another layer of armor

I don’t know when I got scared
Scared of my imagination
Used to see beautiful things
Now I got this sick fixation

I’m playing out every single fear I’ve ever had
Scrolling through the pictures, seeing all I don’t have
Believing every negative feeling is a fact
I don’t wanna get used to that

Why do I beat myself up and tear myself down?
I’m so good at being critical
I guess I’ll learn it’s hard to get hurt
When you’re good at being cynical

I’m jealous of when I was young
And everything was right there waiting
Wanted the sky, aimed so high
Instead of lowering my expectations

I don’t know how else to keep my feet on the ground
And stop the voices in my head from getting too loud
I think I’m realizing no one figures it out
And I gotta get used to that

Why do I beat myself up and tear myself down?
I’m so good at being critical
I guess I’ll learn it’s hard to get hurt
When you’re good at being cynical

If I hope and it doesn’t work, then
I know, it’s gonna hurt, so I’ll
Make a joke, act like nothing wrong
And put another layer of armor on

Why do I beat myself up and tear myself down?
~ Katelyn Tarver – Cynical

hair: Tableau Vivant \\ BunB*tch [Add-on+HB]
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes: -SU!- [CATWA & OMEGA HUD] Astrid Eyes (Fatpack)
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Mara Skin [ Lelutka ] @ C88

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA DEJA VU COLLECTION #4 @ Black Fair
lipstick: IDTTY FACES –  LELUTKA DEJA VU COLLECTION #8 @ Black Fair

Apocalyptic – Awakening the eye black @ Belle
(Yummy) Cleopatra Nose Ring – Silver
Kibitz – Leove’s earrings
–SU!– Almond Nails

pose: GingerFish Poses – Doll Face

backdrop: No Show – Black Vibes – The Bearded Guy

Taking It Easy

It’s kinda funny that my left arm is rather limp in this photo, because last night my dog nearly ripped my left arm out of the socket. She got so excited when she saw a man and his two kids walking across the yard. I wasn’t even looking, because I was talking to my neighbor. Then suddenly I’m yanked backwards by the leash in my left hand. I’m really proud of myself for not screaming out a string of curse words. I simply screamed. Today, I’m taking it easy. My shoulder is killing me…the rest of my body is hurting, too. There’s been a storm brewing in the sky for two days now and tomorrow the rain will be here. So, with my fibromyalgia along with my new shoulder pain…yeah, I’ll be taking it easy.

wearing:
hair:  Tableau Vivant // Allison @ Kustom9
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.1 @ Skin Fair
body:  [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Heidi Skin [Lelutka] @ Kustom9

^^Swallow^^ Charm Ears
[ rD ] – Tresor Set (necklace & earrings) @ FaMESHed
–SU!– Almond Nails @ Anthem
Little Fox – Taylor cropped turtleneck
BUENO-Alma Leather Pants @ Kustom9
[BREATHE]-Min Seo Heels @ C88

pose: GingerFish Poses – S’il Vous Plait @ ebento

hive // worn windsor rocking chair . floral
hive // jolly coffee table chest

I could

It’s Monday. I’m on new meds. I’m still waking up. *sighs* I’m sitting here wondering what to write about, because everything on my mind is far too private to share. I could talk about the wonky weather. Meh. I could talk about the bruise on my hip in the shape of a paw print from my cat walking across me all night. I could write about my adventures in PhotoShop that really are not fascinating to anyone but me. *laughs* I could talk about how my mom farted in the bathtub so loudly last night that it sounded like a jackhammer was coming through the wall. I got so tickled with the idea that she was in there making a jacuzzi for herself. (That’s a movie reference for those of you that don’t get it.) *giggles* Alas, I’m just typing while I think and I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t have much to say this morning. So, I’m just gonna post this and hope you like the picture. *strikes a pose*

hair:  Moon. Hair. // Smile @ Kustom9
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Baby Face
^^Swallow^^ Charm Ears @ Kustom9
–SU!– Best Of Red Lipstick Set -Genus @ Access
skin: L’Etre – Lana Skin
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
Izzie’s – Aged Claw Scars
Insomnia Angel . Rose pickled blood pack

