Moments

“I, I’m not the prettiest you’ve ever seen
But I have my moments, I have my moments
Not the flawless one, I’ve never been
But I have my moments, I have my moments
I can get a little drunk, I get into all the drugs
But on good days I am charming as fuck”
~ Tove Lo –  Moments

That really sums me up pretty damn well. Or it used to. I don’t drink or drug too often anymore. I think at some point, I just realized that I kinda like being sober and in control. Drugs and alcohol can numb the pain for a bit, but the best way not to feel is to just go to sleep. Everything will still be there in the morning.

wearing:
hair:  DOUX – Lawrence hairstyle
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber

^^Swallow^^ Princess Ears
^^Swallow^^ Princess Bento Rings
^^Swallow^^ Magic Necklace

UC_Tina_dress (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
[Gos] Khloe Buckle Platforms (*new* @ Uber)

pose created using Anypose
location Elysion

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

 

Trust Issues

“I’m just letting you know I’m emotionally unavailable
I’d love to reciprocate your love but I’m incapable
I know that you don’t get it, but I’m just so unstable
And all I could think about is how you’d be unfaithful
You think that I am crazy
But that, that does not phase me
And no, you cannot change me
Just know you cannot save me”
~ Olivia O’Brien – Trust Issues

I really want to elaborate on how deeply the quoted lyrics above hit home. There has only been ONE man in my entire life that has not betrayed me and that was my maternal Grandfather. I honestly do not believe he ever would have either. Granted, I was only 7yrs old the last time I saw him before he died, but the way my mother talks about him…well, I have to believe he never would have betrayed me. He was amazing the had the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Every other man in my life has hurt me by making me feel less than worthy. Every man I’ve dated has cheated either with me or on me. Yes, I said with me. You see, I learned my lesson about the betrayal early on. So, in my early 20s, I wouldn’t date a man that didn’t have a woman at home. Why? Because at that time, I would have rather been the woman he cheats with than the woman he cheats on. I was treated exceptionally well by those men and had no restrictions. They couldn’t very well insist on monogamy from me when they were going home to fuck someone else, now could they?
I’m not saying there aren’t some good, honest men out there. All I can say is that they’ve not been men I dealt with for very long. Perhaps its the type of men I’m attracted to. I can accept that. Regardless of why, it comes down to this one thing. I am incapable of trusting a man romantically. I tried to last year, but like all the rest….that led to betrayal and the shattered remains of a heart that wasn’t even healed from the last betrayal. The promises people make when they think they’re in love….hmmmm, I don’t know, I suppose the old addage, “Promises were made to be broken,” has proven to be true….at least in my life. So, trust issues? Nah, more like a full blown subscription to NTA….never trust anyone.

wearing:
hair:  Vanity Hair::Baccara
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber

^^Swallow^^ Princess Bento Rings
^^Swallow^^ Magic Necklace

Tee*fy Jenna Tube Top
Blueberry – Aria – Stylized Pants
REIGN.- BECKY STUDDED BOOTS

pose: Foxcity. Sass Bento Pose Set
location: Route66

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Uncomfortably Numb

If you are in Second Life and have any type of social media page associated with your avatar’s name, chances are that you’ve read about one designer stealing from another or just selling things illegally. A few months ago, I was crushed when I found out that one of my favorite home & garden stores had been uploading template meshes from external websites and passing them off as her own. I knew something had changed from earlier years, as her poses were no longer lined up. They were clearly tossed in haphazardly and little concern was given to customers that might actually put those animations to use. My immediate reaction was to delete every item in my inventory that I had ever purchased from her. I felt so betrayed. Not only because of all the money I’d spent with her, but because I had spoken with her on several occasions. Each and every time I spoke with her, I would tell her how much I admired her work. Turned out not to be her work at all. Now, in this particular case, she came forward, admitted her wrongs, and subsequently seemed to disappear from all events. Her store is still open, but its been redone completely. I haven’t bothered to check what’s left of her “designs,” because she lost my trust. I have literally spent hundreds of dollars in her store. I will never see that money again. That’s fine, but so far as I know, she won’t see another dime from me, either.
There have been multiple accusations against a popular hair & skin designer on the grid as well. However, in the past when DMCAs have been properly filed against a designer for theft, Linden Labs has been rather prompt in removing both the offending designer and his/her designs. Eventually, all the finger pointing died down and things seem to be going well for that designer. There seems to be no more finger pointing in that direction.
NOW we are being told that one popular hair designer has been stealing from another for over two years! I am mortified and stunned. Once again, I’ve spent hundreds of dollars in this store. I’m sitting here looking at the 70+ folders of hair I’ve purchased from the accused store and I’m left wondering, “Now what?”
I can’t be the only one sitting her uncomfortably numb to the whole designer theft situation wondering where to go from here. Am I obligated to delete all these hairs that I bought in good faith? I’d love to hear how others are dealing with issues like this.

