I’m a Mess

I’ve been told that I’m a bit of a downer lately and I know it’s true. I’ve also been told that I need to socialize more, but the downer thing is exactly why I can’t right now. I have to keep busy, keep moving forward until all of this real life crap is so far behind me that I can barely see it, much less cry over it. I’m sorry to to the friends that need me right now. I’m simply not strong enough for both of right now. You deserve better, but please know that I do love you all…I am just a mess right now. I’m doing my best to keep myself pulled together, but the minute I stop moving forward…the very moment I let my demons have so much as one second of time in my head. I’m doomed. So, am I withdrawing and isolating? Yes, a bit, but I am trying not to withdraw too much. I even reached out to a handful of friends to do some collaborations. So, you’ll be seeing those soon. ♥

Holiday Hardships

wearing:
hair:  #Foxy – Luxe Hair (*new* @ N21)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: –Belleza– Freya
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

[Cynful] Chilli Jersey – Earrings
UC_Winter_cozy_sweater (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Hurley Ankle Boots (*new* @ Uber)

pose: FOXCITY. Sits VOL3 Bento Pose Set

scene:
KraftWork Hygge (*new* @ Uber)
-KraftWork Hygge Snowy Cabin
-KraftWorh Hygge Bed
-KraftWork Hygge Rug
-KraftWork Hygge Table Short
-KraftWork Hygge Wall Lamp Left
-KraftWork Hygge Wall Lamp Right

RO – Home for the Holidays – Alaska RARE

 

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Cause you are so very

“Pink it’s my new obsession
Yeah, pink it’s not even a question
Pink on the lips of your lover, cause
Pink is the love you discovah
Pink as the bing on your cherry
Pink cause you are so very
Pink it’s the color of passion
A-cause today it just goes with the fashion”
~ Aerosmith – Pink

Pink is making a come back

wearing:
hair:  DOUX – Water
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

(Yummy) Havana Ring & Bangle Set (*new* @ N21)
Dead Dollz – Helga Outfit (*new* @ Uber)
Dead Dollz – Helga Socks (*new* @ Uber)
[BREATHE]-Suzie Heels

pose: FOXCITY. Show Time Bento Pose Set
MONS / 3D – TenteLeaf Photoshoot Decor (light)

They Don’t Know

“I’m brilliant
At least that’s what they say
But they don’t know I’m not
Who the hell’s to know

And I’m charming
At least that’s what they think
But they don’t know I’m not
I’m really kind of mean”
~ Missio KDV

A light snow

wearing:
hair:  {Limerence} Elena hair (*new* @ Kinky)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

Dahlia – Aspen – Earmuffs (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Dahlia – Bari – Choker
Ascendant – Merry Bento Nails (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Vinyl– Chocolate Coat Pak (*new* @ Tannenbaum)
Blueberry – Cece – Winter Boots

pose: Foxcity Late Night Bento Pose Set

.Florix. Gingerbread House – Red (*new* @ Tannenbaum)

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Like a Knife in Her Chest

She has to excuse herself to the restroom to keep it together. She’d never let him know how she truly felt. It was futile. They would never be more than friends. She had accepted her fate years ago, but tonight as he shared photos of himself with other women…it gutted her. She knew she was better off, but she couldn’t help that each photo felt like a knife in her chest. She could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks as she slid down the wall. She chastised herself, “Get it together. This is not about you!”

Remembering Her Place

 

wearing:
hair:  Magika – Love
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

.:villena:. – Rose Bud Fur Jacket
ChicModa // Rudy Dress & Harness (*new* @ Tannenbaum)

pose:  Foxcity Leaning (Stand) VOL2 Bento Pose Set
KraftWork Wick’s Bathroom

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Your strength is in your weakness

Every so often I fall back on the lyrics of a song, because so often they reflect what I’m feeling. Also, because sometimes what I’m feeling is just too painful and deeply personal to write about or I’m simply not ready.

