I Can’t Help But Wonder…

I’m pretty sure most of us have heard or possibly even said something along the lines of dying happy if we died during sex. However, given that these days lots of people do voice sex, not just in SL, but all sorts of long distant relationships, right? I can’t speak for everyone, but I’ve had some damn good sex that way. Well, if you know me, you know where this is going…*laughs*
I cannot help but wonder if someone was to have a heart attack and die while having voice sex, particularly with someone in SL that has no clue of their actual location or address. AND what if said person, now dead person, lives alone?? Cuz this is something I joke about, too. I joke about being the old lady they find after the neighbors complain about the smell coming from my condo, they come in and find my animals eating my face. So, combine that scenario with HOW I might die…so yeah, let’s say it’s me. I die all happy during voice sex, but my body isn’t discovered for days or weeks, but when it is…there I am, some old wrinkled half rotted body lying there clutching my toys. Can you imagine the horror of the people who find me? Can you just imagine the stories they will tell their friends and laugh about for years to come? I’d be okay with that. Knowing that long after I’m dead, I’m still making people laugh. Well, if you couldn’t imagine it before, you have now. You’re welcome. *giggles & prances off*

wearing:
hair:  :::Phoenix::: Aimy Hair  (May FaMESHed Go)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Viktoria Applier
**Sexy Princess** Sweetest Sin Bodysuit Black (Includes shoes)
.:Avanti:. Classique Nylons – Black

pose by Bauhaus Movement (edited with AnyPose)
SAYO – Century Sofa – Straight Banquette

FMD Membership

Y’all should know by now that I’m a freak with a wide range of interests. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that I absolutely love FMD. It really doesn’t matter which name you use, Fuck Me Daddy or Feed My Desire, FMD is the classiest adult club on the grid. You may have read about it on slsecrets, but as those of us with a brain know….haters are a sign of success. FMD does have private membership, but this club is so laid back that it opens on weekends to the public. That’s right, you do not need a membership to enjoy this amazing club.
However, here’s what you can enjoy with a membership:
1. Gifts, that’s right there are group gifts from sponsors just like this lingerie I’m wearing from Kaithleen’s.
2. You will meet thousands of like minded people.
3. There are game rooms, sex rooms, sitting areas, this is truly a classy place.
4. It’s a safe place to go during the week. There’s no events or spam, just groups of people, some are afk, some are talking on voice, some are sitting around enjoying one another’s company.
5. You get to see some of the most beautiful avatars on the grid.
6. You are guaranteed to make some incredible friends and nudity isn’t an issue for anyone.

If you’re unsure about whether or not you’re interested in joining. Come to one of the themed parties on a Saturday night. You can keep up with the club by watching their flickr or their Facebook page.

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Boyfriend (*new* in mainstore)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Viktoria Applier

–SU!– Piercing Set 06 Septum
–SU!– Piercing Set 06 Spiked Nose Studs
–SU!– Piercing Set 06 Snakebites
::Axix:: Noct.Collar
**RE** Evva Body Piercing – Maitreya – Arms
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings
Kaithleen’s Modest Lingerie – Aqua (FMD Group Gift)
[Cynful] Stripper Body Dust

