Posted in Catwa, Events, Fashion, Lybra, Maitreya, Second Life, shopping, Uber SL

Two Hearts

“A new love is something painful
Two hearts, unstable
I went numb and ran away
So I wouldn’t be able
To get let down, I was high
To touch the ground from the sky
A new love is somethin’ fatal
And I wouldn’t be able
I wasn’t expecting you
Like a punch that knocks the wind out
I think you’re changin’ everything
‘Cause I’m about to let you in now”


head: CATWA HEAD Catya
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee Applier

hair: TRUTH Surrender

.ARISE. Be Mine Pose 2
anxiety %entertainment skybox

Posted in Blueberry, Catwa, Events, Fashion, Lamb, Maitreya, Second Life, shopping, Uber SL

Are you insane?

Are you insane? These three words are uttered so quickly and so easily. It’s a rhetorical question that is slung as carelessly as a stick being thrown across a yard. However, to suggest someone is suffering from a mental illness simply because we disagree is a form of bullying. What am I talking about? I’m talking about judgement and acceptance. I’m an atheist. I do not turn my back on my friends that have religious beliefs. So long as we can agree to respectively disagree, there’s no problem. If necessary, we avoid those topics to avoid heated arguments, because at the end of the day we love each other enough to accept that our friends are stupid. *chuckles* I’m mostly kidding with that statement, but deep down….hmmm, I think its probably true. I can’t stand President Trump, but my mother’s best friend thinks he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to this country. I love this woman. I’ve known her most of my life. Do I think she’s ignorant? Yes, but not just because of her political beliefs. *grins* I don’t think she’s a bad person. Again, we do our best to avoid certain subjects, because we are like family and we have far more in common than we disagree about.
I watch disagreements about things like the shape of the earth, religion, politics, racism, LGBTQIA (can we please make a word?) topics, and more tear families and friends apart. I’m watching a documentary right now about people that believe that the earth is flat. Mark Sargent stated that Flat Earthers can only date Flat Earthers, because the subject is so divisive. I found that idea to be so very sad, because if our minds are so closed off to people who think differently we cannot grow. Most of us will agree that racism is bad, right? Fair enough, let’s all agree that its not great. However, ask yourself how many racists you know? Do you even know the answer to that? Not all racists admit to it. Let’s go a step further, are the racists you know hate-filled in all of their actions? I doubt it. As humans we all have something in common. If you are so convinced that your beliefs are correct, then fighting and judging others is not the way to prove your point. I live in a state that is known for racial tensions and racism. In high school the KKK burned crosses on our football field. A handful of men in KKK robes paraded into the middle of my school’s lunch room DURING lunch. I have seen some of the truest and most awful forms of racism, up close. No, I’m not, nor ever have been a racist, but it is impossible to live where I live and not have a racist friend or family member. You know what? I’ve seen people change. I’ve seen people change their minds about race, religion, politics, and sexual orientation. I’ve seen people go from both sides to the other.
We need to stop and listen to one another. If you have love in your heart, then stomp out the hate and open your mind. I’m not saying you need to change your mind, just be open to hearing what others have to say. I am so curious by nature, that I cannot help but ask people why they feel the way they do. If I really believe they are wrong, I might poke a few holes in their beliefs, but with respect and curiosity.
I’ll get off my soapbox after I share this little memory. Years ago, a friend of mine asked, “Are you not worried about going to hell?”
I couldn’t help but laugh and ask, “Why would I?”
Her reply was just as silly in my eyes, but I listened and waited. “If you don’t believe in God and surrender you soul to him, you’ll go to hell.”
I smiled at her, because I knew she was sincerem “Sweetheart, don’t you see? If I don’t believe in God, I don’t believe in hell. So how could I worry about going to a place I don’t believe exists?”
That was the end of the subject and it wasn’t brought up again. However, my point is….her beliefs caused her to worry about me in ways I will never worry about myself. It was my hope to alleviate her worries, not to insult her. We can disagree without hate and through love we can often persuade. But no one has EVER bullied me into believing something I didn’t think was true.