“It finds you in a cold room
A silhouette against the wall
Lit up by the white moon
We’ll outrun the awaking dawn

You can see the faces
But you don’t know their thoughts
You can feel the traces
From the chalk lines on my heart

There’s something in the shadows
Cuts you like an arrow
Shifting through the dark
Your strength is in your weakness
There’s fire in your blood
Hanging from that hope
But everybody knows
There’s something in the shadows”
Amy Stroup -In The Shadows

Your strength is in your weakness

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Stellar  (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

.miss chelsea. Niki Headphones Silver
-:zk:- Joy (*new* @ Kinky)

pose: FOXCITY. Soulfood Bento Pose Set

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

I Don’t Exist

I know I said I’d try not to do the lyrics thing and I’ve done well not to, but I’m dealing with some stuff in the real world right now that I’m not sure I even want to write about or share with the general public…so, the lyrics will speak for me today.

Olivia O’Brien – I Don’t Exist

I’ve been doomed from the start
Everything around me falls apart
So quickly always end up with a broken heart
Even Tylenol can’t fix me
Unless it’s mixed with whiskey

I ain’t even sad, I’m just bored
Nothing can excite me anymore like you used to
Hollywood has lost all its allure
Used to be so pretty
Now it’s just a city

All of these people and all of their friends
Look so good together and I don’t fit in
‘Cause they’re picture perfect
And I’m on the end
Crop me out the photo so they can pretend
Like I don’t exist
Like I don’t exist
Don’t exist
Like I don’t exist (no)
Like I don’t exist
No

When I feel good it never lasts
That’s why you can find me living in a past if you need me
Everybody says this shit will pass
I say it won’t, they don’t believe me
Just tell me to deep breathe

Falling apart
Don’t know what to do, what to do
Looking for someone to save me, I don’t know who
I don’t know who

All of these people and all of their friends
Look so good together and I don’t fit in
‘Cause they’re picture perfect
And I’m on the end
Crop me out the photo so they can pretend
Like I don’t exist
Like I don’t exist
Don’t exist
Like I don’t exist (no)
Like I don’t exist
No

Am I even real?
Am I even real?
Am I even real?
Am I even real?
Am I even real?
Am I even real?
It’s hard to tell when I can’t feel a fucking thing

All of these people and all of their friends
Look so good together and I don’t fit in
‘Cause they’re picture perfect
And I’m on the end
Crop me out the photo so they can pretend
Like I don’t exist (no)
Like I don’t exist
Don’t exist
Like I don’t exist (no)
Like I don’t exist
No

Am I even real?

I don't exist

wearing:
hair: Stealthic – Ivy (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber

^^Swallow^^ Princess Ears
^^Swallow^^ Princess Bento Rings
SU!– Basic Scarf
!APHORISM! Thyme Winter Sweater (*new* @ FaMESHed)
[Cynful] Groovy Tweed Pants (*new* @ C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Power Bento Pose Set
[Bad Unicorn] Budget Bachelor Backdrop – The Arcade Gacha Prize

 

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Do I Wanna Know?

“Do you ever get the feeling that you can’t shift the tide
That sticks around like something’s in your teeth
And some aces up your sleeve
I had no idea that you’re in deep
I dreamt about you near me every night this week
How many secrets can you keep’
‘Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow
When I play it on repeat
Until I fall asleep”
~ Arctic Monkeys – Do I Wanna Know?

Do I Wanna Know

wearing:
hair:  TRUTH Aislin
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber
LYBRA . SIRIA SET (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
JIAN Beagle Pup (Companion – Add me!)

pose: FOXCITY. Rain Bento Pose Set

scene created on the patio of  DaD DESIGN “Woodpecker Cottage”
ChicModa // Fresno Bench (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)
LISP – Mesh – Newspaper and Coffee – Peach with steam
Fancy Decor: Rain Boots
{what next} Greenwich Rug
{what next} Floor Jar Lantern (stars)
{what next} Snake Plant
{what next} Pothos Plant (trailing)
{what next} Swiss Cheese Plant
{what next} Hanging Heart Decor – Love Grows Here

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Trust Issues

“I’m just letting you know I’m emotionally unavailable
I’d love to reciprocate your love but I’m incapable
I know that you don’t get it, but I’m just so unstable
And all I could think about is how you’d be unfaithful
You think that I am crazy
But that, that does not phase me
And no, you cannot change me
Just know you cannot save me”
~ Olivia O’Brien – Trust Issues

