Let You Down

Have you ever been in a situation that you’d give up just about anything to make it work out, but somethings just don’t work…no matter how much you want them to…and trying to force it to work just makes it worse? You feel like you’ve been screaming, but like the scream in your nightmares…it catches there on the edge of silence. You know you’re not invisible, but you’re definitely not heard. Your pain is ignored and trivialized to the point that you apologize for being so irrational. Its terribly unhealthy…you know you have to walk away. You know you’re going to look back and if there is any love in this world…they won’t be there watching you leave.

You crawl into a comfortable cloudy corny of yourself. Isolated and withdrawn, you don’t want to be alone, but you can’t stand the thought of being seen this way. There’s a really funny reflection in the bottle with this dim light. Tonight you hide, tonight you decide your fate, but tomorrow you’ll crawl back into the light and soldier on another day. Oh, but we don’t want to think about that…the cycle is maddening. What kinds of toys are we playing with in this madhouse? Why am I so different? This is all that’s left.

let you down3
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I’m sorry that I let you down

wearing:
hair:  +Spellbound+ x SIIX Pyramids (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier
_CandyDoll_ Layla Dress (*new* @ C88)
_CandyDoll_ Layla Boots (*new* @ C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Insomnia Bento Pose Set
PM & Vibes – Neon Studio Apartment
Fapple- BDSM Tool Box

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Be The Reason

None of us are perfect and most of us live with our share of regrets. I usually say that I have no regrets, because I am where I am because of everything that’s happened to me to get me here. However, that’s not really true. Regardless of where the path had led, if there were things I could go back and change, I would. I would undo the pain I’ve caused others. I would have treated myself better over the years and demanded better from others.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I felt I had a reason to live. You see for the longest time, I wanted to die almost every day. I have my reasons for wanting the sweet comfort of the final act, but I also have my reasons for staying alive. There are days that I struggle with both sides of that coin, but someone always finds a way to remind me why its so good that I am still here.
The first thing I had to do was forgive myself. I think that is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s really easy for me to forgive others. I’m really good at letting go (though I wasn’t always). The thing is we can’t really move through our lives without hurting people from time to time. We don’t always mean to hurt others and we rarely set out to hurt ourselves, but when we carry around toxic thoughts and feelings, that’s exactly what we do. We hurt ourselves.
There’s a song that most of you all know, “The Reason” by Hoobastank. This song came out when I was making some major life changes and it became somewhat of an anthem for me. Its a song that I sing to myself and yes, sometimes I actually sing it to myself in the mirror, because there’s no greater reason to change than to change for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fix you….be the reason you change and those changes will be yours that no one can take from you. Forgive yourself and be the reason to treat yourself better than anyone else ever could. You’ll be surprised how many people follow suit and started treating you better, too.

getting close
Thank you, Aaron. ♥

Aaron is wearing:
FLite. -Trucker Cap
hair: CATWA HEAD Daniel
ears: Stretched ears-Omimi- [MANDALA]
body: [Signature] Gianni – Body
SIG GIANNI Size – CARSON Hoodie by ColdAsh

wearing:
hair: Exile – Wildfire (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set
LYBRA . SORANA

pose: FOXCITY. Close (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

PM & Vibes – Neon Studio Apartment

You’ll See Me Return

Sometimes when I get in the zone of taking photos like I did yesterday, I will turn on one of my youtube playlists and let the music guide me through my personal maze of creativity. This song has been a favorite of mine for so very long. With yesterday being Valentine’s day and finding out that my RL husband has a new girlfriend was uhm….how can I put this delicately? Yeah, there’s not a way, so I’ll just leave it here like a lead weight and you can imagine for yourself. So, while I didn’t link the entire song’s lyrics….yes, it is still mostly a music post.

“And I never meant to hurt you
I swear I didn’t mean
Those things I said
I never meant to do that to you
Next time I’ll keep my hands to myself instead
Oh, does she love you
What do you want to do?
Does she need you like I do?
Do you love her?
Is she good for you?
Does she hold you like I do?
Do you want me?
Should I leave?
I know you’re always telling me
That you love me
Just sometimes I wonder If I should believe
Oh, I love you God,
I love you
I’d kill a dragon for you
I’ll die”
~Sinead O’Connor Troy

GiaRewind Cosmetics
You should’ve left the light on

wearing:
*LODE* Head Accessory – Juliet [iceberg]
hair: Stealthic – Passion (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier
Bossie. Y2K eyeshadows  (*new* @ REWIND)
Bossie. Y2K lipsticks & gloss (*new* @ REWIND)
EF: Majesty Choker (*new* @ FaMESHed)
!Rebel Hope – Gia Mesh Dress (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose is just from my AO

Waking Up

I feel like I’m just waking up to a tornado of lists. I’ve been hard at work on this picture all day. I had it all done and edited. Inserted the photo, was listing the credits and realized that my painting over the fireplace was backwards. No wonder that picture didn’t make sense to me. *giggles* Luckily everything was still in place, including me. So, yeah, that’s all I’ve got to say about it, cuz my head is still swimming like crazy. I’ll be doubling down on blogging, so I can only guess what sort of madness is headed your way from me.

