I’ve tried to avoid doing photos with masks. I didn’t want to offend anyone or make light of our current situation. However, since I found out that this is no longer a one and done disease. Not only can you contract this disease twice, but the numbers are getting insanely higher by the day. So, it seems that for those of us not wanting to get sick, masks are going to be part of our lives for quite some time. Ladies are going to save a ton on lipstick!
However, I’m looking at this as an opportunity for us to really showcase our eyes. We can get super creative with our masks and matching eye shadow combinations! Okay, sure we might not do our hair with branches sticking out, but the mask and eye shadow combo are brilliant and you know it! Plus, if we have to wear masks for a while, they might as well be fashionable. Maybe if we make them cute enough we can get everyone to wear them, even those selfish assholes that think they’re too good to wear a mask.
hair: Tableau Vivant \\ Fruit of the Bloom [bare] Reward
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes: –SU!– [CATWA & OMEGA HUD] Astrid Eyes (Fatpack)
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Mara Skin [ Lelutka ] @ C88
It’s kinda funny that my left arm is rather limp in this photo, because last night my dog nearly ripped my left arm out of the socket. She got so excited when she saw a man and his two kids walking across the yard. I wasn’t even looking, because I was talking to my neighbor. Then suddenly I’m yanked backwards by the leash in my left hand. I’m really proud of myself for not screaming out a string of curse words. I simply screamed. Today, I’m taking it easy. My shoulder is killing me…the rest of my body is hurting, too. There’s been a storm brewing in the sky for two days now and tomorrow the rain will be here. So, with my fibromyalgia along with my new shoulder pain…yeah, I’ll be taking it easy.
It’s Monday. I’m on new meds. I’m still waking up. *sighs* I’m sitting here wondering what to write about, because everything on my mind is far too private to share. I could talk about the wonky weather. Meh. I could talk about the bruise on my hip in the shape of a paw print from my cat walking across me all night. I could write about my adventures in PhotoShop that really are not fascinating to anyone but me. *laughs* I could talk about how my mom farted in the bathtub so loudly last night that it sounded like a jackhammer was coming through the wall. I got so tickled with the idea that she was in there making a jacuzzi for herself. (That’s a movie reference for those of you that don’t get it.) *giggles* Alas, I’m just typing while I think and I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t have much to say this morning. So, I’m just gonna post this and hope you like the picture. *strikes a pose*
I decided to take little break from all the Christmas scenes and just do a normal-ish picture. I’ve been playing with PhotoShop and getting far more comfortable with it, but I have a long way to go. Although, I’m quite happy with how this one turned out, I really feel that I just got lucky. I strolled around the FMD sim until I found a setting I thought suited me. If you’re not a member of FMD, but want to check out their amazing sim go on a Friday night during open access. They do it weekly. If you are a member, then I recommend you take full advantage of the gorgeous sim. I happen to know the team that put this all together and that they worked tirelessly for months to get it just right.
It is happening! I’ve already changed my display name to Sαdy M’ғɴ Clαwѕ. Now I’m posing with reindeer and dogs dressed up like elves. Don’t look now, but it seems I’ve caught the Christmas spirit!! (This would be a good time to gasp and run for cover.) I’m so excited to dress up and decorate…everything Christmas. I wonder how long this will last? I know I won’t make it until Christmas. No idea how long it will be before I’m complaining about the commercialism of the holiday and if I have to look at one more “this” or “that.” Based on experience, I have quickly tired of it in the past. I hope this year will be different, as its the first time in years that I’m feeling even remotely festive.
Sometimes I think that people like me should come with a warning. I mean, in my mind there are walls and barbed wire all around my heart, but there are no signs. I never considered it until just now. I was wandering around Autumn Trace when I saw this little shack and thought how truly poetic it was to have stumbled across this little shack in the swamp. I identify so deeply with this entire sim. It feels very much like wandering about in my mind.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I’m just not sure that holds true with me. I’m not sure if its because I’m an Army brat or if there’s something intrinsically broken within me. If anything, the more fitting phrase for me would be, “Absence makes the heart grow stronger.” The longer someone ignores me or stays away…the harder someone pushes me away…the longer someone makes me wait…the stronger my heart gets and the less I feel the need or desire for that person in my life.