hair:  Lamb. Seventeen @ Uber
head: CATWA HEAD Denice
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: #PUMEC – Sophia

(Yummy) OM Layered Necklace
(fd) Summer Shirt – Cloud Decal @ Uber
Blueberry – Alicia – Flare Pants @ Uber

pose: [ Focus Poses ] Urban 7 set
anxiety %sincerity [city fillers] #1

Posted in Catwa, Cynful, Events, Fancy Decor, Fashion, Maitreya, Second Life, shopping, Vanity Event

Had Some Drinks

“I’ve been around, brought you down, it’s true
I had some drinks and said some things to you
If I said too much, I know you’re mine to lose
I had some drinks and said some things to you
I think too much, I’m outta touch, it’s true
Don’t give a fuck, yeah actually I do
If I said too much, I know you’re mine to lose
Don’t give a fuck, yeah actually I do”

red red wine

hair: {Limerence} Ashanti hair (*new* @ Cupid Inc)
head: CATWA HEAD Denice
SU!– Piercing Set 07 Septum & Nose Studs
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: #PUMEC – Sophia (*new* @ Cupid Inc)
Ascendant – Secret Rendezvous Nails (*new* @ Vanity)
[Cynful] Unwrap Me Lingerie Set (*new* @ Cupid Inc)

pose created with AnyPose

background & props:
anxiety %petrichor loft skybox [dark]
Fancy Decor: Merlot Wine Glass
Fancy Decor: Jacques Scented Candle
~BAZAR~ Paris – Wine bottle spilled

Posted in Bueno, CandyDoll, Catwa, FaMESHed, GingerFish, Gingerfish Poses, Gos, Landscaping, RunAway Hair, Second Life, shoes, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative


I’ve made this conscious decision not to let this year get the best of me, but the truth is I battle with depression and even more so in the last few years. My friend, Tracy, told me one of the most profound statements about depression that has ever stuck with me. She said, “Depression lies.” I really analyzed that statement or perhaps my demons did in the hopes they could prove it untrue. In my effort to deny my depression too much power, I’ve resorted to sleep. Though sleep often eludes me, there are certain combinations of medications that will knock me out for hours on end. Obviously, I cannot take these medications daily for regular sleep, or I’d be full blown addicted in no time. However, when my view of everything in the world is tainted by depression and cynicism, I know its time to avoid people and turn my back on the world. I know I need to shut down. Let my demons have my dreams. I can wake up from those. I can’t always shake the thoughts the demons plant. Today was one of those days. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and pain and envy…self-doubt…self-pity…self-loathing. The list goes on and on. Today was a day like that. It can be paralyzing which is just another reason why its easier to sleep than battle my demons. Today, my only defense was shutting down and hiding under my blankets. I’m recharged now and ready to fight back, wish me luck. ♥

wishing for a wish

hair: [RA] Stacy Hair (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: –Belleza– Freya
skin: [theSkinnery] Paola

_CandyDoll_ Domi Jumpsuit (*new* @ Kinky)
[Gos] Tamara Ankle Boots (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: GingerFish Poses – Gloss set (*new* @ TLC)

anxiety %chicago build1
BUENO-NightSpot Loft Building
BUENO-After Hours Loft Building

Posted in Catwa, Events, Fashion, Gos, Kustom9, Lamb, Maitreya, Second Life, shoes, shopping, United Colors

One Night

He showed up at the club while she was working. He was with a loud mouth girl, who clearly couldn’t hold her liquor. She had done her best to ignore them both, but as he would come to the bar to order drinks, he would grab her for a few words. She never could fight the attraction, but he frightened her. He was a good guy and she didn’t know how to deal with good guys. Bad boys were her thing, because they were safe. She always knew how those relationships would go, but one look from him and she was frozen in place. When he suggested they talk in the back room, she couldn’t resist. Part of her longed to have him back, but he had yet to show her that he had changed as much as he said he did. But one night…just one more night, wouldn’t hurt, right?


hair: Lamb. Gem (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)

