The Hours Fade

“so the hours fade
something’s got to break
something’s got to change
so the hours fade
something’s got to break
something’s got to change”
The Kays Lavelle ~ The Hours

I haven’t been myself this week. As much as I try, I cannot shake this scrambled feeling. Its as if the reception in my brain is fuzzy. I’ve been emotional to say the least. Sometimes I’m slow to react to situations simply because I need time to process, but this week…I dunno, its like everything has been processing really slow. The ringing in my ears is louder than even and the pain that lives within my body has spiked. These things make it even harder for me to concentrate. Sometimes its all I can do to just sit still.
I’m sure the wonky weather in my area has played a major role in this, but something’s got to change…for I feel I’m going mad. This morning I didn’t even want to get out of bed, but as my coffee sat on my nightstand getting colder I forced myself to get up…come to the PC and write some of this down. I can’t even know if this will make sense to anyone else, but its where I’m at and I’ve found that more often than not…I’m not alone in my feelings. As the hours fade, I hope that this haze, too, will fade and I will get back to feeling more like myself.

scandalize top

wearing: 
hair
/Wasabi Pills/ Apple Mesh Hair
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara

EarthStones Butterfly Necklace & Earrings – Whisper
Scandalize. Juliet. (*new* @ N21)
Blueberry – DWL Classic

pose: FOXCITY. Bento Ground Sits VOL1
location: Hazardous

I Do What I Want

So, I had two other posts planned to go ahead of this one, but those damn blogger cunt friends of mine, Grace and Kess, both had similar ideas and outfits. Its not that surprising, really. As we’ve been known to show up at the same places wearing the same outfits, much like Kess and I did today. I refuse to retake my photos or not share the ones I took, because I work hard on what I do, just like they do. However, I am going to wait a few days and if people want to think me a copycat, well, that’s ok, but the three of us all know how we are and its certainly got us in giggles. I love them and sometimes I swear we share a brain! So, I told them I was posting this picture today and showcasing the newest sensation from ChicModa…luckily, Grace is going with the gray version, so make sure you check out her blog, too! As I was going to write about doing what I want anyway, I think its pretty clear that we all do what we want!

do what I want

wearing: 
hair
[monso] My Hair – Kisa
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
skin: Glam Affair – Molly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – America (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo-7P-Paradise Tattoo
ChicModa // Eleanor Dress // BishBox June 2017
[CX] Soul Grips ( Black ) Female * Maitreya * (unpacked)
SU!– Nylon Stockings /Ripped/ BLACK

pose: GingerFish Poses – Smoked set
background: MINIMAL – Underground Background -1

Family Ties

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.” ~Richard Bach
I haven’t started a blog with a quote that wasn’t a song lyric in a while, but this topic has been on my mind for some time now. Father’s Day occurred only two days ago and as I scrolled through Facebook I saw message after message about people’s fathers. Some were well wishes, some shared memories of fathers past, and then there were people like me that avoided the subject altogether. I can’t know why others avoided the subject, but I know why I did. I even had to tell Skype (yes, outloud) to stfu. Skype had a message that said, “Fathers are people, too!” My response was, “Not all of them! Some of them are monsters!” I don’t think its a secret that I’m another girl on the grid with daddy issues. Given how common abusive fathers seem to be, we’re merely statistics.
However, I’m not going to waste this post or your time bitching about my father. Instead, I want to embrace the blessing of family bonding with people I’ve never even met face to face. Like many other people in Second Life, I am part of a family. I don’t always feel like part of the family, as most of them really don’t talk to me much and to be fair, its not like I go out of my way to hunt them down and pursue conversations either. Yet, I do feel like a few of them would truly be there if I needed them.
I think the truest “family” I have on the grid would probably be the cunts. Now, hold on, don’t get your britches twisted, we call ourselves the Cunt Cult and we’re a group of besties. At the core there’s four of us, there’s a fifth one, but she’s off living the real life. (She fell in love! SQUEEEE!) Kess, Tracy, Grace, and I have built a bond unlike that I’ve ever known before. We’re not a clique. We don’t go around doing the whole mean girls thing, dressing alike, following a leader. Although, if we did, Kess would be it…she’s bossy like that. *laughs* My point is…while some of us don’t have traditional families in real life or even partake in family groups on the grid, we have each other. We have that bond between friends that is as strong, if not stronger, than any family ties I’ve ever known. For that, I am grateful.
I have so many circles of wonderful friends inworld that I am so grateful for and I love them each dearly. Though we may not speak every day and some not even every week, we are there for one another when it counts. I’m also grateful for my fur babies in real life, because they are just as much a part of my family as my mother or my husband. Even though they can’t make me coffee in the morning.
So, whatever kind of family ties you have, hold them close, hold them dear to you heart, and don’t wait for some “holiday” to celebrate them. Tell them today that you love them, because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.