waking up

 

wearing:
hair:  [RA]  Sady Hair (*new* @ C88) squeeeee!
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Kinky)
[Cynful]  Rainy Baby – Hoodie + Panty Set (*new* @ C88)

JIAN Beagle Pup (Nov Luxe Box)

pose:  Bauhaus Movement – Hearts Burst Into Fire Poses (*new* @ TLC)

Fancy Decor: Jansen Collection (*new* @ FaMESHed)
-Fancy Decor: Cube Table
-Fancy Decor: Velvet Swivel Chair (black)
-Fancy Decor: Jansen Candles
-Fancy Decor: Jansen Painting

Fancy Decor: Fulton Coffee Table
Fancy Decor: Fulton Rug
Fancy Decor: Triangle Candle (black)
Fancy Decor: Gray Vase
Fancy Decor: White Vase
Fancy Decor: Black Vase
Fancy Decor: Brush Art
Fancy Decor: Books & Bookends (black & gold)
Fancy Decor: Pillar Fireplace (white)

tres blah– Hodgepodge – Stacked Magazines

MudHoney Carter Entertainment Center Set (*new* @ FaMESHed)
-MudHoney Trophy Bowl
-MudHoney Basket Vase
-MudHoney Bent Candlesticks
-MudHoney Stone Pyramid

PILOT – Book and Tablet Stack
PILOT – Fido [Carbon]

Ariskea [Ophelia] Fake Plant (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Alouette – Antique TV Bookcase (#2)

Apple Fall Huge Fan Palm

My Cup

I have been on my death bed for…well, today is day 6 and I swear this has to end soon or I’m going insane for sure. I was gonna try to write about how blessed I am and how my cup runneth over, but I’m not feeling so blessed right now. At the moment, I’m feeling like fresh road kill that’s still twitching. So, the only thing in my cup right now is cold meds, juice, soup, more cold meds, tea…DEATH.
So, yeah, I don’t have a lot to say except, “KMN!”

my cup

wearing:
hair:  [RA]  Shelby Hair (*new* @ C88)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane
#17 Sintiklia  – Sweet berry – Choker white
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set
[Cynful] Lucid Dream – Bra + Panty set (*new* @ FrouFrou)

I can’t tell you what Leric was wearing, because he’s a butthead and won’t answer questions. I really appreciate his company and his help with this shot.

pose: FOXCITY.. You’re My Cuppa Tea (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

Guitar Man

As soon as I saw this pose from Foxcity, I knew immediately this would be a song post, because what else could it be, an idea born in Satomi’s head began one of those truly transcendent moments. Once again, music says it better than I ever could.  Being a lover or poetry, I often find myself falling in love with the lyrics of a song, sometimes more than the melody. This is one of those songs, that lifts me up and takes me on a little journey back in time….a montage of fading memories…joyous times…broken moments…and escape.

Bread – Guitar Man

Who draws the crowd and plays so loud, baby, it’s the guitar man
Who’s gonna steal the show, you know, baby, it’s the guitar man
He can make you love, he can make you cry
He will bring you down and he’ll get you high
Somethin’ keeps him goin’ miles and miles a day
To find another place to play

Night after night, who treats you right, baby, it’s the guitar man
Who’s on the radio, you go and listen to the guitar man
Then he comes to town and you see his face
And you think you might like to take his place
Somethin’ keeps him driftin’ miles and miles away
Searching for the songs to play

Then you listen to the music and you like to sing along
You want to get the meaning out of each and every song
Then you find yourself a message and some words to call your own and take ’em home

He can make you love, he can get you high
He will bring you down, then he’ll make, make you cry
Somethin’ keeps him movin’, but no one seems to know
What it is that makes him go

Then the lights begin to flicker and the sound is getting dim
The voice begins to falter and the crowds are getting thin
But he never seems to notice, he’s just got to find another place to play

Fade away
Got to play
Fade away
Got to play

write the song

Sady is wearing:
hair:  [RA]  Sady Hair (*new* @ C88) squeeeee!
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair –- MaryJane – Catwa Mesh Head Applier – Jamaica (*new* @ Kinky)
[Cynful]  Rainy Baby – Hoodie + Panty Set (*new* @ C88)
:CULT: SADY UGGS (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Salt is wearing:
hair: Stealthic – Rebellion
head: CATWA HEAD Daniel
body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni – Mesh Body
skin: STRAY DOG – ROCCO – TONE 05 (*new* @ Uber)
Letis Tattoo :: Sapphire Wolf IIk
Legal Insanity  – Owen skinny jeans (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: FOXCITY.Play Me (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)

scene:
FOXCITY. Prop – Messy Mattress (*new* @ Shop Your Heart Out By Linden Labs)
15.erratic  / lsm – magazine & news
Siamese with Photo 2

