
Swing sweet Seraphim take me back again or watch me make the messes of men

Best You Believe
But you best believe, boy, there’s hell to pay.

Ðυѕтч MF’и Wαѕρ is wearing:
hair: VoltHair. Bruno Hair
hair: CATWA HEAD Daniel
body: [Signature] Gianni – Body
.:E.A.Studio:. Ears Dragon Knight
[ kunst ] – Stern necklace
Legal Insanity  – Owen skinny jeans (*new* @ FaMESHed)
*X*plosion Smasher Boots

pose: Foxcity. Mens – Solitude Pack

scene:
BUENO-Mulder Loft Building-Regular (*new* @ Uber)
BUENO-LoveHateLove Seat-Red Velvet (*new* @ ROMP)
DRD – Series 01 – Fireplace – Light (Feb Shadow Box)
DRD – Series 01 – Smoking Table – Light (Feb Shadow Box)

Be The Reason

None of us are perfect and most of us live with our share of regrets. I usually say that I have no regrets, because I am where I am because of everything that’s happened to me to get me here. However, that’s not really true. Regardless of where the path had led, if there were things I could go back and change, I would. I would undo the pain I’ve caused others. I would have treated myself better over the years and demanded better from others.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I felt I had a reason to live. You see for the longest time, I wanted to die almost every day. I have my reasons for wanting the sweet comfort of the final act, but I also have my reasons for staying alive. There are days that I struggle with both sides of that coin, but someone always finds a way to remind me why its so good that I am still here.
The first thing I had to do was forgive myself. I think that is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s really easy for me to forgive others. I’m really good at letting go (though I wasn’t always). The thing is we can’t really move through our lives without hurting people from time to time. We don’t always mean to hurt others and we rarely set out to hurt ourselves, but when we carry around toxic thoughts and feelings, that’s exactly what we do. We hurt ourselves.
There’s a song that most of you all know, “The Reason” by Hoobastank. This song came out when I was making some major life changes and it became somewhat of an anthem for me. Its a song that I sing to myself and yes, sometimes I actually sing it to myself in the mirror, because there’s no greater reason to change than to change for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fix you….be the reason you change and those changes will be yours that no one can take from you. Forgive yourself and be the reason to treat yourself better than anyone else ever could. You’ll be surprised how many people follow suit and started treating you better, too.

getting close
Thank you, Aaron. ♥

Aaron is wearing:
FLite. -Trucker Cap
hair: CATWA HEAD Daniel
ears: Stretched ears-Omimi- [MANDALA]
body: [Signature] Gianni – Body
SIG GIANNI Size – CARSON Hoodie by ColdAsh

wearing:
hair: Exile – Wildfire (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set
LYBRA . SORANA

pose: FOXCITY. Close (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

PM & Vibes – Neon Studio Apartment

Cupid Is a Rapist

So, what’s the deal with Cupid? We chose the God of Date Rape as our symbol for Valentine’s Day? Who makes these decisions? I can bet it wasn’t Gloria Alfred! Okay, calm your tits, I’m just being the asshole on Valentine’s Day because this time last year I was happy it was annoying…*laughs.* So, I’m here to spoil the mood this year or at least twist it around a  bit. Wait, there’s logic to this….just listen. So, cupid, this lil fuckers just goes about shooting people with an arrow that takes away their free will…forcing them to feel desire. Ok, Cupid Cosby, that’s not creepy at all! I tell ya what, Cupid….I’m ready for you….shoot me and I’m ready to shoot back. I’m not going to take your free will, though. You can will it all you want, it’s not going to work again. *grins*

cupid is a rapist

wearing:
Foxcity. Smitten Wreath (*gift* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)
hair: MINA – Maddie (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
Bossie. Y2K eyeshadows  (*new* @ REWIND)
Bossie. Y2K lipsticks & gloss (*new* @ REWIND)
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier
tattoo: .Identity. Body Shop – Reborn Stronger
Narcisse– Keely Harness (February Bound Box)

pose: FOXCITY. Cupid Bento Pose Set (*new* @ ON9)

7 – Lets Get Physical Neon PINK – Solid

My Cup

I have been on my death bed for…well, today is day 6 and I swear this has to end soon or I’m going insane for sure. I was gonna try to write about how blessed I am and how my cup runneth over, but I’m not feeling so blessed right now. At the moment, I’m feeling like fresh road kill that’s still twitching. So, the only thing in my cup right now is cold meds, juice, soup, more cold meds, tea…DEATH.
So, yeah, I don’t have a lot to say except, “KMN!”

my cup

wearing:
hair:  [RA]  Shelby Hair (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane
#17 Sintiklia  – Sweet berry – Choker white
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set
[Cynful] Lucid Dream – Bra + Panty set (*new* @ FrouFrou)

I can’t tell you what Leric was wearing, because he’s a butthead and won’t answer questions. I really appreciate his company and his help with this shot.

pose: FOXCITY.. You’re My Cuppa Tea (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

Guitar Man

As soon as I saw this pose from Foxcity, I knew immediately this would be a song post, because what else could it be, an idea born in Satomi’s head began one of those truly transcendent moments. Once again, music says it better than I ever could.  Being a lover or poetry, I often find myself falling in love with the lyrics of a song, sometimes more than the melody. This is one of those songs, that lifts me up and takes me on a little journey back in time….a montage of fading memories…joyous times…broken moments…and escape.

Bread – Guitar Man

Who draws the crowd and plays so loud, baby, it’s the guitar man
Who’s gonna steal the show, you know, baby, it’s the guitar man
He can make you love, he can make you cry
He will bring you down and he’ll get you high
Somethin’ keeps him goin’ miles and miles a day
To find another place to play

Night after night, who treats you right, baby, it’s the guitar man
Who’s on the radio, you go and listen to the guitar man
Then he comes to town and you see his face
And you think you might like to take his place
Somethin’ keeps him driftin’ miles and miles away
Searching for the songs to play

Then you listen to the music and you like to sing along
You want to get the meaning out of each and every song
Then you find yourself a message and some words to call your own and take ’em home

He can make you love, he can get you high
He will bring you down, then he’ll make, make you cry
Somethin’ keeps him movin’, but no one seems to know
What it is that makes him go

Then the lights begin to flicker and the sound is getting dim
The voice begins to falter and the crowds are getting thin
But he never seems to notice, he’s just got to find another place to play

Fade away
Got to play
Fade away
Got to play

write the song

Sady is wearing:
hair:  [RA]  Sady Hair (*new* @ C88) squeeeee!
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Kinky)
[Cynful]  Rainy Baby – Hoodie + Panty Set (*new* @ C88)
:CULT: SADY UGGS (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Salt is wearing:
hair: Stealthic – Rebellion
head: CATWA HEAD Daniel
body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni – Mesh Body
skin: STRAY DOG – ROCCO – TONE 05 (*new* @ Uber)
Letis Tattoo :: Sapphire Wolf IIk
Legal Insanity  – Owen skinny jeans (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: FOXCITY.Play Me (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

scene:
FOXCITY. Prop – Messy Mattress (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)
15.erratic  / lsm – magazine & news
Siamese with Photo 2

+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Spilled Fries Box (Red)
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Only A Few Fries
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Only A Few Fries

.Shi : My Journal [Black]

Fawny – My little puppy – 13

7mad;Ravens  Artists Do It Better

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