pose by Bauhaus Movement
Stockholm&Lima:Better With You Platform Bed

Not This Time

Each time  some one hurts me, each time my heart is broken, and left scarred…it gets harder and harder to even believe in true love, at least not for me. My close friends know what a hard time I’m having in the real these days. Yes, SL is my escape. Yes, my real life is pretty sad and a whole lot of scary right now. My husband and I have been separated but sharing a home for over two years. He had his room, I had mine. There were times that I was hopeful that we might could work it out. He has recently moved out and moved in with the woman with whom his affair was the end of our marriage.
There are times when I am grateful for what I have and do my best to stay positive. There are times that I take great comfort in violent fantasies. Most of all I wake up each day disappointed that it not just a bad dream. This nightmare is my reality.
I’m dealing with a grocery list of health issues that will never get better. I live in constant physical pain. I’m not writing this to complain or whine. I’m writing this to explain why I’ve decided to live the remainder of my days as a free spirit. I refuse to be tied down to things I no longer believe in.
I never wanted to get married, because I’ve never seen a successful marriage. I suck at relationships, ask any of my exes, they’ll agree. I can and do love, very deeply. Its being loved that I struggle with and it never fails that the minute I start to believe that I might just be worthy of that same love in return that I am proven wrong, each and every time. I’ve been drawn to relationships all my life. I hate feeling lonely, but the truth is…I’m not alone. I have some wonderful friends. That’s all I need. I will not seek out another romantic relationship, not this time.
Yes, I am broken, but I am broken beyond mending. I’ve accepted that and the people that I’m closest to are aware of it, too. I’ve accepted my plight and learning to let go of a dream is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m awake now. I won’t repeat my mistakes again and again…not this time…well, not for a very long time, at least. *sighs* I really mean this stuff when I say it, you know?
Deva, stop laughing. Dusty, stop rolling your eyes…I swear they’re going to roll right out of your head one day. Sora, distract him, will ya? Tracy, Grace, Kess….you cunts, just shut the hell up. *sighs* I hear you giggling, Luca. Ame, whoop her, will ya? Nikole, get the duct tape, you get it, right?

We started out as lonely hearts
We started with a promise built on highs
You said I was the missing part
Looked into my eyes said
“You’re my fix for life”

wearing:
hair: MINA – Noah  (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Viktoria Applier
[Avenge] Rosary necklace double (F) – pearls (*new* @ MOM)
JIAN Chinchilla :: Hand Held
Kaithleen’s Irina Top (*new* @ ShinyShabby)

pose: an lar [poses] The Cordelia Series
taikou / summer night backdrop (*new* @ Uber)

 

 

Not For Rent

Whether its an sl rumor, some fake ass hater written post on slsecrets, or a full on Facebook attack, we could all learn something from the celebrities in Hollywood. Stop feeding the trolls. These cyber bullies can only take up space in our heads if we let them and I don’t know about you, but there are no vacancies in mine. The space in my head is not for rent and I’m damn sure not going to let someone take up residence there for free. The only power these wretched people have over you is the power you give them. They feed off your fury, your misery, and your pain. Take that away from them and they will surely starve. They crave that reaction. They crave the attention. No more. Turn on that no vacancies sign and tell these people that space in your mind is not for rent. You’ll be amazed at how quickly they go away.

wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Cherry
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Ears Silence BLACK
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

Scandalize.Hanna.TOP (*new* @ TresChic)
Scandalize.Hanna.JEANS (*new* @ TresChic)
Scandalize.HannaHeels (*new* @ TresChic)

pose created using AnyPose

secne:
[MF] Beautiful suitcase closed
DRD – Boho Backyard – Hewett Chair – Two

Topless Tuesdays & Vanilla Bae

So, a lot of clubs in SL, especially adult ones, have Topless Tuesdays, but I’ve found no other club that makes it as fun as FMD. Naturally, you all know I hang out there quite a bit and that I’m a kinky bitch. Thus, it cannot surprise you that I look forward to Tuesdays. However, as I do have other responsibilities, it is sometimes difficult or just a pain in the arse to change tops every time I need to run elsewhere on a Tuesday. Lo and behold, I have found the most delicious solution. Thanks to Vanilla Bae, we now have a selection of interactive clothing that allows us to go from topless, back to modest with the click of a button. To make it even better, you can set it to private or public, or even assign users. How freaking cool is that? Its not just for tops either, this outfit I’m wearing will slide the panties over, too. Talk about convenience!!
So, if you’re a member at FMD, grab you some Vanilla Bae and c’mon over! If you’re not, I really think you should be. It’s an awesome club, plus I hang out there….duh, so you know its gotta be awesome! Oh and did I mention that Vanilla Bae is one of the sponsors at FMD? So, come to one of our parties on a Saturday night, make sure you dress in theme, you might just win!

