#SadyOnMyAss

A few months ago I was over the moon, a little confused, and a teensy bit overwhelmed as I was accepted to blog for Phedora. After my first full month of blogging for them, I won blogger of the month! I couldn’t believe it! This came with a monetary prize, as well as them using one of my pics for their flickr cover and I think their Facebook cover, too. I can’t remember about the last one to be sure. However, one of the other prizes was having a design named after me. I was over the moon. There were going to be shoes named Sady!?!?! A couple of months went by and I saw nothing. I had forgotten all about it until one day, Niki Demonix (wife of Lucifer…seriously) was winding the Phedora VIPs up about the WIP and what was coming to Kustom9, I jokingly asked if it was something fabulous named after me. Imagine my surprise when Niki sends me an IM with a gyazo showing me the edit box on a WIP that read Sadystika panties!!!!! WHAT?!?! Yes!
As crazy excited as I was to hear about this, she then begins a campaign with a hashtag: #sadyonmyass

So, if you’re scrolling through Facebook and noticing that hashtag, you can blame Niki. *laughs* I am finding it rather amusing and I do hope you’ll love the set as much as I do. Feel free to use the hashtag or not, but make sure you check it out, because this set is gorgeous!

Around the same time that this set came out, my best friend, Tracy Weston of GingerFish poses, released her top secret collaboration project for eBento. Its an astounding build called Red Light Queen. Its so big in face, that in order to show you the panties I could really only show you one of the poses inside one of the doors. She does have a full scale demo at the event, so if you love photography…if you love naughty pictures…this is a must have set. You will see it again on my blog, of that you can be sure!

Snapshot_036

wearing: 
hair
:  TETRA – Pineapple Hair (FLF June 16, 2017)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
skin: Glam Affair – Polly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara

Phedora ~ Sadystika Set  (*new* @ Kustom9)

pose & scene: GingerFish Poses – Red Light Queen (*new* @ eBENTO)

Devil in Me

“I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
I don’t wanna wake it up
The devil in me”
Halsey- Devil in Me

Have you ever met someone that just brings out the worst in you? They might not have done anything to you, but for some reason there’s just this instant dislike of them? It happens to me from time to time and I’m hoping I’m not the only one. Maybe I’m just the only one willing to admit it. Surely not. When I do meet people like that, I try to be polite and just keep my distance. So, its not really a problem.
Then there’s those people that just run around doing all kinds of dirt to other people. They haven’t done anything to me, that I know of, but I’m not trying to get close to people like that either, but then they go and do something really nasty to someone you love. *sighs* Its really hard to keep my mouth shut in situations like that. I know I should trust the person who has been offended to take care of themselves and most of the time I do. However, in case I never mentioned it before…I happen to be human and with that comes some faults. I know, I know, you thought I was perfect. *laughs* Let me tell you now…there are times when its all I can do to keep myself in check. I’m not talking about threatening someone online. I’m talking about just reading a bitch like a book. Front to back, side to side, up and down…and I’ve been told on a few occasions my words can cut deeper than any knife. Having lost more than one friend in the past to my apparently razor sharp words I really don’t wanna wake up the devil in me.

releasing the demon

wearing: 
hair
.Shi x Messiah : Hair / Unisex . Common 2
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
eyes: CATWA Mesh Eyes Pack w/:Conviction: Viscous Eyes [HUD]
eyeshadow-SU!– Somber Eyeshadow +CATWA APPLIER+
lipstick: -SU!- The Matte Lip Essentials //Catwa BENTO//
skin: Glam Affair – Molly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Artic (*new* @ Arcade)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo.::Nanika::. Gaia tattoo Black (*new* @ Tres Chic)
piercing.:E.A.Eclipse:.  Nerfertiti Piercing Mouth

Phedora ~ Edwin body harness (*new* @ Somber)
S&P Like A Prayer – clamps black
[CX] Piton Pumps – Black ( Maitreya )

pose by Del May

My Ride

“Oh, oh
I’m falling so I’m taking my time on my ride
Oh, I’m falling so I’m taking my time on my ride
Taking my time on my ride”
Twenty One Pilots-Ride

So, this song started on repeat in my head the minute I started taking this picture and at first I was like, ok, I’ll give them the lyrics and let it go. Then I listened a few more times. Then I read the lyrics without the music, because I love poetry and I recognized the true depth of the song. While its the chorus that usually sticks with us and plants some lovely ear worms, the meat of this song comes in the too quick to keep up in a sing along portion. Give it a read, think it over, then meet me after the row of stars.

 

“I’d die for you
That’s easy to say
We have a list of people that we would take
A bullet for them
A bullet for you
A bullet for everybody in this room
But I don’t see to see many bullets coming through
See many bullets coming through
Metaphorically I’m the man
But literally I don’t know what I’d do
I’d live for you
And that’s hard to do
Even harder to say
When you know it’s not true
Even harder to write
When you know that tonight
There are people back home which are talking to you
But then you ignore them still
All these questions they’re forming like
Who would you live for?
Who would you die for?
And would you ever kill?”

