Its a pretty standard start to a conversation, “How are you?”
Depending on who is asking, I might give the obligatory and polite response, “I’m fine/ok/alright.” On occasion, I’ll be honest and sometimes I’m not ok/fine/alright. This happened to me today. My response was, “eh…battling my inner demons.” I was then asked what inner demons were, which struck me odd, as no one had ever asked me that before. It was just something people always understood and if they didn’t, they pretended to. I was desperate for an answer, as I didn’t want to sound rude or condescending. I grasped for the quickest thing I could think of and replied, ” like depression and voices and negative feelings and stuff.” I know that wasn’t a very accurate description, but I wasn’t really in the mood to spell it all out, as I’m the type that tends to withdraw and emotionally disconnect when the demons come calling.
I’ve been battling these demons for most of my life and over the years, they’ve gotten much stronger and much more difficult to fight. Most of the time, I just want to sleep, surrender to them in my dreams in the hopes that they will leave me alone upon waking. Naturally this does not always work. Sometimes, I think they simply arm themselves with more ammunition while I sleep. I know what’s happening. I know its temporary. I know it will pass. I, also, know that there’s nothing anyone can do to help. They are my demons and despite the many efforts made over the years by some pretty amazing people…those demons will never cease to haunt me. They are mine and they are with me always. All, I can do is weather the storm and wait for the sun to return to my dark little world. Sometimes, its only a matter of hours…sometimes, its days…and on a few occasions it has been weeks. I just have to ride it out and put on as brave a face as I can muster. Occasionally, one or two friends will break through and actually get me to open up about some of what’s going on. While, it usually helps me to talk about my feelings…discussing my demons is a completely different story.
This has been a rough year and as the year comes to a close, my demons have arrived prepared for a battle that I simply do not have the energy to fight. The light that is my essence will eventually find its way back to the surface and force the demons back the dark corners of my mind where they will reside until something else triggers their release.
I’v chosen to share this here, because that’s where I’m at right now. I’m not suicidal. I know this routine all too well. However, there are those that don’t. So, I urge you to reach out and check on each other. Not everyone is having a joyous holiday. Don’t worry about me. I’m weathering this storm as I have and will again, but please take care of each other. It really does make a difference to know people care.
I didn’t break out anything new and special for this photo. the shorts I’ve had almost a year, at least. No idea how long I’ve had the tee. The cardigan is fairly recent and I love it. I think the hair is the newest and its a lot like how I used to wear my rl hair years ago. So, here’s a little reminder not to worry so much about always buying the newest latest at all the events. We’ve got lots of amazing pieces in our inventory from months ago…give it a go, the next time you’re running low on lindens and waiting for more, or waiting for an event…have a look at some of those classic pieces in your inventory and create a whole new look.
NO.MATCH_NO.OFFENCE. (A ) /female
-SU!- Lynexia Collar
.:E.A.Studio:. Piercing Bare Code Silver
::GB::Off Shoulder Cardigan (F)
Vinyl – Zyra Tee – Lara
Absolut Vendetta– Hydra Rings
Addams // Electra Denim Short