I’m pretty sure this is due to being an Army brat and constantly moving as a child. I mean, I was twelve before we moved into a home that would last us more than two years, and that home only lasted four. The next place lasted less than 3 years. I took moving around and constantly saying goodbye to people as part of life. Where I am now, I’ve lived since 2004 and I will most likely die here. It’s weird to think I won’t move again. It’s weird seeing what happens to my life when I am not constantly filtering through my belongings to reduce the amount of boxes I’ll have to move.
I haven’t been much different with the people in my life. I suppose that aside from my mother, my (ex) husband is the longest relationship I maintained and that was only because we shared a living space. Since he has moved out, we’ve barely texted. We haven’t spoken once. The longer he’s gone, the less I miss him, and the less it hurts. I suppose I trained myself to strengthen the walls around my heart as a child. I knew better than to get attached. Except now I fear its easier to let go, than it is for me to hold on.
She absolutely loved this time of year. This was the time of year that she didn’t have to change between jobs. This was the time of year that she could lick the blood off her knife and people would simply laugh at her silly antics. No one suspected for even a moment that she was actually tasting the blood of her victims. There was something truly delicious about being her true self in front of everyone without them even suspected for a moment that she had just killed another worthless scumbag. Yes, this truly was her favorite holiday.
I wish I could party like I used to when I was young
Now I like to party by myself, I swear it’s just as fun
It’s kinda funny
Living a cocaine lifestyle is overrated
This isn’t Mexico, it’s reality
All of you party people don’t get your feelings hurt
I’m incapable of being how you want me
I do what I want
I do what I want
I wish I could function in the big city of LA
I can’t even function here alone on a perfect day
~ Misso – I Do What I Want
We’ve all had someone do something awful to us at some point in our lives. Whether it was something massively tragic like child abuse, being attacked, or simply betrayed by someone we believed loved us more than they did. No matter the degree or the nature of the pain, the bottom line is that someone hurt us. As humans (though some of us are more cat like) we instinctively want to know why. We want our pain to be acknowledged by the perpetrator. And last but not least, we want retribution.
I learned a lesson about “why” when I was a kid. My father had this awesome friend, Randy. I absolutely adored him and he was always making me laugh. I remember he came over one day and began saying that WHY was irrelevant. He started breaking down all my why questions. Why is the sky blue? “Drop the why and you simply have a fact. It doesn’t matter why. The point is that it IS.” Is the sky blue? Yes. Why do we park in the drive way and drive on the parkway? Do we park in the drive way and drive on the parkway? Yes. He taught me early on that unless there was something to be gained from knowing why, there was no point in asking. So, I ask you…why did someone hurt me? Did someone hurt me? Yes. Knowing why serves no real purpose. Its not going to help me heal. It’s not going to change what happened. It’s not going to do anything, except make me ask more useless questions. I’m not an FBI profiler, I’m not going to get to the bottom of what makes a monster tick. It is simply for curiosity’s sake that I want to know why. It is not going to lesson my pain one bit.
Why do we need perpetrators to acknowledge what they did? Well, I just talked about why questions. So, the real question is do we need perpetrators to acknowledge what they did? No. We know what they did. The only reason we should NEED an admission of guilt is if we feel as though people do not believe us. Even then, we know what happened and whether admitted or not, the perpetrator knows. As far as the rest of the world, it only matters if there are criminal charges in question. Which leads me to the retribution part. We all want to feel vindicated. We trust in the laws of our government, our religions, karma, etc. However, the truth is that many people will never pay for their bad deeds. EVER. For us to walk around holding onto some sort of resentment waiting for them to pay the price? Well, that’s a bit like walking around with stones in our pockets for absolutely no reason except to be reminded that we’re carrying around these heavy rocks just to be reminded that we’re being fools for carrying around heavy rocks.
At the very end of it all, the only thing we can change in all of this is how we go forward. Regardless of why or acknowledgment or even retribution, we can choose to carry those stones in our pockets punishing ourselves for what someone else did. OR we can empty our pockets and walk away with our heads held high knowing that whatever happened is in our past. It’s behind us…so without looking back, just bend over a bit, smack yourself on the butt and tell all that crap to kiss to your ass!