I really want to elaborate on how deeply the quoted lyrics above hit home. There has only been ONE man in my entire life that has not betrayed me and that was my maternal Grandfather. I honestly do not believe he ever would have either. Granted, I was only 7yrs old the last time I saw him before he died, but the way my mother talks about him…well, I have to believe he never would have betrayed me. He was amazing the had the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Every other man in my life has hurt me by making me feel less than worthy. Every man I’ve dated has cheated either with me or on me. Yes, I said with me. You see, I learned my lesson about the betrayal early on. So, in my early 20s, I wouldn’t date a man that didn’t have a woman at home. Why? Because at that time, I would have rather been the woman he cheats with than the woman he cheats on. I was treated exceptionally well by those men and had no restrictions. They couldn’t very well insist on monogamy from me when they were going home to fuck someone else, now could they?
I’m not saying there aren’t some good, honest men out there. All I can say is that they’ve not been men I dealt with for very long. Perhaps its the type of men I’m attracted to. I can accept that. Regardless of why, it comes down to this one thing. I am incapable of trusting a man romantically. I tried to last year, but like all the rest….that led to betrayal and the shattered remains of a heart that wasn’t even healed from the last betrayal. The promises people make when they think they’re in love….hmmmm, I don’t know, I suppose the old addage, “Promises were made to be broken,” has proven to be true….at least in my life. So, trust issues? Nah, more like a full blown subscription to NTA….never trust anyone.

Trust Issues

wearing:
hair:  Vanity Hair::Baccara
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber

^^Swallow^^ Princess Bento Rings
^^Swallow^^ Magic Necklace

Tee*fy Jenna Tube Top
Blueberry – Aria – Stylized Pants
REIGN.- BECKY STUDDED BOOTS

pose: Foxcity. Sass Bento Pose Set
location: Route66

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Cat Herder

“It checks you in and kicks you down,
And chews you up and spits you out.
It messes with your sanity by twisting all your thoughts around.
They say it’s blind they say it waits but every time it seals your fate.
And now it’s got you by the balls it won’t let go until you fall.
I was down and out, got up I said “Hey love I’ve had enough!”
I’ve felt pleasure without pain.
My soul you’ll never tame!
Love bites, but so do I.”
Halestorm – Love Bites (So Do I)
I think this is the longest I’ve ever been single in Second Life, aside from when I was married in RL. I’ve dated a bit here and there, but nothing has stuck for more than a week. God forbid I have a life aside from sitting around waiting for someone to complete me. The last two men I’ve dated felt that me not answering within a 30-120 second window was disrespectful. Well, I got news for ya, fellas. I have a life. I’m complete all by myself and while I am naturally submissive, I will NOT roll over and play dead just because you’re online. I’ve been in Second Life for 12 years. I’ve made a few friends. I’ve got a few jobs. I have a lot of interests AND I chase squirrels/shinies. Apparently, that’s too much for some people.
I do know that it can be annoying, but most people either get it and embrace it or they move on. I play Guild Wars 2 with one of my best friends and he has told me that he feels like he’s herding cats when he plays with me. *laughs* I’m always running off in the wrong direction to look at something new or chasing materials for crafting. See? He embraces my inner cat and so do my other close friends. I do know it can be aggravating, because believe it or not, one of my friends is worse than me. I won’t call any names today, but if she’s not paying attention I know she’s been captured Facebook.
So, despite being very lonely at times, especially with the holiday season quickly approaching…I’m just going to enjoy myself with whoever I want, whenever I want. Anyone that has an issue with that can file a report with my keeper. Oh, wait, that’s right, I don’t have one. *giggles* That’s right, I do what I want! Remember that.
I wish you a day filled with love & laughter. ♥

feeling catty

wearing:
hair:  Sintiklia – Hair Sheba
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

*Vanilla Bae* Annie Sweater (*new* @ Equal10)
{vincue} Mely+Undie
Eudora3D Domina Boots (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)

FOXCITY. Late Night Bento Pose Set

SAYO Sin – Crimson Dreams Backdrop
::GB::Black Panther D

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

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