Welcome To My Darkness

“Welcome to my darkness, I been here a while
Clouding up the sunlight, hurting for a smile
Or something, but something always turns into nothing….

….Acting like I’m heartless, I do it all the time
That don’t mean I’m scarless, that don’t mean I’m fine
But you’ll see, when someone else makes you this way”
Bishop Briggs – Dark Side

Its no secret that I have a dark side, I make jokes about my dark side being the side of me that likes pink, girly things like unicorns and cupcakes. I’m actually not a huge fan of those things, but its hard to hate things that bring so much joy to others. The truth is that my dark side is probably my truest side. Few people in my life have seen the darkest parts of my soul and I doubt anyone else ever will. I work really hard to keep it in check, because it can frighten people. It makes life harder than it already is.
Even the mild hints at my dark side tend to frighten people. My fascination with black clothes had my mother convinced I was a devil worshiper when I was only 19 and at one point I had black hair with blonde roots, as I am naturally blond. I was obsessed with Robert Smith of The Cure and did my make up a lot like his. Goth wasn’t a thing then, not like now. At my last job, all my co-workers had scriptures and crosses…family photos decorating their cubicles. I had skulls and dragons. When I told them I’m not a Christian, they assumed I was a devil worshiper, too. I had to explain that atheists don’t believe in the devil either. *laughs*
As, I’ve grown older, I have found more of a balance between the dark and the light. It’s helped me quite a bit and opened my world in ways I never imagined possible, but I will always embrace the dark as much if not more than the light. Its just who I am. Just like I will probably always go to sleep with the TV on…the only shows being those about crime, naturally….preferably serial killers. *grins*
I’ve recently made some changes to the way I’m blogging. I’ve been writing short stories or scenarios to go along with the photo. This is just a way to bring that balance into my creativity. I love writing, but I will admit that I’ve enjoyed writing the scenes much more than opening myself up and sharing such intimate parts of myself. I can’t promise that I will always write a story or scenario for each post, but I do think I’ll be doing it a lot more in the future. I hope that you, my readers, enjoy them as much as I do. If not, there’s always the option to just scroll on down to the details. ♥

dragon lady

wearing:
hair
: (r)M Hair, No.53’17  (*new* @ Hair Fair 2017)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
skin: Glam Affair – Kibi – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – America (*new* @ Crystal Heart)
eyes: :Conviction: Viscous Eyes [HUD]
eyeshadow: –SU!– Smokey Eyeshadow
lipstick: –SU!– The Matte Lip Poison
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
*katat0nik* (dark) Cloud Dragon
The Annex – Mei Cheongsam (*new* @ We<3Role-Play)

pose by Bauhaus Movement
location: Sky Willow Asian Escape

Devil in Me

“I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
The devil in me”
Halsey- Devil in Me

Have you ever met someone that just brings out the worst in you? They might not have done anything to you, but for some reason there’s just this instant dislike of them? It happens to me from time to time and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Maybe I’m just the only one willing to admit it. Surely not. When I do meet people like that, I try to be polite and just keep my distance. So, its not really a problem.
Then there’s those people that just run around doing all kinds of dirt to other people. They haven’t done anything to me, that I know of, but I’m not trying to get close to people like that either, but then they go and do something really nasty to someone you love. *sighs* Its really hard to keep my mouth shut in situations like that. I know I should trust the person who has been offended to take care of themselves and most of the time I do. However, in case I never mentioned it before…I happen to be human and with that comes some faults. I know, I know, you thought I was perfect. *laughs* Let me tell you now…there are times when its all I can do to keep myself in check. I’m not talking about threatening someone online. I’m talking about just reading a bitch like a book. Front to back, side to side, up and down…and I’ve been told on a few occasions my words can cut deeper than any knife. Having lost more than one friend in the past to my apparently razor sharp words I really don’t wanna wake up the devil in me.

releasing the demon

wearing: 
hair
.Shi x Messiah : Hair / Unisex . Common 2
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
eyes: CATWA Mesh Eyes Pack w/:Conviction: Viscous Eyes [HUD]
eyeshadow-SU!– Somber Eyeshadow +CATWA APPLIER+
lipstick: -SU!- The Matte Lip Essentials //Catwa BENTO//
skin: Glam Affair – Molly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Artic (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo.::Nanika::. Gaia tattoo Black (*new* @ Tres Chic)
piercing.:E.A.Eclipse:.  Nerfertiti Piercing Mouth

Phedora ~ Edwin body harness (*new* @ Somber)
S&P Like A Prayer – clamps black
[CX] Piton Pumps – Black ( Maitreya )

pose by Del May

If I Have an Angel

I was born on a Sunday morning. My devote Christian grandmother told my mom that it meant I would have extra angels looking over me. As I was not a particularly graceful child (or adult for that matter) my mother would often say, “Your angels are working overtime today!” As I got older and continued to be anything but graceful, my mother would beg my extra angels to look after me and to have mercy on her. *laughs* I see a lot of memes with angels facepalming that say something about how people’s angels must look watching over them. Every time I see one, I just chuckle. My grandmother passed away when I was eleven. My mother insisted that she joined the ranks of angels looking over me. What occurred in my life the following year was confirmation that there were no angels watching over me.
As I grew older, I would sometimes imagine that there were still a few angels lingering about and just maybe they were dosing out some karma on those that crossed me, but eventually I grew to believe that wasn’t true either. I know some people do believe in angels and I have to say I think its a beautiful sentiment, but for me…nah, I don’t believe in them anymore. However, the concept of angels has always been quite fascinating. I especially love the way they are represented on Supernatural. I realize not all of my readers have seen that show and some may have just started it, so I won’t go into any details and spoil it. The entire concept of God, angels, Lucifer, demons…all of it…ages old, but the way the stories are told on Supernatural almost makes me want to believe in them again. At least that story makes a bit more sense to me, but alas to believe their story means I must also believe in all the monster presented, as well.

angry angel

For now, I’ll just present you with this picture and the thought that if I have an angel watching over me, this is what I think my angel probably looks like…sometimes she is stunned and pointing her finger at me as if to say, “You did it AGAIN!” She would surely be angry and frustrated to say the very least.

lost angel close up

hairTableau Vivant \\ Editorial \ Southern wind – Blacks+Whites
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
skinGlam Affair – Molly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Artic (*new* @ Arcade)
eyesCATWA Mesh Eyes Pack
eye applier:Conviction: Viscous Eyes
tearsCURELESS [+] Dragon Tears (v.1)
ears: .:E.A.Studio:. Box Ears Icarus
eyebrowsWarPaint* Hepburn Brow [Catwa] (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
lipstick-SU!– The Matte Lip Essentials
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo**RE** Surya Tattoo – Common – Silver
nails: Astralia – Compatible nails system (Maitreya Stiletto base)
nail polish: GingerFish-Nail Applier-Astralia- Fairy Glitter-S

.:E.A.Studio:. BOX Collar Oculus Cross
Astralia – Wisdom angel WINGS RARE
.LYBRA . GABRIELLA (*new* @ LIMIT8)
erratic / cerise – panties
#EMPIRE – Impatiens

pose by Del May

scene created in a black box using:
uk – Mystic Dew Drops & Mist Sets
E.V.E Dancing Poison Rain {Silver}