family

wearing: 
hair
:  Lamb. Home (June Luxe Box)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
skin: Glam Affair – Polly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
UC_Jane_Fringe_mini_dress_slate (*new* @ Kustom9)
#EMPIRE – Wandflower (June VIP Group Gift)

pose by Double Take
location: The Mill 

Devil in Me

“I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
The devil in me”
Halsey- Devil in Me

Have you ever met someone that just brings out the worst in you? They might not have done anything to you, but for some reason there’s just this instant dislike of them? It happens to me from time to time and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Maybe I’m just the only one willing to admit it. Surely not. When I do meet people like that, I try to be polite and just keep my distance. So, its not really a problem.
Then there’s those people that just run around doing all kinds of dirt to other people. They haven’t done anything to me, that I know of, but I’m not trying to get close to people like that either, but then they go and do something really nasty to someone you love. *sighs* Its really hard to keep my mouth shut in situations like that. I know I should trust the person who has been offended to take care of themselves and most of the time I do. However, in case I never mentioned it before…I happen to be human and with that comes some faults. I know, I know, you thought I was perfect. *laughs* Let me tell you now…there are times when its all I can do to keep myself in check. I’m not talking about threatening someone online. I’m talking about just reading a bitch like a book. Front to back, side to side, up and down…and I’ve been told on a few occasions my words can cut deeper than any knife. Having lost more than one friend in the past to my apparently razor sharp words I really don’t wanna wake up the devil in me.

releasing the demon

wearing: 
hair
.Shi x Messiah : Hair / Unisex . Common 2
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
eyes: CATWA Mesh Eyes Pack w/:Conviction: Viscous Eyes [HUD]
eyeshadow-SU!– Somber Eyeshadow +CATWA APPLIER+
lipstick: -SU!- The Matte Lip Essentials //Catwa BENTO//
skin: Glam Affair – Molly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Artic (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo.::Nanika::. Gaia tattoo Black (*new* @ Tres Chic)
piercing.:E.A.Eclipse:.  Nerfertiti Piercing Mouth

Phedora ~ Edwin body harness (*new* @ Somber)
S&P Like A Prayer – clamps black
[CX] Piton Pumps – Black ( Maitreya )

pose by Del May

The Ugliest Thing I Could Find

So, the tie dye pattern on this Migle dress from United Colors reminded me of one of my favorite shirts when I was about 18. There’s actually a funny story about that shirt. My parents got divorced when I was 15, for the first year my mom cried almost every night. After that she went a little wild. She was going on trips quite regularly, but being the awesome mom that she was, she would always bring me a present. Being the mom with awful taste meant I wasn’t going to like it if it was clothing. Then lo and behold she returned from a trip with the most awesome looking black and white tie dyed shirt I had ever seen. It wasn’t even a tee shirt, it was like a wicked blouse! I was so shocked and happy. As I’m standing there hugging the shirt, then holding it up, then ripping off my current shirt to try it on, my mom is standing there laughing so hard she has tears running down her face. Naturally, I had to know what was so damn funny, right?
She wiped the tears from her face and asked if I really liked the shirt. I nodded profusely, “Yes! I love it, Momma! Thank you. I can’t believe you picked this out, though.”
She laughed again for a minute then said, “Well, you never like anything I pick out, so I just looked around the shop for the ugliest thing I could find. You’re welcome.”
Damn woman. We still have opposing taste in most things, but she’s gotten a lot better at picking out gifts over the years. *laughs* Even if she thinks they’re ugly.

shade

 

wearing: 
hair
Tableau Vivant \\ Caprice hair (*new* @ SL14)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo: .::Nanika::. Scarlet tattoo Black

UC_Migle_dress (*new* @ SouledOut)
fri. – Dora Sandals (*new* @ Uber)

pose by an lar [poses] The Betty Series (*new* @ Vintage Fair)

location…well, I can’t tell you that, it was at a friend’s beach…sorry, not sorry