wearing:
hair:  MINA – Hazel  (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber

Kibitz – Deluxe earrings
Scandalize.SABRINA. CAT
Vinyl – Hellershanks Sweater Dress (*new* @ Uber)
Vinyl – Winehouse Tartan Skinnys

pose: Bauhaus Movement – NoisebastardZ set

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

 

Cat Herder

“It checks you in and kicks you down,
And chews you up and spits you out.
It messes with your sanity by twisting all your thoughts around.
They say it’s blind they say it waits but every time it seals your fate.
And now it’s got you by the balls it won’t let go until you fall.
I was down and out, got up I said “Hey love I’ve had enough!”
I’ve felt pleasure without pain.
My soul you’ll never tame!

Love bites, but so do I.”
~ Halestorm – Love Bites (So Do I)

I think this is the longest I’ve ever been single in Second Life, aside from when I was married in RL. I’ve dated a bit here and there, but nothing has stuck for more than a week. God forbid I have a life aside from sitting around waiting for someone to complete me. The last two men I’ve dated felt that me not answering within a 30-120 second window was disrespectful. Well, I got news for ya, fellas. I have a life. I’m complete all by myself and while I am naturally submissive, I will NOT roll over and play dead just because you’re online. I’ve been in Second Life for 12 years. I’ve made a few friends. I’ve got a few jobs. I have a lot of interests AND I chase squirrels/shinies. Apparently, that’s too much for some people.
I do know that it can be annoying, but most people either get it and embrace it or they move on. I play Guild Wars 2 with one of my best friends and he has told me that he feels like he’s herding cats when he plays with me. *laughs* I’m always running off in the wrong direction to look at something new or chasing materials for crafting. See? He embraces my inner cat and so do my other close friends. I do know it can be aggravating, because believe it or not, one of my friends is worse than me. I won’t call any names today, but if she’s not paying attention I know she’s been captured Facebook.
So, despite being very lonely at times, especially with the holiday season quickly approaching…I’m just going to enjoy myself with whoever I want, whenever I want. Anyone that has an issue with that can file a report with my keeper. Oh, wait, that’s right, I don’t have one. *giggles* That’s right, I do what I want! Remember that.

I wish you a day filled with love & laughter. ♥

wearing:
hair:  Sintiklia – Hair Sheba
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

*Vanilla Bae* Annie Sweater (*new* @ Equal10)
{vincue} Mely+Undie
Eudora3D Domina Boots (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)

FOXCITY. Late Night Bento Pose Set

SAYO Sin – Crimson Dreams Backdrop
::GB::Black Panther D

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

Skyscraper

“You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper”
~Kerli – Skyscraper

As humans, we take a lot of punches throughout our lives. Yet, with each passing day, we either grow stronger or weaker. Ultimately, the choice is ours. Mentally and emotionally, I’ve definitely grown stronger. My body? Eh, not so much. I should have taken better care of it when I was younger, but I was invincible and never imagined I’d live past 30. Here I am dealing with level 8 pain daily as the weather changes. Yet, the emotional and mental tolls have been far more difficult to face.
There have been times that I’ve felt as fragile as glass, as delicate as tissue paper, and I’ve been beaten down both literally and figuratively. But each and every time, so far, I’ve gotten up. I’ve gained strength from the pain. In fact, there are times that by keeping my pain to myself and not complaining about it, by not showing it to the world, that I can borrow from it….channel it into strength. I’ve siphoned power from the pain to keep going. Perhaps I’m a bit stubborn, too. I feel like if anyone is going to genuinely take credit for me falling apart, its going to be me. So, until I’m ready to curl up with the worms for eternity, I will continue to rise like a skyscraper.

***If you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Dove (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

EF: Acanthus Headpiece (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
EF: Acanthus Mask (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
[The Forge] Xane Collar, Black (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
Legal Insanity – Mistress dress (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
_CandyDoll_ Claudia Boots (*new* @ C88)

pose: FOXCITY. Sass Bento Pose Set

Paparazzi – BACKDROP – Grime Block Balcony
BUENO-NightSpot Loft Building-Regular

Coffee House

“Wrap me in your arms
I can’t feel it but
Wrap me in your arms
I can’t feel it but…”
~Sylvan Esso – Coffee