[Canimal] Truth (*new* @ Uber)
UC_Milda_leather_pants (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Snooki Wedges (*new* @ Uber)

pose: PURPLE POSES – Couple 410

anxiety %apt78 skybox
anxiety %apt78 fridge
anxiety %apt78 broken mirror
anxiety %apt78 dirty mattress

male model: Kronic Stoanes

Posted in Catwa, Collabor88, Cynful, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Kustom9, Maitreya, pr!tty, Second Life, shopping, United Colors

Shady AF

There are people in this world that will do anything to make others look bad. Sadly, these miserable people will smile in your face then turn to their next friend and stab you in the back. Sometimes they make false accusations. Other times, they exaggerate the truth. Here’s the thing, when the only dirt someone can find on you is something that you’ve never denied or even attempted to keep a secret…well, its kinda sad, not to mention pathetic. I personally find haters to be flattering. However, not everyone is as amused by them as I am. Here’s the thing and I’ve said it before, I never asked to take up so much space in their empty little heads. The only reason they are getting any attention from me now is because I’d like to thank them for the recognition. You see, since the “secret” came out, I’ve had people reach out to me that I haven’t heard from in a while. Others have stepped forward with stories of their own haters and we’ve formed a bond of solidarity. We all agree that our haters aren’t worth confronting and by next week, the “secret” and all the energy they put into it will have been forgotten. So, if you’re going to be shady as fuck, learn some new tricks, because your old ones are boring….and no one is entertained by boring.

trying to think

hair: pr!tty – Jes
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)
tattoo: [White~Widow] Soorma
=Zenith=Buckle Gloves  (August C88)
UC_Milda_leather_top (*new* @ K9)
[Cynful] Nienor’s Leather Skirt *new*

pose: FOXCITY. Spot On Bento Pose Set

anxiety %apt78 skybox
anxiety %apt78 fridge
anxiety %apt78 beercrates

Posted in CandyDoll, Catwa, Collabor88, FaMESHed, Kustom9, Maitreya, Reign, Second Life, shoes, shopping

Damn Earworms!

So, as much as I’ve been trying not to do this…I woke up with this song stuck in my head and no matter how hard I tried, I can’t get it out. So, its going in this post. Damn earworms. At least its a good song. ♥

Bread ~ Baby I’m-a want You

Baby I’m-a want you
Baby I’m-a need you
You’re the only one I care enough to hurt about
Maybe I’m-a crazy
But I just can’t live without
your lovin’ and affection
Givin’ me direction
Like a guiding light to help me through a darkest hour
Lately I’m a-prayin’
That you’ll always be a-stayin’ beside me
Used to be my life was just emotions passing by
Feeling all the while and never really knowing why
Lately I’m a-prayin’
That you’ll always be a-stayin’ beside me.
Used to be my life was just emotions passing by
Then you came along and made me laugh and made me cry
You taught me why
Baby I’m-a want you
Baby I’m-a need you
Oh, it took so long to find you, baby
Baby I’m-a want you
Baby I’m-a need you

Baby, I'm a want you

hair: MURRAYxRevoul- Demi Hair (August FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)

_CandyDoll_ Kianna Top (August C88)
_CandyDoll_ Kianna Skirt (August C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Naughty & Nice Bento Pose Set
anxiety %restless gas station

Posted in Bueno, Catwa, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Kustom9, Maitreya, Second Life, shopping, ULTRA, {le fil casse}

Way Down We Go

“Father tell me, we get what we deserve
Oh we get what we deserve
And way down we go
Way down we go
Say way down we go
Way down we go
You let your feet run wild
Time has come as we all oh, go down
Yeah but for the fall oh, my
Do you dare to look him right in the eyes?”
~Kaleo – Way Down We Go

How many of us truly belong in karma or some sort of divine justice? We’ve all heard people say, “there’s a special place in hell for people like that.” Some of us have even thought it or said it ourselves. So, while we sit in judgement of others, regardless of their offense, how many of us want the karma or divine justice we deserve? How many of us have taken a friend or lover down with us?
I think that its far too easy and convenient to point the fingers at others. I think that most of us revel in the crimes of the obscene, for it relieves us of some of the guilt we carry within our hearts. However, what if there’s a special place in hell for people like us? Does karma just skip the little stuff? Just food for thought.