[CX] Osseous Species Collar – Onyx
[CX] Hinata – Black
Moon Elixir – Sabrina – Lara – Thong
[CX] LSD Fishnets – Black

pose: GingerFish Poses – Sugar Rum Cherry @ eBento
***right arm position alters by holding pose for blood pack**

Meow – Neon Drive – The Bearded Guy @ YungIcon

[Black Bantam] Hold Me Naked Sphynx ALL RARE

KraftWork Cat Lover Marquee Frame White Blink

Just Right

I decided to take little break from all the Christmas scenes and just do a normal-ish picture. I’ve been playing with PhotoShop and getting far more comfortable with it, but I have a long way to go. Although, I’m quite happy with how this one turned out, I really feel that I just got lucky. I strolled around the FMD sim until I found a setting I thought suited me. If you’re not a member of FMD, but want to check out their amazing sim go on a Friday night during open access. They do it weekly. If you are a member, then I recommend you take full advantage of the gorgeous sim. I happen to know the team that put this all together and that they worked tirelessly for months to get it just right.

hair:  Stealthic – Allure
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Baby Face
WarPaint* Soiree eyeshadow – set 1 @ Uber
skin: L’Etre – Lana Skin
body: Maitreya Mesh Body

Kibitz – Mystical stars necklace
**RE** Festive Rings Set @ FaMESHed
Ascendant – Holly Nails @ Santa Inc

Addams // Pandora Denim Jacket with Sweater
Addams // Pandora Jeans with Belt

pose: GingerFish – Frost @ The Liaison Collaborative

location: FMD

Feeling Festive…for Now

It is happening! I’ve already changed my display name to Sαdy M’ғɴ Clαwѕ. Now I’m posing with reindeer and dogs dressed up like elves. Don’t look now, but it seems I’ve caught the Christmas spirit!! (This would be a good time to gasp and run for cover.) I’m so excited to dress up and decorate…everything Christmas. I wonder how long this will last? I know I won’t make it until Christmas. No idea how long it will be before I’m complaining about the commercialism of the holiday and if I have to look at one more “this” or “that.” Based on experience, I have quickly tired of it in the past. I hope this year will be different, as its the first time in years that I’m feeling even remotely festive.

hair:  Stealthic – Plush
head: Genus Head – Baby Face
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)
skin:  — PUMEC #RARE 2 – KATE – MAY   @ Kustom9
lipstick: HIATUS – Glamourish #2 HD Lipstick [genus] @ Belle

.TeaBunny. Celestial Specs @ N21
Addams // Hillay Cropped Wool Sweater
VINYL – Coffee First Leggings @ N21
[Enchante’] – Kelsey Sneakers @ Tannenbaum

[Rezz Room] Box Pomeranian Elf Animesh @ Tannenbaum

GingerFish – Love is the Warmest Color @ Flourish

location is private property of a deer friend (see what I did there?)

A Warning

Sometimes I think that people like me should come with a warning. I mean, in my mind there are walls and barbed wire all around my heart, but there are no signs. I never considered it until just now. I was wandering around Autumn Trace when I saw this little shack and thought how truly poetic it was to have stumbled across this little shack in the swamp. I identify so deeply with this entire sim. It feels very much like wandering about in my mind.

hair:  Foxy – Nola Hair @ Kustom9
head: Genus Head – Baby Face
skin: L’Etre – Lana Skin
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

AsteroidBox. Carrie Sweater @ Kustom9
RKKN. Nicole’s Jeans
REIGN.- DONNA BOOTIES @ Collabor88
[Rezz Room] Pomeranian Animesh @ Equal10

poses: GingerFish Poses – Mind Games @ eBento
location: Autumn Trace

Her favorite holiday

She absolutely loved this time of year. This was the time of year that she didn’t have to change between jobs. This was the time of year that she could lick the blood off her knife and people would simply laugh at her silly antics. No one suspected for even a moment that she was actually tasting the blood of her victims. There was something truly delicious about being her true self in front of everyone without them even suspected for a moment that she had just killed another worthless scumbag. Yes, this truly was her favorite holiday.