I’ve always love quaint, comfy locally owned coffee shops. Long before Starbucks put itself in ever Target and strip mall they could fine, before Dunkin was better know for their coffee than their donuts, there were these amazing little coffee shops in my area. They made you feel at home. The coffee was great, the people were great, the atmosphere was great. Though each coffee house had its own energy and style, each one was equally welcoming. Sadly, when Starbucks and Dunkin popped up everywhere with their fancy little drive thru windows…and life got busier…and I pulled away from my friends…well, I don’t even remember the last time I was in one of those coffee houses.
I’m adding a little tagline/side note to end of each blog going forward, because my blog posts are being stolen for another site. ***So, please know if you are reading this on any site that suggests this post was originally published anywhere but SadyStyle by anyone other than Sadystika Sabretooth, you are reading a stolen post.

outside: BUENO-City Block-Regular

scene created in Room 143 – The [Den.]

uk – Autumn’s Hall Decorative Screen (GO by FaMESHed)
uk – Autumn’s Hall Console Table (GO by FaMESHed)
uk – Autumn’s Hall Table Lamp (GO by FaMESHed)
uk – Autumn’s Hall Deco Balls Bowl (GO by FaMESHed)
uk – Autumn’s Hall Hat Stand (GO by FaMESHed)

{what next} Colonna Hot Chocolate Station – Full Set
{what next} Colonna Hot Chocolate Bar Wall Decor (lit)

crate Repurposed Wall Cabinet ~ Cream (GO by FaMESHed)

SHADES – Tufted Sofa Adult (*new* @ ULTRA)
SHADES – Tufted Ottoman Adult (*new* @ Blueprint)
SHADES – Tufted Chair

JIAN Countryside Collies :: Family Rug

*PAN* Summer of Love Orb Curtain (Amber)

dust bunny . spotted begonia
dust bunny . pink medinilla plant
dust bunny . potted bromeliad
dust bunny . pilea peper plant
dust bunny . potted rubber tree

Apple Fall Althea Rug – Antique Dark
Apple Fall Coffee & Muffin
{af} Tied Books

*Second Spaces* 4across set
*Second Spaces* backgammon set

=EliBaily= Book Stack Decor

15.erratic / lsm – magazine & news
28.erratic / cwe – stack of books 1

{vespertine -used suitcase books}

–tres blah– Hodgepodge – Stacked Magazines

RATS!

Some days I think I’d be better off hanging out with rats than most of the men I meet. I realize I’m no spring chicken in her 20s or even 30s, but the caliber of male personalities in Second Life is severely lacking. It’s no damn wonder women have thrown in the good girl towel and started going for what they need, rather than what they want. Men have been doing it for centuries, but let a woman go seek some self-gratification with a stranger and she gets herself a reputation. To hell with that, these days even the one night stand is likely to disappoint.
I’d love to see some of the men in SL put a bit more effort into courting a woman. Then again, why should they? If they wait long enough, they’ll be surrounded by thirsty sluts, hungry whores, and desperate housewives begging for it. See? I just did it myself, labeled batches of women with bad names. To hell with that! I say if you’re thirsty, get you a drink! If you’re hungry, grab a meal! If you’re desperate…uhm, yeah, maybe see a therapist? I don’t think that’s a healthy attitude to have when making decisions about sex. In the meantime, learn to take care of your own needs. We all know how. We’ve all done it and there’s certainly no harm in that…unless you nasty. So, don’t be nasty.
Yes, I am rambling, just letting my mind go where it wants. I have been up all night and I’ve thought about what to write and this is where I landed. There’s some super cute stuff out there, right now….so go shopping! I’m wishing you all a day filled with love & laughter. ♥

When I used to go out I’d know everyone I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all

wearing:
hair:  Wasabi // Grier Mesh Hair (GO by FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

Dahlia – Virgin Mary Necklace (*new* @ Uber)
Dahlia – Haze – Earrings (*new* @ Uber)

Legal Insanity – Zara top (*new* @ Dubai)
Blueberry – Frank Jeans – Full Length
[ae] Straight Jacket Shoes

JIAN Rascal Rats 1. Shoulder Companion (*new* @ Epiphany)
JIAN Rascal Rats 4. White Companion (*new* @ Epiphany)

pose: SSP – Corner Time (*new* @ Pose Fair)

A Life On Display

These days, its really easy to compare our lives to the lives of others, especially when so many people are constantly making their private lives public. With all these social media friends posting the best bits of their lives, its really easy to slip into a  state of depression. What’s important to remember is that we’re only seeing the highlight reel of those lives. We’re not being shown the 99% of life that isn’t beautiful and wonderful. Often times, what we’re being shown isn’t even real. Those happy family photos? Behind the scenes the kids hate their parents or the happy couple fights. Perhaps one of them is even cheating.
I remember several years ago catching up with a girl from high school on my RL Facebook. Her life looked so amazing. Her photos and descriptions on Facebook made her family look amazing. Two great kids and an adoring husband. The more we hung out the more truths that came out. She was a closet alcoholic having an affair with her ex-boyfriend online at night after her husband and children went to bed. One of her kids was special needs and really difficult to deal with. Her house was a complete mess. To be honest, her whole life was a mess. This was not at all what she portrayed with the photos and stories she presented on social media.
It turned out that she was nothing like the person she had presented herself to be and I couldn’t be around her, knowing that she was lying to the whole world. Honestly, it was the alcoholism and cheating on her husband that I couldn’t condone. I quickly distanced myself from her and started taking a closer look at what people presented on social media. What I learned from all of this is that we simply cannot compare our actual lives with the highlight reels of people we hardly know. It’s dangerous to our psyches and its not realistic.
With our lives on display, we all have a responsibility to be more honest with one another. With that I wish you all much love & laughter. ♥

