Have you ever been in a situation that you’d give up just about anything to make it work out, but somethings just don’t work…no matter how much you want them to…and trying to force it to work just makes it worse? You feel like you’ve been screaming, but like the scream in your nightmares…it catches there on the edge of silence. You know you’re not invisible, but you’re definitely not heard. Your pain is ignored and trivialized to the point that you apologize for being so irrational. Its terribly unhealthy…you know you have to walk away. You know you’re going to look back and if there is any love in this world…they won’t be there watching you leave.
You crawl into a comfortable cloudy corny of yourself. Isolated and withdrawn, you don’t want to be alone, but you can’t stand the thought of being seen this way. There’s a really funny reflection in the bottle with this dim light. Tonight you hide, tonight you decide your fate, but tomorrow you’ll crawl back into the light and soldier on another day. Oh, but we don’t want to think about that…the cycle is maddening. What kinds of toys are we playing with in this madhouse? Why am I so different? This is all that’s left.
None of us are perfect and most of us live with our share of regrets. I usually say that I have no regrets, because I am where I am because of everything that’s happened to me to get me here. However, that’s not really true. Regardless of where the path had led, if there were things I could go back and change, I would. I would undo the pain I’ve caused others. I would have treated myself better over the years and demanded better from others.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I felt I had a reason to live. You see for the longest time, I wanted to die almost every day. I have my reasons for wanting the sweet comfort of the final act, but I also have my reasons for staying alive. There are days that I struggle with both sides of that coin, but someone always finds a way to remind me why its so good that I am still here.
The first thing I had to do was forgive myself. I think that is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s really easy for me to forgive others. I’m really good at letting go (though I wasn’t always). The thing is we can’t really move through our lives without hurting people from time to time. We don’t always mean to hurt others and we rarely set out to hurt ourselves, but when we carry around toxic thoughts and feelings, that’s exactly what we do. We hurt ourselves.
There’s a song that most of you all know, “The Reason” by Hoobastank. This song came out when I was making some major life changes and it became somewhat of an anthem for me. Its a song that I sing to myself and yes, sometimes I actually sing it to myself in the mirror, because there’s no greater reason to change than to change for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fix you….be the reason you change and those changes will be yours that no one can take from you. Forgive yourself and be the reason to treat yourself better than anyone else ever could. You’ll be surprised how many people follow suit and started treating you better, too.
Aaron is wearing: FLite. -Trucker Cap
hair: CATWA HEAD Daniel
ears: Stretched ears-Omimi- [MANDALA]
body: [Signature] Gianni – Body
SIG GIANNI Size – CARSON Hoodie by ColdAsh
There aren’t many guarantees in life, even the stuff sold with “satisfaction guaranteed” can’t really hold true. However, there’s one thing that never fails a woman with large breasts. Tanks tops! Sleep in a tank top or some slinky little nightie with spaghetti straps and you are guaranteed to wake up with one if not both of your titties out.
“The only proper way to eliminate bad habits is to replace them with good ones.”
You ever notice how bad habits go together like peanut butter and jelly? Think about a bar, before all the no smoking policies kicked in across the globe. Bars were always smokey, because anyone that smokes tends to smoke even more when drinking. How about when we snack while watching TV? I never snack when I’m reading a book, but the notorious boob tube makes me want to munch every time. These days just about any idle time puts a smart phone in our hands, our eyes glued to the screen. Sadly, that has led too many people to think that texting while driving was a good idea. Let’s not do that, okay?
That’s why I’ve recently started assigning one day a week to no electronic devices…okay, its more like no computer, because I’m not quite ready to give up TV and messaging with Josh. *grins* I never said I was perfect. I’ve put a book in my bathroom and I’m trying to leave my phone on my desk. As the cool weather sets in, I’m trying to smoke my cigarettes outside, taking the dog with me. I’m doing my best to replace bad habits with good ones, but its definitely baby steps. I’d love to hear from my readers about your bad habits and ways you’ve gone about breaking them. ♥
hair: .Shi Hair : Tucked (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: #PUMEC – XENA – Dead March – CATWA SKIN App.
nose piercing: –SU!– Piercing Set 05 Bridge (Catwa Tala)
lip piercing: –SU!– Piercing Set 05 Snakebites (Catwa Tala) BUENO-Phone- Girl Gangsta (*new* @ Kustom9)
**RE** Luxy Rings Set LYBRA . XL STILETTO NAILS PM – JADE (*new* @ Uber)
There’s a new event/hunt on the grid and its called Once Upon a Nightmare. Now this is not a typical hunt or even a normal mainstore event. It’s a combination of the two brought to you by the same group that runs The Epiphany. It was a bit confusing for me in the beginning, but once I got the hold of it…I simply couldn’t stop. Today’s picture is featuring a lot of items from the event. I’m wearing even more than I’m showing, but pictures often take on a life of their own and this one was no exception. What you don’t see are the prize from Dead Dollz, which is a pair of very sexy Ouija panties and a new release, specially priced for the event, from Reign…some super sexy spiked heels.
Wait, what was that…there’s hunt prizes and new releases? Yes! You will discover there are hidden boxes with hunt prizes. You will also see new releases that are specially priced and released for the event. AND if you join the group there have even been gifts of appreciation sent out to the group!