hair: Foxy – Baby Hair @ Kustom9
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Baby Face
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
skin: [Glam Affair] Mary Applier [Genus ] 004 – 06 @ Epiphany
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

[CX] Hell’s Harbinger
[CX] Lance Bracers Femme
[CX] Shredder Claws
Eliavah ~ Vixen Top @ Kustom9

pose: GingerFish Poses – She’s a Killer @ The Liaison Collaborative
VARONIS – Sombre Skybox @ Kustom9

The Devil and Me

When I was a little girl, I used to ask my mom questions about the devil all the time. A bit of foreshadowing in real life, perhaps? To be fair, I think my curiosity was stirred up by foods. My parents had a fondness for deviled ham and it came in this little can that was wrapped in paper. On that paper was the iconic symbol of a devil. Red, pointy tail, hooves…not greatly detailed, just a bit of clip art before that was really a thing. There was also devil’s food cake which was amazing and compared to angel’s food cake…I found the devil to be the better cook. My mom would also make comments to about the cats having the devil in them when they were especially mischievous, energetic, or loud. As an only child, I love the cats the most when they were active, so again, I had this positive connection to the devil. The funny thing is, I remember asking my mom to tell me all about the devil, but for the life of me, I cannot remember anything she would say. I’m guessing she probably changed the subject and tried to steer my attention to Jesus or angels. Those topics just always put me right to sleep. I’m quite sure if my mom was to look back on my early childhood she was say there were a lot of clues about what was to come. *grins*

Why be a Redangel, when you can be a RedDevil, Tracy?

hair: #2 DOUX – Summer Night Hairstyle RARE
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Mineko – Catwa Applier 007 – 05 @ Arcade
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

[CX] Kishin Bindi @ Panic of the Pumpkin in Okinowa
Cynful Diamond – Choker
Cynful Diamond – Bracelets
[ Conviction ] The Claws V.2 – Matte Ombre
neve intimates – form @ FaMESHed X

GingerFish Poses – Bedeviled @ Pose Fair

12 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne Altar
11 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne
.BIRCH Pentagram Inverted Torches

 

Day of the Dead

“The core belief of the [Day of the Dead] is so poetic and simple: as long as we remember those who have passed away, as long as we tell their stories, sing their songs, tell their jokes, cook their favorite meals, THEN they are with us, around us, and in our hearts. The moment we forget them, […] then they are truly gone.
(The Art of the Book of Life, Introduction)”
― Jorge R. Gutierrez

hair: MINA – Martha @ Salem
head: LeLutka Bento Head-KORINA
skin: [Glam Affair] – Lelutka Makeup – Halloween @ BLACK FAIR
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)

FAKEICON / mary gems collar @ FaMESHed
Ascendant – Ouija Nails @ Anthem
DIRTY PRINCESS– Darkness Beauty Princess Dress @ Uber

pose: GingerFish Poses – Your Ghost @ TLC
location:  SLs Top Haunted Places Tour & Hunt

I do what I want

I wish I could party like I used to when I was young
Now I like to party by myself, I swear it’s just as fun

It’s kinda funny
Living a cocaine lifestyle is overrated
This isn’t Mexico, it’s reality
All of you party people don’t get your feelings hurt
I’m incapable of being how you want me
I do what I want
I do what I want

I wish I could function in the big city of LA
I can’t even function here alone on a perfect day
~ Misso – I Do What I Want

DOUX – Damiana hairstyle @ Equal10
CATWA HEAD Catya v3.2
[Glam Affair] Maria Applier
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
AsteroidBox. Selene Shirt
AsteroidBox. Nyx Boots & Pants @ Kustom9

pose: GingerFish Poses – Outrun @ The Liaison Collaborative
location: Dystopia