going down

hair: [monso] My Hair – Nako (*new* Go! by FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)
tattoo: [White~Widow] Soorma

Pseudo- Trucker Jacket Black (*new* @ K9)
{le fil casse} Trinity Bustier Top (*new*  @ ULTRA)
BUENO-Happy Skirt (*new* @ K9)

**pose is in a hud that comes with the jacket

anxiety %chicago build1

Posted in Blueberry, Bueno, Catwa, Eudora3D, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Foxcity, Jian, Second Life

Hello Darkness

“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence”
~Paul Simon

I grew up listening to songs like this one, but for me…this particular song speaks to the creative part of me, the dreamer within me. It is late at night when the rest of the world is seemingly sleeping that my creative energy is at its best. I’ve written my best poems in the middle of the night and I can almost promise you that my best photos have been conceived of, or flowed along organically under the veil of night.
I remember living in Illinois when I was 21/22 and walking down to the river in the middle of the night, with my headset, pen and paper, and tissues. I almost always cried. No matter how hot or cold (and sometimes it was icy fucking cold) I could sit there on this private dock in a posh neighborhood that I had no business being in…and somehow feel like I was home. The river flowing past me, losing myself in either the music or the quiet flow of the water. It was a place that I could go to recapture my ideas and put them in order.I imagine now, the entire process would take place with a smart phone, but back then…depending on the moon for my light? I don’t know, there was something romantic about it. I suppose I’m rambling at this exact moment, as I feel myself getting lost in memories or yesteryear and I’ve got shopping to do in SL, because this creative mind of mine is alive and well at 12:30 am…there are ideas brewing!


hair: :::Phoenix::: Mishon Hair (*new* Go by FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Austine Applier [ Catwa ] Basic Line FLF

Blueberry – Helena – Coin Top
Blueberry – Helena – Front Tied Shorts
Eudora3D Basmah Heels (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: FOXCITY.Soulfood Bento Pose Set

anxiety %chicago build1
JIAN Golden Lab Pupper Basket
BUENO-Cat Phone -White
// SEUL \\ – Cocky Biscuits – Strawberry
tres blah– Coffee To Go

Posted in Catwa, Collabor88, Cynful, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Maitreya, RAMA, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative

I’ll Wait For You

Skylar Grey – Come Up For Air

I’m no good for you
I’m not what you need
You’ve made it very clear
Though I disagree
Enough to let you go
To let you drift away
‘Cause once you navigate these troubled waters
I believe that someday you’ll return
And I will still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I’ll wait for you, to come for air
‘Cause this whole wide world
There’s no one else for me
So while you search the seas for answers
I will still be waiting here
Make sure you dive down deep
Because if you do
Even though it takes a thousand lifetimes
My love, I know you’re finally gonna see the truth, and you’ll return
And I will still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I’ll wait for you, to come for air
And even if this really is the end
I’m sure I’ll be alone until I’m dead
‘Cause no one else will ever quite compare
To them, it wouldn’t be fair
To let you with somebody new
And all I did was think of you
If you’re my Jack then I’m your Rose
And I promise I’ll never ever let go
And I’ll still be here
When you come up for air
Do you what you gotta do
I’ll wait for you, to come for air
To come up for air
Come up for air
Come up for air
To come up for air
To come up for air
Come up for air
Come up for air
To come up for air
I'll Wait For You
hair:  RAMA.SALON – Sylvia Hair (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER+-SU!- Piercing Set 06 Spiked Nose Studs
-SU!- Piercing Set 06 Snakebites
.::Nanika::. Leah Necklace (*new* @ The Liaison Collaborative)
[The Forge] Rosella Necklace, Normal, Black (*new* @ FaMESHed)
[Cynful] Elvi Top + High Waist Pants (*new* @ FaMESHed)pose: an lar [poses] The Caitlin Series (*new* @ The Liaison Collaborative)

anxiety %chicago build1 (*new* @ 6 Republic)