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

I hope you have thought it over to yourself, before just skipping to this part. Either way, here’s what I’ve got to say about it…if you’re interested. It’s okay if you’re not, you can scroll on down to the credits. I’ll never know and even if you told me, I’m not going to get butthurt over it. Now that I’ve stalled you enough to make you think one way or the other…let’s jump on down that rabbit hole, shall we?

The whole “die for you” and “take a bullet for you” thing. I can’t know if you’ve ever said it, but I sure have. I can’t know if you have taken a bullet for someone or not, but I haven’t. I have, however, had a gun pulled on me and was more than willing to take that bullet. Being a female, I didn’t have to take the bullet afterall, I just had to take something else while the gun was held to my head. I can say without hesitation that I would be willing to take a bullet for a number of people, but that’s because I’m not afraid to die. I also know that a bullet does not always bring death. So, that answers the next question, as to who I’d die for, because I’d die for quite a number of people if it meant they could keep on living. It’s those same people that I live for, because truth be told if it were just up to me I would have been gone well over a year ago.  I didn’t choose to live for myself. I chose not to bring sorrow and suffering to those I love. Last question, would I ever kill? Yes. If I felt I had no other choice, most definitely. Oddly enough, all of these questions are things I’ve thought about in the past, but I never considered how deeply this song would make think about my past, my present, or my future. Ironically the song points out that the singer has been thinking too much. In turn, the song has caused me to think quite a lot.
After all that heavy thinking, I think I’ll just relax and enjoy what’s left of my ride. Here’s hoping that you can make the most of yours and enjoy it, because as many of us have realized this last week…the ride isn’t as long as we sometimes think it is…*lifts her coffee to the sky*…let’s try to enjoy the ride today as long as it last.

my ride

wearing:
hair
[RA] Marina Hair
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara

EF: Summersong Necklace (*new* @ FaMESHed)
*Just BECAUSE* Eva Dress
[VALE KOER] GARTER SOCKS
Phedora ~ Lupe Sneakers (*new* @ Vintage Fair)

pose: [ Focus Poses ] 50’s Tbird (*new* @ Vintage Fair)
backdrop: [Bad Unicorn] ‘The Docks’ Backdrop

 

 

End of the Day

You know how at the end of the day, we shed our clothes, we wash our faces, and brush our teeth? Some of us shower or bathe before bed, too? Then the minute we lay down the events of the day start swirling about in our heads. No, not you, Troy, I know you are one of the few that can just decide to go to sleep and be out like a light the minute your head hits the pillow. Just shut the hell up, not talking to you or any of the people like you! #hatechuall I’m talking to the people like me…the ones that don’t go straight to sleep. Those of you that actually have to wait for sleep to arrive. Mind you, I’m not really hating on those that have Troy’s ability to just sleep. I’m actually quite jealous. However, since I’ve never in my life known what that’s like so for me, its a waiting game. Don’t really want to talk so much about that right now though. *swats Troy* Stop distracting me, will ya?
Ok, so end of the day…you shed your clothes and dirt, right? Yeah, that’s where I was…and then you lay down…yeah…and the day comes back swirling around in your head…now where was I going with that? I think I was going to talk about how we should wash away all the negative thoughts about the day by focusing on the positive things that happened. By remembering how loved we are by those that we have no doubt love us. To remember the ones we love and to really focus on the best parts of the day. Yeah, that’s where I was going with that. I know a lot of people do meditations in the morning or read a positive quote for the day, to try and get the day started on a good note, but why not do the same at night to insure a restful more peaceful sleep. Its something I’ve been trying lately and it seems to be making a difference. So, for those of you like me that have trouble falling asleep at night…give it a try…it can’t hurt, right?

end of the day

wearing:
.:E.A.Studio:. BOX Bashim Bracialets (*new* @ Tres Chic)
!APHORISM! Maya Tank & Panties
Phedora ~ Sugar Flip Flops (June Cutie Loot)

pose by BellePoses – Hello Sailor set (*new* @Vintage Fair)

scene:
18.erratic / lsm – clothing clutter – woman
DRD – Rustic Bathroom – Towel Rack
NOMAD // Improvised // Laundry Basket and Soap
DRD – Rustic Bathroom – Bathtub
+Half-Deer+ Spilled Liquid – Large Puddle – Water Set

These Chains

“Even in these chains, you can’t stop me.
Even in these chains, you can’t stop me!”
In This Moment Big Bad Wolf