Here are some helpful links as I didn’t keep linking the vent below, I simply stated whether they were a hunt prize, specially priced, or group gift.
Once Upon a Nightmare page: http://the-epiphany.com/shopping-guides/once-upon-a-nightmare/
Inworld Group Key: secondlife:///app/group/8be9bd9c-87b3-84c8-1172-1f5f629a0fa7/about
hair: Sintiklia – Hair Zoella
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: #PUMEC – XENA – Dead March – CATWA SKIN App. *SPECIAL PRICE*
nose piercing: –SU!– Piercing Set 05 Bridge (Catwa Tala)
lip piercing: –SU!– Piercing Set 05 Snakebites (Catwa Tala)
–SECRETS– Black Widow Pet *HUNT PRIZE* Pretty Mess – Layered Choker SILVER *GROUP GIFT* ChicModa // Bonnie Halloween *SPECIAL PRICE* Astralia – Punk is not dead with HUD (Maitreya Bento) LYBRA . XL STILETTO NAILS bloggers
*****Nails are Special Price…the Spooky HUD for the nails is the HUNT PRIZE****
I love books. Not just reading them, but holding them and owning them. I love the smell of a used bookstore, a library, and a new bookstore. Each one has a distinct odor of its own. I have shelves and shelves of books I have yet to read, because…well, I’m on the computer most of the time and I simply hate reading books on a screen. I’ve tried to read on tablets and I did okay with the Kindle for a while, but eventually I just really missed holding the book, using a bookmark, and having strangers ask me about the book I’m reading. No one asks you what you’re reading when you’re staring at a tablet. So, I refuse to buy eBooks anymore. I need to feel the paper between my fingertips. I need to hear the rustling of the pages as I turn them anxiously trying to finish the sentence/paragraph/chapter. There are always going to be books in my bathroom, on my nightstand, and on various shelves throughout my house. Some I’ve read and decided they’re simply too good to part with, while others sit for ages on the shelf waiting for me to finally embrace the story within.
20 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Secret Bookcase uK – Victorian Book Stand Brown Booth RARE
uK – Victorian Book Stand Her Studies RARE
uK – Victorian Book Stand Quill and Ink
uK – Victorian Book Stand Scholar Study
uK – Victorian Book Stand Book Pile
uK – Victorian Book Stand Loose Bits
uK – Victorian Book Stand Her Note
uK – Victorian Book Stand Scholar Stack
39 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Carpet – Two
She hears the word tequila and a wry smile forms on her face. She doesn’t care what the reason if tequila is involved, she’s in! There’s just one little problem…when it comes to tequila she doesn’t know when to quit. Dun dun dunnnnn….you might want to check back on her later…there’s bound to be a story. (…to be continued later today/tonight…meh, timezones!)
This post is going to be short and sweet, because sometimes music expresses what I’m feeling more than my own words. So, here’s a song, but this time I’ll let you find the lyrics on your own. I’m just going to quote my favorite part. ♥
“Spend some time with you
I might bend the rules
Cause I’m in love with you
You can see the truth
I will show you soon
Just meet me on the moon”
There’s just something magical about night air, particularly around 9pm. The dark sky, the shadows, the temperature is dropping, and a perfect night would have a nice cool breeze. I can only assume that my fondness for this time of night has to do with my memories of working at the mall in my very reckless 20s. The mall closed at 9pm sharp and unless you worked in one of the restaurants or major department stores, you were out of there no later than 9:15pm. There’s a sense of community among mall employees. We’ve all dealt with the screaming kids, the obnoxious tweens, the confused parents, and lost elderly. We all worked in retail. It’s only 9:15pm…the night is young…we would hang out in the parking lot, smoke cigarettes, and make plans on where to meet up in an hour or two. The party would soon start.
Even now all these years later, I still feel that sense of freedom if I just so happen to be outside around that time of night and just the right breeze blows over me. It’s funny, its not something I’d thought I’d remember or reminisce about someday.
Yesterday was a bad day. Nothing in particular happened, it was just one of those days where I felt like I had no people skills. My mind was cloudy. I hard a really hard time just thinking about anything that wasn’t laid out in front of me in black and white. I wanted to stay in bed more than anything. To hide under the covers from the world. I did not care about the eclipse, but felt like I should. I just didn’t.
I’m quite fortunate that Josh understands me better than most and understood that I just needed to be. Simply be. We watched some Netflix together, a comedy and we laughed. We didn’t talk much, but we shared time together and he let me be myself. A few of my friends understood, Rebel even suggested it might be hormones at that’s certainly a possibility. She sent me the link to one of my favorite bad mood songs and that made me grin. I think only three people were aware of how I was feeling and all three were very compassionate.
It wasn’t one of those situations that could be fixed and they knew that. They knew I simply needed to just be. I suppose that might not make sense to some, but for I do believe we all have days like that. We just wake up on the wrong side of the proverbial bed and want more than anything to lash out or be left alone. I knew if I was forced to interact with too many people yesterday I would end up saying or doing something I’d later regret. I went to bed quite early, which led me to wake up too soon. I lied there in my bed thinking how I could make sure today would be different and I just decided that it will be. I cannot suffer another day like yesterday. It felt ridiculous to be so seemingly angry for no apparent reason. Today, I will have a good day if it kills me. *thinks for a minute and grins* Or perhaps kills someone else. *smirks*