I will never understand how people can be so careless with the people they supposedly love. Or how callous they can be with other people’s emotions. Why would you allow someone to fall in love with you just so you can turn around and walk away? Would they let someone step off the ledge of a 100 ft drop? I mean, if you would, then you should avoid all human contact, because you are a monster. Yet, if you allow someone to fall in love with you knowing you don’t feel the same way, you might as well push them off the roof. The feeling is the same. Oh sure it sounds dramatic, but if you’ve ever truly had your heart broken, you know that there is nothing that will EVER heal those wounds. Those are permanent scars. They will never go away. Here’s something people don’t seem to understand about scar tissue. Scar tissue is numb on the surface. It no longer feels. You have to dig beneath that immediate surface to get to the nerves that will sense pain/pleasure. So, the most scarred a heart becomes, the more difficult it becomes to feel anything…ANYTHING.
It has taken me years to get to a place where I’ve allowed someone else into my heart and he’s all too aware of the walls he has yet to conquer. Honestly, I doubt he ever will conquer them. I’m not sure anyone can. I’m not sure there’s anything beyond those walls worth finding anyway. Which is probably why things are working out with Derrek, to be fair. It’s not something either of us take lightly, but we are honest with each other about our feelings. We’ve known each other for years and I have accepted one another’s scars, guarded walls and all. This is the best I can hope for and I am so very blessed that he’s willing to love me despite the restrictions. Fortunately, he has a real life that will hopefully balance things out for him.
As for the rest of you out there, dating…falling in and out of love…be careful, please. Don’t be careless with one another, because you cannot begin to know how truly fragile another person can be. Just treat each other the way you’d want to be treated, it really is just THAT simple.
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