wearing:
hair:  #Foxy – Sugar Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Ears Silence BLACK
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

–SU!– Piercing Set 05 Bridge
–SU!– Bento Piercing Set 03 Nose Rings
CODE-5 Pamerale
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings
–SECRETS– Danita Nipple Chain
e.marie // Flask – Vodka

Tee*fy Eden Shrug – Black
* Vanilla Bae * Lauren Top & Panty (*new* @ equal10)

pose by Del May

Paparazzi – Slum Riverside – BACKDROP – green (*new* @ Limit8)

Click of a Button

I always find it rather amusing when people in SL make fun of each other for being so different from their avatars in real life. I’m not talking about playing the opposite sex, children, furries/animals, or any of the fantasy based looks like vampires and lycans. Isn’t that the entire point of SL? To be whoever or whatever you want? I’m not thin or tan in RL, nor do I have dark hair. I can’t click a button and be across town in an instant. I can’t fly across town or around the stores. So, why does it matter what someone is outside of SL? I’m not saying we shouldn’t share our lives with one another, but to use someone’s RL like a weapon of destruction? Well, its just silly and mean.
One of the reasons I love Second Life is how I can do things here that I can no longer do in RL. I’m allergic to the sun, seriously. I burn every summer. I have to take a prescription of Vitamin D, because of it. I love being out in the sun, but it literally hurts me…my skin, my eyes. Dancing and stairs…they are murder on my knees. I still push myself to do both activities from time to time, but I pay hell for it. I can find plenty of drama in the real life. It’s all over television. Local to national politics offer more than anyone’s fair share. Hell, I’m an Atheist living in Alabama, all I have to do is talk to someone about religion.
That’s why I don’t understand why people feel the need to come to SL to hate, to be cruel and look for a fight. Surely anyone can find all of that and more in the real. Why not live and let live when we come here to the virtual? *shrugs* While the haters are over there trying to bully people around with the power weaponry of their keyboards, I’ll be lying on my virtual beach enjoying the virtual sun with the perfect body and the ability to change my hair color, skin color, eye color, etc., with the click of a button.

wearing:
hair: ..Olive. the Sami Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
{le fil casse} Annika Play Set

pose: *hangs her head* I forgot, but probably Foxcity

I’m Hooked

Have you ever met someone that lures you in…as if they cast a spell on you? One taste of their lips makes you weak in the knees. That first time you make love is like a first hit of heroin. You would do just about anything to feel them inside you one more time….to hear those delicious words in your ear…to feel their hands roaming over you body. If you close your eyes, you can picture it like it was just last night. I have and I’m hooked.

Hurts me the most when I wake
I fumble and twist, ’til the truth starts to click
There’s so much space in this bed
These sheets go for miles: dreams of your smile

wearing:
hair: RAMA.SALON – Hayley Hair  (May FaMESHed Go)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings
Violetility – Ruffle Collar

Scandalize.Jennifer-TOP. (May Pocket Gacha)
Scandalize.Jennifer-SKIRT (May Pocket Gacha)
Scandalize.Jennifer-HEELS (May Pocket Gacha)

pose created using AnyPose
Stockholm&Lima:Better With You Platform Bed (*new* @ ROMP)

Yes, I Am

I don’t know too many women that don’t relate to this song, at least parts of it. The only thing I’d change is the part about being a mother, unless you count my fur babies. I’m not a mother and I don’t want to be. I’ve already raised one woman’s son and that didn’t fair too well for me. I won’t do that again. I learned that lesson the hard way. Make no mistake, I’m very much a brat, so we can just replace mother with brat and this fits me to a tee. Youtube link is at the bottom of the page, but here are the lyrics.