+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Spilled Fries Box (Red)
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Only A Few Fries
-+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter – Only A Few Fries

.Shi : My Journal [Black]

Fawny – My little puppy – 13

7mad;Ravens  Artists Do It Better

In The Air Tonight

Cuz its one of my favorite bands, its nighttime, I like the original and the cover…and cuz its my blog and I do what I want….yeah….but for real, go listen, cuz Maria Brink? *swoons*

In This Moment – In The Air Tonight (Phil Collins Cover)

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand
I’ve seen your face before my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am
Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been
It’s all been a pack of lies
And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well I remember, I remember, don’t worry, how could I ever forget
It’s the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, oh no you don’t fool me
Well the hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows
It’s no stranger to you and me
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
Well been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord
And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord
Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord

CD Dayonis

wearing:
hair: Stealthic – Ascension
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Imani Applier ( Catwa ) America
tattoo: .Identity. Body Shop – Rise Again
[Atomic] Kitten Collar
=Zenith=Victoria lace glove (*new* @ C88)
_CandyDoll_ Dayanis
_CandyDoll_ Fate Boots

pose by Bauhaus Movement
[Cubic Cherry] {Ficceh} lovely corner DARK (*new* @ Seasons Story)

Swamplandia!

“No, I don’t have to tell a soul about this, I promised myself. When you are a kid, you don’t know yet that a secret, like an animal, can evolve. Like an animal, a secret can develop a self-preserving intelligence. Shaglike, mute and thick, a knowledge with a fur: your secret.”
― Karen RussellSwamplandia!

That’s just a really deep quote from one of my favorite books. It stands all on its own and makes beautiful, perfect sense to me. In the book, the context is quite complex. I’ve not met anyone else that’s ever read it though. I chose the quote for personal reasons, but the book it comes from kinda fits the picture…so, yeah, that’s about it. *laughs*

swamplandia

wearing:
hair: pr!tty – Emma (*new* @ Pocket Gacha)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Imani Applier ( Catwa ) America
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set (*new* @ C88)
BUENO-Crochet Top (*New* @ K9)
BUENO-Crochet Skirt (*New* @ K9)
_CandyDoll_ Alyona Boots  (*New* @ K9)

pose: FOXCITY. Carefree Bento Pose Set (*new* @Tres Chic)

scene:
Modulus – Abandoned Kiosk
7 – Do Not Feed Alligators
7 – 25 Cent Shots

Go F*ck Thyself

Today we’re going to play a little game. You guys know that comedian Jeff Foxworthy and his tag line…If you blah blah blah….you might be a redneck. Or his buddy, Bill Engvall, the way he talks about stupid people should come with a sign and suggests people we should pass them out to? Well, today, we’re going to do a Sady version! That’s right! Ready? Here we go….

Do you tell people you don’t want a relationship, but get mad if they fuck someone other than you? Go Fuck Thyself.
If you think that you’re some sort of superstar because you are popular on SL Flickr feeds? Go Fuck Thyself.
If you go out of your way to hurt someone by saying things about their RL, whether true or not….Go Fuck Thyself.
If you think that someone belongs to you, because you called dibs years ago, but never actually dated….Go Fuck Thyself.
If you ever submit ANYTHING to SL Secrets….Go Fuck Thyself.
If you announce you are leaving SL/FB ever other week…Go Fuck Thyself.
Do you pick to go into a relationship, knowing you aren’t going to be about much? Go Fuck Thyself.
If you’re constantly criticizing designers in SL when you can’t even rez a box without an instruction manual. Go Fuck Thyself.
If you send random pics of your genitalia to strangers. Go Fuck Thyself.
If you can’t accept your ex doesn’t want you back and stalk them and their partner. Go Fuck Thyself…no really, Bryn? Please go fuck thyself.
If you use multiple alts to cheat on the person you claim to love…Go Fuck Thyself
If you use the death of a friend to create a product that you sell and profit from in SL…Go Fuck Thyself
If you lie about being sick (like cancer) to get attention. Go Fuck Thyself.
If you lie about the death of a loved one, just to get someone to talk to you. Go Fuck Thyself.
If you follow an ex all over the grid while pretending to be happy with your current partner. Go Fuck Thyself.

Wow, this list really could be endless…I had my friends toss a few of those out for me….feel free to add your own in the comments. Who knows, I can very well see me doing something like this again in the future.

gft

Sady is wearing:
hair:  Tableau Vivant \\ Elly hair (*new* @ Kustom9)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Imani Applier ( Catwa ) Jamaica
[MANDALA]KAHUKUIHUKU Necklace (*new* @ Uber)
^^Swallow^^ Indira Face Jewellery (*new* @ Kustom9)
=Zenith=Victoria lace glove (*new* @ Collabor88)
(Yummy) Bohemia Ring Set (*new* @ Collabor88)
ChicModa // Robin (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)

pose: GingerFish Poses – Birdy
floorplan. neon go fuck yourself

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