Lost on the Dock

When I shot this photo my main objective was to show off some more of the amazing creations you’ll find at the Vintage Fair and various other events across the grid. Okay, done. Then I though about what to write and I spent over an hour on YouTube looking for the perfect song, but nothing quite resonated with the photo. So, I decided to just ramble. Yep, That’s right…I’m going to ramble on about absolutely nothing. How long will you read these words about me writing about nothing? *laughs* I can’t imagine you’ll last too long, unless you a glutton for meaningless words. My mind is just all over the place this morning and I can’t even settle on a topic. Its Friday and I have so much to do in both world that my my is just spinning with ideas, but none of them will land…so, that’s all. Yep, I’m all out of deep thoughts this morning. Hell, I can barely get a regular thought to sit still and there’s no time for a nap today. I wish you all a fantastic weekend though. ♥

dock of the bay

wearing: 
hair
[e] Mabel (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo: .::Nanika::. Spring is coming White

MANIK QUEEN – Betty Babes Glasses – Plain (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
Cae :: Sydney :: Earrings (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Cae :: Sydney :: Bracelets (*new* @ FaMESHed)
#187# Summer Beach Bag – Marine
JIAN Countryside Collies :: Companion Pup Sable

Scandalize. Sandra. (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
fri. – Nellie Sandals (*new* @ Arcade)

BOAT: BBX – Mary

[pose was sort of a combination of the hold pose in the bag and my ao, just captured it at the right moment (after about 20 shots)…the location is a friend’s house, but the boat was on loan from another friend]

My Ride

“Oh, oh
I’m falling so I’m taking my time on my ride
Oh, I’m falling so I’m taking my time on my ride
Taking my time on my ride”
Twenty One Pilots-Ride

So, this song started on repeat in my head the minute I started taking this picture and at first I was like, ok, I’ll give them the lyrics and let it go. Then I listened a few more times. Then I read the lyrics without the music, because I love poetry and I recognized the true depth of the song. While its the chorus that usually sticks with us and plants some lovely ear worms, the meat of this song comes in the too quick to keep up in a sing along portion. Give it a read, think it over, then meet me after the row of stars.

 

“I’d die for you
That’s easy to say
We have a list of people that we would take
A bullet for them
A bullet for you
A bullet for everybody in this room
But I don’t see to see many bullets coming through
See many bullets coming through
Metaphorically I’m the man
But literally I don’t know what I’d do
I’d live for you
And that’s hard to do
Even harder to say
When you know it’s not true
Even harder to write
When you know that tonight
There are people back home which are talking to you
But then you ignore them still
All these questions they’re forming like
Who would you live for?
Who would you die for?
And would you ever kill?”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

I hope you have thought it over to yourself, before just skipping to this part. Either way, here’s what I’ve got to say about it…if you’re interested. It’s okay if you’re not, you can scroll on down to the credits. I’ll never know and even if you told me, I’m not going to get butthurt over it. Now that I’ve stalled you enough to make you think one way or the other…let’s jump on down that rabbit hole, shall we?

The whole “die for you” and “take a bullet for you” thing. I can’t know if you’ve ever said it, but I sure have. I can’t know if you have taken a bullet for someone or not, but I haven’t. I have, however, had a gun pulled on me and was more than willing to take that bullet. Being a female, I didn’t have to take the bullet afterall, I just had to take something else while the gun was held to my head. I can say without hesitation that I would be willing to take a bullet for a number of people, but that’s because I’m not afraid to die. I also know that a bullet does not always bring death. So, that answers the next question, as to who I’d die for, because I’d die for quite a number of people if it meant they could keep on living. It’s those same people that I live for, because truth be told if it were just up to me I would have been gone well over a year ago.  I didn’t choose to live for myself. I chose not to bring sorrow and suffering to those I love. Last question, would I ever kill? Yes. If I felt I had no other choice, most definitely. Oddly enough, all of these questions are things I’ve thought about in the past, but I never considered how deeply this song would make think about my past, my present, or my future. Ironically the song points out that the singer has been thinking too much. In turn, the song has caused me to think quite a lot.
After all that heavy thinking, I think I’ll just relax and enjoy what’s left of my ride. Here’s hoping that you can make the most of yours and enjoy it, because as many of us have realized this last week…the ride isn’t as long as we sometimes think it is…*lifts her coffee to the sky*…let’s try to enjoy the ride today as long as it last.

my ride

wearing:
hair
[RA] Marina Hair
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara

EF: Summersong Necklace (*new* @ FaMESHed)
*Just BECAUSE* Eva Dress
[VALE KOER] GARTER SOCKS
Phedora ~ Lupe Sneakers (*new* @ Vintage Fair)

pose: [ Focus Poses ] 50’s Tbird (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
backdrop: [Bad Unicorn] ‘The Docks’ Backdrop