wearing:
hair:  MINA – Kim (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)
Wicca’s Wardrobe – Kaenis Lingerie (*new* @ RLD)

scene:
Dahlia – Solitary Confinement Cloche – Gold (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)
***pose used is in the Cloche

E.V.E Dystopia Flowers-Eye Ghost
E.V.E Dystopia Flowers-Eye
E.V.E KOI (MOD) Square Confetti Ring

Guarantees in Life

There are few guarantees in life, but one thing is for sure. You will get hurt. You will find yourself in some of the darkest places imaginable right in your own head. You will eventually die. And no matter who you are if you have tits bigger than a B cup and you sleep in a tank top, you will wake up with one tit out. It never fails.

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Meow
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
eyes & shadow: [ Conviction ] Living Dead Doll
face & partial body applier: S.E CATWA + OMEGA RIDE OF THE DEAD MASK APPLY 01 (*new* @ Kustom9) ***includes Diamonds and black crown attachment-not shown

LYBRA . XL STILETTO NAILS
: CULT : Dark Side Rings

*Vanilla Bae* Holly Shirt & Cardi: (*new* @ FaMESHed)
[VALE KOER] WAIST PANTIES
**UTOPIA@Design** – “XILA” (*new* @ X by FaMESHed)

pose: FOXCITY. Bad Kitty Bento Pose Set

scene:
JIAN Spoiled Rotties 12. Skeleton Pup Companion (*new* @ Epiphany)

Quasi – Dripping with Sin – 3D Painting

crate Travelor’s Trolley (*new* @ Blueprint)

Rounded Bed (Adult) CHEZ MOI (*new* @ ULTRA)

[La Baguette] Voodoo doll (deco) (*new* @ Salem)
:::ChicaChica::: Holy blood Cocktail tray REZZ (*new* @ Salem)

drd phantom broken mirror

Fapple– Always Prepared- Side Table
Fapple– BDSM Tool Box

striped mocha – hanging lotuses – black

Suicide Test

My real life is a freaking mess and certainly not what I had hoped it would be by my age. However, if I don’t give thanks for the little things, I simply wouldn’t be able to pull myself from the edge of suicide. It sounds severe and dramatic, but I assure you that its something I think about regularly. AND from the age of 12 until I was 22, I was attempted it regularly. Clearly, I failed at that like so many things in my life. It was my last attempt that changed everything. I was lying in the ICU, barely conscious when I had an epiphany for what I now call my Suicide Test. I have yet to pass this test, therefore, I have not been able to attempt suicide again since.
It’s quite simple actually. It’s a 30 day test, so patience is key, but if you’re planning to die, what’s 30 more days, yeah? So, look at the clock. For me, its 9:19pm on Sept 19. Now, if I do not find a single moment of joy between now and 9:19pm on Oct 19th, I can proced with my suicide attempt. However, you have to understand the true nature of joy and what all that entails. That means you must want to die for every second of ever minute of every hour of every day for 30 days straight. That means you cannot enjoy a single moment of your life for even a second or the clock starts over. So, if a meme makes you laugh or even smile or silently chuckle. Clock restarts. You tasted something wonderful and thought to yourself how good that was? Clock restarts. You stepped in the shower and exhaled with relief as that hot water poured over you. Clock restarts.
You see, if you had killed yourself upon that first notion, you would have missed that simple moment of joy. If you would have missed something as simple as a cluster of butterflies dancing over your head, then you surely would have missed the smile you bring to other people’s faces. And let’s face it, no matter how awful you think your life is…you make someone smile and someone loves you.

wearing:
hair:  MINA – Karen (*new* for Go by FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [theSkinnery] Amber (*new* @ C88)

BONDI . The Gentleman Sunglasses . (*new* @ ManCave)
–:zk:– Ashlee Suit (*new* @ ULTRA)
BUENO-Weekend Heels (*new* @ Kustom9)

pose:  GingerFish Pose – Moth set (*new* @ Pose Fair)

{what next} Waterfront Dock & Pier Set
Skye Windswept Tree Type