The song I quoted above is one of my all time favorite songs and the moment I heard it I recognized the struggle with myself in the lyrics. I often find myself wrapped in the chains of circumstances. Too many times those chains of my own. The fight that goes on in my head with myself is a constant one. Perhaps the voice inside me that belittles me at every turn, the one that abuses me mentally and emotionally, the one that urges me towards death and poor choices…perhaps that’s the part of me that was trained to believe I was nothing but entertainment by my father. Perhaps not. Its quite possible that we all have an inner voice that criticizes our every move. That voice of doubt…of worthlessness…our own worst critic….maybe we all have that voice.
I can’t know how loud other people’s ugly little voices yell or scream, but I know that mine can be deafening. However, I can yell back at them just as loud…at times. The last year and a half have lent so much strength to that hateful voice that I’ve had to lean on friends and medications to keep my head afloat. I teetered on a very fine line between life and death, but now? Now, I am fighting back. I’m standing up and I’m breaking those chains, because I will not be my worst enemy anymore. To that awful voice inside my head, I scream, “Even in these chains, you can’t stop me!”

these chains can't stop me_014

hairTableau Vivant \\ Summer Hairplay – Coromuel (*new* @ Arcade)
headCATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara

[CX] Qilin Horns (Silver)
**RE** Cora Arms Harness 1.2
E.V.E Shroud of Chains {Black} Cape
Phedora Belladona ~ Amoret addon Maitreya nyx (*new* @ Arcade)
Phedora Belladona ~ Amoret Maitreya nyx (*new* @ Arcade)
{Luxuria} Baby Girl Stockings (FLF 6/9/17)
Phedora Belladona ~ Edith platforms Maitreya Nyx (*new* @ Arcade)

background made using a spiked box from The Weekend Ruiner
and uK – Mystic Dew Drops Ani Silver

pose created with AnyPose

XOXO

As I sit here this beautiful Saturday morning, smoking my cigarette and drinking my coffee, I can’t help but think about how blessed I am. I had a fantastic conversation with a new friend about the power of choosing to be positive. We talked about how there’s far too much hate and how there can never be too much love. So, in keeping with that I’m going to keep this short and wish you all an absolutely beautiful, positive, love filled weekend. XOXO

XOXO

wearing:
hair:  [monso] My Hair – Twobi (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Kathy
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skinGlam Affair – Polly – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Kustom9)

Vinyl – Scars Turtleneck/Bra Pak (FLF May 27, 2017)
Vinyl – Florence Skirt
Phedora ~ Danielle Strappy heels (*new* @ Uber)

pose by Foxcity (includes cigarette)
MINIMAL – Underground Background -4- (*new* @ Uber)

Stick a Knife In It

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mohandas Gandhi

This is a lesson that took me ages me to learn. I had to learn that I had more power over how I feel than anyone else. I had to learn that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. I had to learn that holding onto resentments is like carrying rocks in my pocket and that each resentment I carry is just another rock. How many rocks must one soul carry until they learn to start letting them go? I had to learn that anger is a secondary emotion. Its one we choose, because its more comfortable than the fear and/or pain behind it. There will be some that read this and disagree, but that simply means they haven’t learned these lessons yet. Some never will. I know these things to be true. I know them to be as true as my weight and the scars on my skin.
Learning to forgive, despite the pain and/or fear certainly is not easy. It doesn’t mean you have to find love in your heart for those that have scorned you. It means you have to find love in your heart for yourself. Enough love to stop giving more power to those that hurt you. It means taking the power away from those that do not deserve it. I recently found out that someone that I once counted among my closest friends has been telling lies about me. He’s told innumerable people that I was trying to sleep with him and that’s why he quit being my friend. Those that know me…that really know him…they know that simply isn’t true, but there are plenty of people out there that are listening and believing his lies. It hurt. It still does, but there’s nothing I can do about him, his lies, or those that choose to believe him, except forgive him and let it go.
Will I ever trust him again? Will I ever be his friend again? Of course not. Learning to forgive and let go does not color me a fool. It simply strengthens me and lightens the load on my soul. I will never understand his reasons for that lie. He could have simply told the truth. We had an argument, we both felt the other person was unreasonable and he chose to walk away rather than talk it out. He could have said that I threw the friendship away, as that may very well have been his understanding of the situation. However, he chose to spread rumors and lies about me instead. Again, I admit that it hurt.
By forgiving him, I drop those rocks of resentment with his name on them, and I lighten the load on my soul. In the end, I am the stronger one, because by lightening my spiritual load I strengthen it at well. He is but one example of how people have stabbed me in the back. There are many others, but I must forgive them, as well. For its my spirit that I must care for and it is my responsibility to lighten that load. I have far more serious matters going on in my life that worrying about this man and his lies or anyone else that chooses to hate me for no genuine reason. So, to him I say, “I forgive you, here’s my back, stick a knife in it if you must, but you will NOT break my spirit or rape my soul.”

 

hide n seek

wearing:
hair: /Wasabi Pills/ Apple Mesh Hair (*new* @ ULTRA)
bodyMaitreya Mesh Body – Lara
tattoo: [White~Widow] TwinPeaks II – Black (*new* @ Enchantment)
_CandyDoll_ Megan Panties Black (*new* @ Rewind)
Phedora ~ Melissa Strappy heels  (*new* @ Kustom9)
JIAN Jack Russel Terrier :: Companion (Luxe Box May)

pose by Del May

backdrop: RAMA – #selfie_RAMA Cube Photostudio (*new* @ 6 Republic)