Meredith Brooks ~ Bitch

I hate the world today
You’re so good to me
I know but I can’t change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I’m an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you’d be so confused
I don’t envy you
I’m a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I’m going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won’t mean a thing

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season’s already changing
I think it’s cool, you do what you do
And don’t try to save me

I’m a bitch, I’m a lover
I’m a child, I’m a mother
I’m a sinner, I’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell, I’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know you wouldn’t want it any other way

I’m a bitch, I’m a tease
I’m a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I’m your angel undercover
I’ve been numb, I’m revived
Can’t say I’m not alive
You know I wouldn’t want it any other way

wearing:
hair:  Lamb.. Wait (*new* in mainstore)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Viktoria Applier

{le fil casse} Midnight Bodysuit (*new* @ The Fantasy Collective)
–Narcisse– Taylor Skirt (FaMESHed Go)

pose by Bauhaus Movement (edited with AnyPose)

[Kres] Love Lights – Brat

Is It Wrong?

I find myself tossing this subject around a lot in my head. People in SL and I guess in RL, too…they all seem to be in a hurry to find a special someone. Some think they are looking for THE special someone, but I’m not so sure. I think from time to time we find A special person that we mesh perfectly with and so it goes, until we grow apart, right? Cuz that’s what happens isn’t it? As I approach my 11yr RL anniversary, I find myself thinking about this a lot. He cheated on me a few years ago, we tried to work through it, but it just didn’t work out. We’re just not IN love anymore. We’re friends, but he’s moved out and we’re just kinda taking our time about the divorce. There are a lot of details being left out here, of course, but the divorce is imminent. He’s living with HER. He seems happy and mostly, I am happy for him. However, there were decisions made a few years into our marriage that are holding us both hostage now.
I’ve never seen an everlasting love in person. I’ve heard about them, but I’ve never witnessed one. Broken homes and families aren’t new. Both of my parents are in their 70s, both of them grew up in broken homes. Hell, my father never knew his father. He knew who he was, but had no interaction with him. I’m not so sure humans were designed to be monogamous. I sometimes think that’s just something society created for whatever reason, but if you look back in history…well, humans have always been a lustful species. So, if you find yourself in love…enjoy it while it last, but don’t spend so much time worrying about if or when it will end. Just assume it will….someday…even if its till death do you part….one of you will go first. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are capable of loving more than one person at a time. We’re just a greedy lot and don’t like to share. I get that…hell, I never had to share as an only child.
Meh, I’m just going to enjoy what’s left of my life the best way I can and I’m going to let myself fall in love or lust or whatever emotional holes I find myself tripping into, because its all of those feelings that remind me that I’m alive. Is it wrong that I’m just ready to live out the rest of my days as a free spirit?

A funny little thing about love is that you’re blind for the time
And even when you think you had enough
You’re wanting more, it isn’t right but
You can’t stop

wearing:
hair: Lamb. Gossip (May FaMESHed Go)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER
(Yummy) Free Spirit Rings (*new* @ C88)
*AvaWay* GWEN Ribbon Corset CHOKER
_CandyDoll_ Yuki Top (*new* @ Mainstore)
{le fil casse} Yuna Skirt (*new* @ Mainstore)
_CandyDoll_ Yuki Heels (*new* @ Mainstore)

pose: Artis – Your chair (edited with AnyPose)

Hiding From the World

I recently acquired a homestead and its perfect for me, because though I do share a good bit about myself in my blog. I also enjoy my privacy and I’m quite content spending several days in a row alone. I like having complete control of my land and I love that no one can see who is on my land. I don’t have to worry about seeing someone I don’t care for on my radar because they are somewhere else on the sim. I finally feel truly free to hide away from the world. I can create whatever scenes I like wherever I want and never have to worry about a neighbor putting up some atrocious house with prim trees from 2007. I love my new home, because its the best place to be when I’m hiding from the world.

wearing:
hair: MINA – Alison (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: –SU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

*LODE* Head Accessory – Juliet [iceberg]
Cae :: Gianna :: Necklace
Cae :: Gianna :: Earrings
Dahlia – Sady Cat Eye Sunglasses (May FaMESHed Go)
[Cynful] Heidi Summer Maxi Dress (*new* @ C88)

pose: an lar [poses] The Yearning Series (*new* @ ROMP)